Stalk
by hklbry
Summary: What could possibly be wrong with Wilson making a new friend especially if that friend wants House around? Mostly friendship building to pre-slash with eventually House/Wilson slash.
1. Chapter 1 The Loki of Medicine

**A/N:** This story includes the 5 words I am prouder to have strung together than anything I have every written – "Post Joe Penny drunken orgasm". The story, and my future, is downhill from there.

I wrote this awhile back and didn't like the ending so I've never posted it. I stumbled across it and decided to rework it and post it. I'm still not thrilled with the ending. I'll post a chapter every day or so and we'll see if I come up with a better ending by the time we get to it!

This takes place after Amber's death, but before Kutner popped his cork.

**Warning:** This story involves an original character. It also involves House having sex with people (male and female) other than Wilson. There is also some violence in later chapters.

Chapter 1 – The Loki of Medicine

It was said Dr. House had the power to make anyone in the hospital's life miserable. It was one of the first things a new employee was told. Don't get on House's bad side and don't try to get on his good side. It didn't exist. The best you could do was to avoid him.

In theory, avoidance was easy. He had almost no patients. He didn't trust nurses to do their jobs. He ignored orderlies, candy stripers, and anybody else wearing a name badge. You could work at PPTH for years without ever seeing him. In theory. In actuality, avoiding House was more like crossing a mine field blind. He would pop up without warning in places he had no obvious reason to be. He seemed to know things he had no possible way of knowing and delighting in petty, unfolding dramas that he had no direct relation to.

To Curt Freeling there was something unworldly about him, extraterrestrial. House was like Loki with a medical degree. Curt had been intrigued by the stories and tantalized by the scandalous descriptions of House's antics. It wasn't until he saw him in person that he became obsessed.

As a respiratory therapist he had no chance of working with the legend. What he did have was the same random chance other people had of suddenly having House drop into his life.

Curt was walking down the hall when he heard the bellow.

"A little help in here! Need a crash cart!" Curt looked to the nurse's station where three nurses were arguing about who would go.

"Now damn it!" Curt grabbed the cart and wheeled it into the patient's room. The yeller turned and Curt realized who he was in the presence of THE Dr. House.

"Charge the paddles." Curt found himself flipping the switches before he even realized what House had said. He didn't even know if he was flipping the right ones. He would have to add mind controller and puppeteer to the list of House's magic abilities.

"Keep them ready."

"Ready? But…" Curt looked at the patient. "She isn't in arrest." Curt had a measure of pride in being able to speak at all. House groaned. It sounded like something primal. House reached over and moved a dial.

"She will be in about 20 seconds." House finally looked at Curt. Their eyes barely met, but it mesmerized Curt. Seconds later the patient coded. House took the paddles and controlled, Curt could think of no better word, him to assist. He brought her back. Curt had seen the wizardry first hand. Time itself was helpless before the power of Gregory House.

House's team came in and Curt was jostled away from the patient towards the door.

"I told you not to leave the patient alone. You generally need to be in the same room as the patient to make that happen." They started to make excuses, but House cut them off. "How does it feel to know the respiratory therapist can do your job better than you?" Curt was startled and scared and excited that somehow House knew who he was.

House left the room giving Curt a final look. It was only a moment, but he stood face to face with House. Their eyes met again. Curt felt like he was standing in front of his very own Rasputin. In all the warnings nobody had mentioned Dr. House was uniquely handsome, tall and majestic. House looked down and away and left the room. By the time Curt caught his breath and tried to follow, House was nowhere to be seen.

It wasn't by random chance he had been in that hallway. And the Great House knew him! Wasn't that a sign? His stomach fluttered with a collection of butterflies that would make the most enthusiastic of lepidopterist jealous.

And that was how Curt's obsession began.

Curt did his due diligence. He found his father's obituary, a picture of Stacy, and bought a cane like the one House lost during the bus accident. He learned what he drove, where he lived, how he liked his coffee. Getting close to House was impossible. He also learned that Wilson was much more accessible.

* * *

Wilson breezed into House's office looking entirely too happy. He had a bounce in his step. Perhaps even a song in his heart. House didn't want to speculate. Well, he did want to speculate, but he wanted more data first.

"Do you want to go out for lunch today? It's a really nice day," Wilson asked and qualified.

"It's your dime." House hoped he didn't sound too relieved. They had agreed that everything was fine and neither needed to apologize any more for anything that happened prior to Wilson's return to PPTH. They told each other that nothing had changed. House felt like everything had changed. He was worried Wilson was going to ditch him for lunch. A Monday lunch was a rarity. It seemed like Friday was the only day Wilson could consistently give him.

House stood up too quickly. He grabbed at his thigh instinctively and grimaced at the sudden jolt of pain before he could hide it. Wilson waited to see if he needed assistance.

"You really need to try physical therapy again. Standing up shouldn't hurt that much," Wilson lectured.

But it fucking does, House thought but, because he was walking, well limping, on egg shells around Wilson and there wasn't an audience to shock, didn't say. All he did say was a suggestion that the cafeteria would probably be a better choice. Wilson shrugged disappointedly, but quickly rebounded. House immediately wished he hadn't said anything. Wilson visibly struggled to walk at House's slowed pace.

House got his next piece of data from Wilson's humming in the cafeteria line.

"Is that … _Asia_," he asked incredulously. Wilson seemed startled out of his reverie.

"Um, I don't know. Is this North America?" Wilson paid the cashier smiling even broader than usual. House noted the cashier smiled as usual.

"Apparently you're on the moon. Earth to Wilson. Come in Wilson!" Wilson squinted disapprovingly at House, but his smile made it clear he was still amused. "The song you were humming. I asked if it was that Asia song."

Wilson sat down and placed his plate close to the center of the table – the unspoken acquiescent offer for House to take anything off the plate. House knew Wilson only did this when he was trying to be nice to House or when he was in a ridiculously good mood. With Wilson he knew a ridiculously good mood involved proving himself superior to someone else particularly if somebody doubted him or that person was House, he had successfully pulled one over on House, or he was getting laid (not by House).

"Maybe. I wasn't really paying attention. I like Asia." Wilson took a big bite of his veggie burger.

"Forget Earth to Wilson. 21st century to Wilson!" House was disappointed at Wilson's lack of reaction and annoyed with his lack of attention. He wondered if Wilson was following the age old "ignore someone making fun of you and he'll go away" advice. House was too principled to stop mocking even if it wasn't as entertaining without the mockee listening. He tried not to read too much into it, but since Amber, House was more insecure. He tried to steel himself for the day Wilson left again, but he knew it would still be devastating. The expectation tainted every conversation for House.

"Did you get the new Toto record? I hear it's super awesome!" Wilson looked at House confused.

"What," Wilson asked trying to catch up. "Toto's last album was like 2 years ago. Why are we talking about it?"

House hesitated trying to decide which path to go. "Seriously? Toto is still making albums?" Wilson shrugged.

"No, they broke up last year."

"It is so sad you know that." Wilson shrugged again, but continued slightly smiling. House was officially aggravated.

"What's up with you? Smiling like a moron, ignoring my witty banter. Oh god. Please don't tell me you're in love," House jibbed with his eyes bulging dramatically. Wilson blushed. House was suddenly not in a joking mood.

"No, nothing like that. It's just…" Wilson contorted his mouth like he was literally chewing over his words. "Somebody hit on me and it's flattering to know I'm still attractive." House snorted.

"Women flirt with you all the time. As the Princeton Panty Peeler, your reputation precedes you! You could have, and probably have had, anyone in the hospital. You even had to branch out to patients to mix things up." Wilson glared at House. That particular indiscretion was verboten in conversation. House looked down at the table, then at the wall, anywhere but at Wilson. After a long moment of uneasy silence, Wilson decided House had done enough penance.

"So this was different. First of all, it was a he." House smirked.

"You get hit on by guys all the time. You just don't notice it as much." Wilson shook his head.

"Not in a long time."

"I flirt with you all the time, you hot, cancer curing hussy." House stole a french fry to punctuate his statement.

"No, this guy was serious."

"I'm serious. I'd fuck you long time." Wilson closed his eyes in silent prayer that the candy striper walking by their table at that exact moment hadn't heard House. When he opened his eyes and saw her looking over her shoulder at them as she walked away, he knew House was right. There was no god. It was uncanny how House could time his outbursts so perfectly.

"House, that's not funny." Wilson said quirking an eyebrow and nodding his head in the direction of the retreated striper.

"Wasn't trying to be," House dead panned.

"Well, we all know you'd stick your dick in a hole in a fence if it got you off." That made House smile. "Getting back to _me_, I noticed this guy yesterday staring at me. Today, he seemed to be everywhere I went until I went to the clinic."

"You didn't have clinic duty today," House interrupted.

"I was filling in for Donaldson. Anyways, my first two patients were lucky they got me instead of you. Complete wastes of time. So I go into my third exam room and there's no patient, but there is this guy."

"That's kind of creepy. He knows your schedule better than I do."

"And it isn't at all creepy how well you know my schedule. _Anyways_, I asked him if he was okay and he said he was great, fantastic now that he finally had a chance to talk to me."

"That line hasn't caught a fish in 20 years!" Wilson ignored him.

"He tells me he hopes he didn't come across as all stalkery, but he wanted to tell me that I looked nice today."

"You look nice every day. That's more a statement than a come on." Wilson didn't try to hide his smile at House's unintentional flattery.

"I ask him if I look nice today why was he staring at me yesterday. He says, without missing a beat, 'You look nice every day', sound familiar, 'but yesterday I noticed how _good_ you look. I'm just curious if you're as good as you look.' I had no idea what to say – completely tongue tied. He stood up, got way into my personal space and, almost touching cheek to cheek, says 'I bet you're even better' and puts a piece of paper with his phone number in my hand."

House ground his teeth. He wondered if Wilson was telling him this story, if it even happened, to piss him off. House tried not to sound jealous.

"I thought we had an understood agreement that if you ever decided to go from "no way" to "kinda gay" I'd get first crack at your cr…" Wilson cut him off.

"I didn't say I was interested and I don't recall ever agreeing to an understanding. Can I finish my story?"

"It goes on." House asked skeptically.

"Yes. So he steps back and gives me this look that was, I don't know, lusty. Then he walked out like he owned the place."

"A little cock-y? Does loverboy have a name to go with his number?" Wilson pulled a piece of paper out of his shirt pocket.

"Curt Freeling. I looked him up he's …"

"A respiratory therapist. We all know they're notorious sluts."

"You know him?" Wilson sounded surprised that House would know a lowly respiratory therapist.

"Sure. Good jaw line, nice hair – not Chase nice, but good." Wilson seemed to be thinking that over before silently agreeing. "He's cute, but you can do better."

"And how do you know him," Wilson asked, worried House had already received a similar invitation making his invitation less special.

"He helped with a patient a while back. By helped I mean he knew which button to hit and dial to turn. That doesn't mean he isn't an idiot."

"Like I said, I'm not interested. It was just nice to have the attention."

"You don't want to date somebody prettier than you. It'll never work out." Wilson started to say something, but stopped to consider what House said.

"You think he's prettier than me?" Danger ahead, Greg, a little voice in House's head said. He decided this wasn't the time to start listening to that voice.

"Prettier, yes. More attractive? No. You're the store. He's just the window dressing."

"This is really my day for unexpected compliments." Wilson smiled and House smiled back. House quietly contemplated how long he should wait before smiting Curt.


	2. Chapter 2 Perils of Pistachio Pudding

A/N: And the story continues! This chapter is pretty short. I'd say more, but I suddenly have a craving for pudding.

Chapter 2 – The Perils of Pistachio Pudding

It turned out smiting would have to wait. A truly difficult case came up and House lost himself in it for several days until a bird hit his window and gave him an epiphany. House sent his team to confirm and treat confident he was right. He'd wasted his time doing research instead of trusting his process to find the answer. Re-reading medical journals had turned out not only to be tedious, but unnecessary.

With the puzzle finished he quickly went into Wilson withdrawal. He'd barely seen him in 3 days. That was a long time to be without his Wilson shaped life raft. He knew if it was Thursday and lunch time, Wilson would be in his office filling out his Friday reports like a good over achiever. House walked out of his office before he realized it wasn't Thursday. That meant he'd barely seen Wilson in 4 days. If it was Friday, and he was sure it was, Wilson would be in the cafeteria for pistachio pudding.

It turned out that it either wasn't Friday or Wilson had changed his pattern. After double checking with the cafeteria cashier who confirmed it was Friday and she hadn't seen Wilson and expressed her concern over him missing Pudding Friday, House decided Wilson must be locked away in his office under a mountain of paperwork that department heads other than himself always seemed to have. Or maybe he didn't realize it was pudding day. In a moment of mischievous generosity, House bribed a cafeteria worker into filling a "soup for a group" container with pistachio pudding. He grabbed two sporks (the eating utensil of comedy), two oversized spoons (the eating utensil for mounds of pudding), and moved as fast as his three legs would carry him to Wilson's office.

He couldn't keep the smile off his face. Anybody seeing him could tell House was up to something. What it had to do with a bucket of soup was anybody's guess. He was trying out various ways of comparing Wilson's physique to the pudding. The obvious glee disappeared a few feet from Wilson's door. It opened and House heard Wilson laughing. That was the uncontrollable, gasping laugh he usually only heard when they had been drinking in celebration (as opposed to mourning, boredom, habit…). He'd missed that laugh.

Wilson stepped out of his office wiping away tears of laughter. Following behind him, too close for House's liking, was Curt. House's eyes lost their childish gleam and narrowed suspiciously. Curt was laughing soundlessly holding his arms around his abdomen.

"Hou…haha…House! You remember Curt-ess," Wilson managed to say before bursting into a fit of laughter that made him double over. Curt grabbed Wilson's elbow and joined his laughter. House thought it was too intimate a gesture. He'd have to get back to smiting.

"Right, Curtis Blow." The two men looked at each other and burst into a new fit of laughter.

"Not on the first date," Curt said in mock seriousness. House smiled minutely and stared at Curt. It was one of his most dangerous looks. It made Wilson sober instantly.

"No, I mean Curtis, blow," House said jerking his thumb over his shoulder, "as in vamoose, scram, get lost." Curt smiled broadly. House was talking to him!

House found his abnormal reaction disconcerting. Wilson sensed the tension building dangerously.

"So House, whatchya got there?" Wilson meant it to sound friendly, but House took it as condescending.

"It's pudding," House said as that explained everything. Wilson and Curt both looked confused. House resisted the urge to chuck it at them.

"Pudding? You must really love your puddin' to carry around that much," Curt joked. Wilson raised his eyebrows amused.

"Do I even want to know what you need that much pudding for? Are you going to make Kutner and Taub wrestle in it? Make sure you get the pay-per-view and download rights!" House felt his insides dissolving.

"No, it's Pistachio Pudding Friday." He didn't sound as bitter as he felt, but a little sneaked out. Wilson looked like that meant nothing to him.

"Pistachio is good, but I like banana," Curt offered to fill the gap in conversation.

"I love pistachio, but I've sworn off it. My stomach is looking like a bag of pudding," Wilson said. House had been robbed of even that small joke.

"You do not," Curt said too loudly. "You look fabulous just the way you are! I've got to run. I'll see you later, James." Curt put his hand on Wilson's bicep. "House," Curt said smiling in that sincere way House always suspected of being fake, "we should all get together some time. That would be fun." Curt waved as he walked towards the elevator.

"See you," Wilson said. House knew it wasn't the last time he'd see him. The last time would be as he shoveled dirt over his lifeless body. House and Wilson stood facing each other for an awkward moment without saying anything.

"Well, I've got to run, too. Enjoy that pudding!" House nodded as he slowly ground his teeth. Wilson walked off in the same direction Curt had gone.

House wondered if this was the moment he had been dreading. It certainly felt like he was losing Wilson again. Maybe he'd talk to Wilson about it when he came over for the UFC Locked Down and Dangerous special tonight. He entered the diagnostics room with a sinking feeling of foreboding.

Kutner was the only one there so he couldn't even vent properly. One person didn't make for a good rant. One person made for a conversation. That wasn't happening. He sat the container down on the table and went for a coffee mug.

"What kind of soup is that," Kutner asked. House appreciated the way Kutner was more interested in what was in the container rather than why he had the container. At least he was someone to talk to who wasn't boring.

"Pistachio pudding," he said sucking his lips inward. "It's less soup for a group and more a bucket o' pudding for …" House made a sweep of the room and pretending to count. "…looks like two." He dipped a spoon in and realized that wasn't going to be efficient or messy enough. He reached for a paper cup holding coffee stirrers, dumped the stirrers on the floor, and used the cup to dip out a serving of pudding. He poured it into the coffee mug and dropped the makeshift ladle on the table. Kutner quickly grabbed a mug for himself.

"Cool," Kutner said dipping out a portion for himself. He spilled some in the transfer then dropped the paper cup on the table making a unique spatter. "I thought you always had pudding with Wilson on Fridays." House cringed that everyone seemed to know that but Wilson. House sat at the far end of the table away from the pudding staging area. Kutner took that as a signal to sit down and he eagerly sat down next to him.

"Wilson's sworn off the hard stuff. Says he's sticking to yogurt." House stirred the pudding slowly. It no longer seemed appealing.

"This can't be the first time Wilson's had a new friend." And Kutner knew Wilson had a new buddy. That was just the chopped nuts on top of the pudding. House smirked. And Kutner knew that the new guy was bothering him. He was losing his opacity. He'd have to work on that.

"Wilson's had plenty of 'friends'," House replied.

"Just because he's your only friend doesn't mean you're his only friend. If it helps, they really are just friends." Kutner even realized that bothered him? He quietly admitted he was impressed.

"He's had wives, girlfriends, conquests, acquaintances. He's had friends as a couple. A few single friends, I suppose." House stared into space seeming to see answers to questions nobody else could see. "I don't usually see them until they get annoyed by how much time he's spending with me. They don't work here." House looked over at Kutner. "Luckily, I'm irreplaceable." He stood up and went into his office.

Kutner couldn't help noticing House left his cup o' pudding.


	3. Chapter 3 It's Called Knocking

Chapter 3 – It's Called Knocking

House picked up Wilson's favorite beer even though he thought it was the "Queen of Beers". He ordered pizza from Napoli's. Again, Wilson's favorite. They'd spent many evenings debating Napoli's versus Mario's. The winner was usually the one with the faster delivery time, but sometimes House let Wilson have his way after putting on a show of annoyance or vice versa.

At 7:30 House thought about calling to see if he was stuck at the hospital. He didn't want to seem desperate so he decided to wait, but his poor impulse control meant he held out until 7:34. House would ask Wilson if he could pick up some chips on his way. That didn't seem so unusual. He made a mental note to hide the chips he had.

"Yeah, House?" Wilson was apparently in a riot from the noise he was shouting over. "It's House. Wha? Ha! I'll ask him." House had a bad feeling about who Wilson was talking to. "Curt wants to know if you have any pudding left." House resisted the urge to hang up. Maybe they had gone for a drink after work and Wilson lost track of time. He grasped for the straw…

"So can you bring some chips when you come over? I need to eat something salty to make me thirsty enough to drink this crap beer you like." House heard a crash followed by several people shouting things like "Woo!" and "Yes!" Wilson was bowling.

"Sorry House, what was that? I'm at this Rock-n-Bowl laser thing. It doesn't start for another 2 hours, but some of these people are already drunk and rowdy. If the pre-party is this crazy I can't imagine what's going to happen when the lights go out. You should see Curt. He has this bowling shirt like yours, but it's got white where yours is black so it'll glows under the black light. It's really cool."

Wilson was having a good time with his new, cool friend. Pangs of jealousy warred with twinges of hurt in House's mind.

"So UFC is off?" Wilson didn't say anything at first and House wondered if he'd have to repeat himself.

"I completely forgot. Was that tonight? I'm sorry, House. Let me finish this game and I'll come over." Jealousy and hurt were flanked by anger.

"I don't want to ruin your good time."

"What? It's my turn. What did you say?" House closed his eyes and resigned himself to doing what sounded like the right thing.

"Don't worry about it. You guys have fun. I'm gonna make it an early night." A larger part of him than House wanted to admit knew Wilson would insist on coming over.

"Good idea. You looked tired today. I'll see you maybe tomorrow or Monday. Gotta go," Wilson said before ending the call. House hated being wrong. He also hated being forgotten.

* * *

After that game, Curt suggested they go outside to cool down and get some air. At least Wilson thought that's what he said. The music had gotten even louder when they started playing Bon Jovi. Outside it was strangely quiet after the cacophony inside.

"Let me know if I'm still yelling. My ears are ringing." Curt smiled.

"It's usually loud, but this is excessive even for them. What did House want," Curt asked casually.

"I was supposed to come over tonight to watch this UFC fight thing. I completely forgot about it. I feel really bad about it. I haven't seen him much this week. I know he doesn't seem like it, but he's really, I don't know, sensitive about things like that. I'm a little worried about him. Normally he'd freak out about me spending so much time with you. Next thing you know, you'd have a dead rat on your doorstep." Wilson smiled uncertainly. Curt was easy to talk to in a way House couldn't be, but House was his needy best friend. As soon as Wilson thought that he regretted the negative connotation he applied to House being needy.

"We could leave and head over to his place," Curt offered. Wilson shook his head.

"Nah. He's going to drink himself to sleep. He'll be fine." Curt didn't want to insist, but he didn't want to lose an opportunity to be inside House's private inner sanctum.

"Okay, but let me know if you change your mind and I'll call us a cab. I'd really like the three of us to be friends." Wilson smiled, but didn't say anything. House having another friend, even if he was sharing him with Wilson, seemed pretty unlikely, as in impossible. He wished House would give Curt a chance like Wilson had once they had agreed Wilson wasn't gay and Curt wasn't interested in going after a straight guy. Wilson wasn't even sure how it happened, but they had become fast friends.

Curt didn't continue his statement with after he became friends with House he wanted to become more than friends. He didn't think Wilson would take that information well.

* * *

House didn't bother watching the fight. Ultimate Fighter wasn't fun if he couldn't turn down the sound and make Wilson uncomfortable by commenting on the clearly homoerotic overtones. Alone, mocking their passionate embraces and struggles for dominance didn't have any appeal. The same was true of made for the SciFi channel movies.

Somehow he ended up on the Lifetime Movie Network watching some victimized woman get her revenge on some greasy looking guy she was too cute to be with in the first place. He liked how he didn't need to pay attention to it to keep up with the story and could amuse himself by taking a drink every time someone said "Leslie" or "You can't". For sentences like "Leslie, you can't buy a gun" he finished whatever whiskey was still in his tumbler.

This system worked well during the second movie when he was, finally, feeling the booze. He even dozed off for a moment until a shrill scream woke him in time to see the heroine struggling on the second floor in an abandoned, rickety warehouse with her husband, who supposedly had been dead for three years, but had really killed his twin cousin in order to throw the loan sharks off his trail, was chasing her. House reasoned she had ran from him and fallen through one of those dry rotted floor boards and was now immobilized and unable to defend herself. House guessed he had been paying more attention than he realized. He watched as Carl spotted his wife and began running towards her.

"Don't do it Carl," House warned the television. "The floor is weak! Look what happened to her!" Carl didn't hear him and two feet away from his target he fell through the floor. "Pull yourself up! You can do it!" Carl tried, even though he still couldn't hear House, but the floor splintered away in his hand. Apparently that was enough to loosen the floor that had trapped the chick's foot and, freed, she crawled to the gaping hole and peered down to see the lifeless body of Carl. A siren was heard in the background and Joe Penny came running in to save her. House was a little disoriented because Joe Penny was a fireman in the last film, but he was a cop in this one.

Checking the onscreen guide he saw Joe Penny was a street wise grifter in the next film who had a soft spot for his now successful business woman ex-wife. House decided he couldn't miss that!

During the first commercial break he wondered how he'd gotten so sucked into this. Joe Penny was going to be his number one masturbatory fantasy for the next few days. He laughed it off until the commercials were over and he was yelling things like "No, Deb! You can't marry that guy! Go back to Joe Penny!" and "Just because he has a real job doesn't make him a good guy! He's sleeping with your best friend! Are you blind!? He's after your money!" and even "He loves your money! Joe Penny loves you!"

By 1:45 a herd of feral strippers couldn't drag him away. "Don't walk backwards! No," House shouted. "Get away!" and then in unison with the heroine "AAARRGGHHH!!!"

His door flew open. He nearly jumped out of his skin. It was only a panicked looking Wilson and, ugh, Curt.

"House, are you okay," Wilson said running to the couch. Curt looked around from the doorway before slowly entering and closing the door.

"Christ! I hope you have a defibrillator with you!" House rubbed his chest.

"We heard you shouting and screaming," Wilson stammered angrily flopping onto the couch. "We thought…"

"Shhh! Joe Penny is caught in traffic and can't make it to the hotel to warn her. I bet he jumps out of his car and runs to it!" Wilson stared at House in amazement before turning to the tv. Curt moved to stand behind them and tried to see what House was seeing in this ridiculous melodrama.

"There he goes! Run, Joe Penny, run!" House laughed and bounced on the couch. "I get to take a drink for guessing that." House reached for his glass.

"I think you've had enough, House," Wilson offered. House scoffed.

"I think you've had enough, rushing into a man's abode in the middle of the night all big eyes of panic and smelling of cheap beer." Wilson started to reply, but was shushed again.

"Watch this," House began several minutes later. I bet you one of your cheap beers Joe Penny takes the chick in his arms, kisses her temple, and tells her everything is alright. Then she'll look up and kiss him passionately."

"I'll take that bet," Curt said startling House. He had forgotten he was there.

"Sit down. You're making me nervous. And shhhhhh." Curt glowed in his success. He was in Gregory House's home and had been offered a seat. This was more than he'd hoped. He walked in front of Wilson and sat between him and House. House didn't seem to notice. House stared at the television screen with an intensity even Wilson seldom saw.

"It's okay. Everything is going to be alright now."

"Yes," House said triumphantly. "Wait for it." They watched the story end exactly as House predicted. "You owe me a beer, sunshine!" House smiled at Curt with more pride than he usually showed after solving a case. Curt marveled at House's ability to even control the television.

"I will gladly pay my debt. That means you have to go out with us." House narrowed his eyes.

"I'm not really into gay, disco, laser bowling. You can give Wilson my beer."

"You would have loved it, House," Wilson chimed in. He was still on his good night out high. "We're thinking about going to a new wings and beer and boobs place tomorrow night. You have to go with us."

"Definitely! I'll buy you beer." Curt hoped he wasn't talking too fast.

"And I'll buy you wings! If you turn on your charm ray you won't have to pay for boobs." House snorted.

"You guys are so wasted," he slurred trying to stand. Curt quickly stepped in to steady him. His hand barely touched House's shirt before House limped heavily towards the bathroom. He'd touch him! Stay cool, Curt, steady on.

"And why do you want to go there? I thought you weren't female friendly."

Curt had a moment of panic. Did he know he would go anywhere if House was there? Of course he did. He knew everything. Curt deduced House was playing a game. He was more than willing to play, too. He was sure he saw a gleam only for him in House's eyes.

"I can enjoy the view without wanting to visit the countryside." Curt congratulated himself for sounding so self assured while his beer and butterfly filled stomach threatened to rebel.

"It'll be fun and frankly I don't think you've been having a lot of fun lately so you are going with us and I will pick you up at 6," Wilson said without taking a breath.

"If I remember this conversation tomorrow, fine. Call a cab and let yourselves out. I'm going to bed to dream of Joe Penny. If you hear me yelling, don't try to save me. I'm sure Joe will take care of me."


	4. Chapter 4 Post Joe Penny Drunken Orgasm

A/N: Warning! This chapter includes one of the creepiest scenes I've ever written. Not graphic or gross, but creepy. And if you don't know who Joe Penny is you should Google his image. That's some serious 80's hotness!

Chapter 4 – Post Joe Penny Drunken Orgasm

House woke up at 4 in pain. Post Joe Penny drunken orgasm he'd fallen asleep and contorted his leg into a position that would have hurt a healthy limb. Ninety continuous minutes of sleep was a rarity for him. He'd have to remember the Kentucky Bourbon/Joe Penny combo. He grabbed the pill bottle by the bed and rattled it. It sounded like two. He opened it. Two. He popped the pills. The movement of throwing his head back made his head spin. House was pleasantly surprised at how buzzed he still was. He'd feel like crap in a few hours, but right now it was only his leg.

A few minutes later it was his bladder. Could he wait it out? If he got up he could find another Vicodin and chase it down with a little more whiskey. He couldn't fault his logic. He slowly made his way to the bathroom.

From the bathroom to the living room without his cane was slow going sober. Drunk and a little stoned it took a lifetime. His uneven footfalls echoed off the bare wood. Maybe Wilson was right. Maybe he should give PT another try. He smiled to himself. Wilson being right about something! Those were the kind of things he thought in the middle of the night when he was that special level of drunk where he wasn't himself, but hadn't gone to a darker place.

The glare of the muted television illuminated the pill bottle on the coffee table like House's personal religious vision.

"Daddy's coming for you."

He stopped cold. It was the slight snoring of Wilson. Looking closer, Wilson was on one end of the couch and Curt on the other. Apparently the taxi never came.

He picked up the bottle of bourbon. It was empty. So they'd stayed up, drank him out of house and home, then fallen fast asleep looking like little angels. One glass on the table had a finger's worth of booze left. House picked it up and swigged it down. He put the glass on the table hard hoping the sound would wake them so he could belittle them about holding their drink. They didn't stir. House made an unbalanced turn and headed towards the kitchen.

He grabbed a piece of cold pizza. It didn't matter if it was late/early and he wasn't hungry. He had to eat when he could in case he wasn't allowed to eat a meal.

Oh no, House thought. Stay away from the dark.

He sat the pizza down to open the pill bottle. He only took one pill. He let his head hang back and imagined the path the pill was taking. He'd be numb again soon. He didn't move. He wanted to hold on to that moment.

He was startled out of his meditation by a hand on his back.

"Wilson," he said turning towards the hand. The hand didn't move so it came to rest low at his waist.

"No, it's Curt. James is asleep," Curt whispered. He knew seduction was a perfect way to get closer to House and clearly that was the game House wanted to play. Then again, maybe his power was an aphrodisiac. As if he wasn't close enough, he moved in closer.

"Are you okay, Greg? Is it your leg?" His hand remained lightly on House's waist. He put his free hand on House's chest. "I didn't mean to scare you again." Curt was the one with the elevated pulse.

House reasoned he must be dreaming. Nobody touched him. Even so, he was suddenly aware he was under dressed in his worn boxers and thread bare t-shirt.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" Even in his altered state House thought of a dozen vulgar answers to that question. Instead he shook his head. No need to be rude to a figment. Certainly no reason to feel practically naked in front of one.

"I was going to get a drink." House turned back to the cabinet. The hand on his waist stayed almost in place and was now lightly touching the top of his hip on the other side. At the same time the hand on his chest skimmed down and came to rest on the top of his other hip.

Curt restrained himself from gripping House. He continued his torturous, feather like touch.

House ignored the urge to lean back into Curt. This might only be a dream, but even his subconscious mind had more sense than to get involved with Wilson's new little buddy. House decided the too light touch was maddening instead of sensual. He was going to stick to that story.

House lifted his right arm to open a cabinet. The hand on that hip ghosted up to his ribs then back down to slightly below where it had been. This was either a dream or a set up to some unpleasantness. He probably wanted to cry to Wilson how the big bad Dr. House tried to touch him in his naughty places.

"Here. Let me get that," Curt whispered millimeters from House's ear. Curt reached up with his left hand to a bottle of brown liquor near the front of the cabinet. His right hand floated down and barely hovered over House's right buttock. House stopped himself from groaning, but couldn't keep his cock from twitching.

Curt moved his hand to open the bottle. House had mixed feeling about that. A pleasant fog was beginning to cover his brain. He wondered what he could get away with before Curt called for Daddy Wilson.

"Where are your glasses?" House's first thought was his reading glasses. He didn't need them to drink. Then he realized Curt meant drinking glasses. He smiled at his own confusion. Curt, who couldn't possibly know why House was smiling, smiled back.

Sycophant, House thought. He could live with that. If this isn't a dream, Curt must need something from him like a recommendation or a second department head to hang in his den. House took the bottle from him and took a swig straight from it. Curt's smile widened. He took the bottle and swallowed a longer drink. House grabbed the bottle back and murmured something about 'monkey see, monkey do'. He took a large gulp and handed the bottle to Curt. He took a sip and put the bottle down.

"You win. I've had more than enough to drink." Curt marveled at how much energy flowed around House even when he was drunk. He wanted to lean in closer and kiss him, taste the power. With difficulty he reminded himself that getting closer to House didn't mean groping him in the kitchen while Wilson slept a few yards away. That was hot, but ultimately meaningless. He needed House to trust him, to let him in on his secrets. He'd show House he was interested in all aspects of the man. There would be plenty of time later to consummate their union.

House smirked. Of course he won. He turned to gloat and knocked the bottle over. Curt jumped into action. He up righted the bottle, but not before some of the precious booze spilled onto the counter. He grabbed a stack of fast food napkins from House's prize collection and sopped up the mess.

"Sorry 'bout that. You've got great reflexes." Curt smiled. A compliment! "'specially for a drunk guy." House picked up the bottle and took another swig. Even in his altered state House could see inside him and tell he wasn't as drunk as he pretended! That must mean, Curt reasoned, that House wasn't either.

House moved to leave, glowing in his cleverness. His leg didn't move with him. Curt, with his great reflexes, caught him and stopped him from falling. House grabbed on to him for balance. His self satisfied grin turned to a self deprecating sneer. Great exit ruined. Stupid leg.

Curt made sure House was steady before leaning over and kissing his temple.

"Everything's alright," he whispered. House was glad he'd rubbed one out to Joe Penny saying those words not long ago or he would be giving Curt something to run to Wilson about. House looked at Curt quizzically. He wasn't sure how flirting with him would help Curt get into Wilson's Dockers, but he'd figure it out. Even if it meant going out in public with them.

"Nighty-night," House said limping away, waving off Curt's assistance. He was going back to bed and in the morning he wouldn't wake up and in the afternoon he would wake up with his houseguests dim dream-like memories.

House woke up every hour or so, but slept enough to have vivid, Technicolor, crazy dreams. He had one where he was examining a giraffe in the clinic who insisted he had TB. In another, he watched Wilson fighting with his father until they merged into one person. He even dreamed he was in his kitchen when that Curt guy had gotten friendly with him in a vaguely sexual, creepy way. He didn't remember the others, but he was sure he had them. He wished he remembered a Joe Penny dream, which he was sure would be more than vaguely sexual in a very erotic way, but he didn't. All in all, they hadn't been bad dreams. There were a lot of nights he couldn't get back to sleep after some gruesome nightmare. He'd choose a giraffe, WilDad, and what's-his-name in his kitchen over one of those terrors anytime.

House finally gave up trying to get back to sleep around 1. It was after noon. He'd managed to sleep more than usual. He actually felt pretty good. Maybe he'd get up, put on some coffee, take a shower and even leave the house on a Saturday. He was hungry. Cold, stale pizza didn't sound appealing sober. Maybe a trip to that new Italian place was in order. Well, it wasn't really new. It had been there a few months, but it was new to him. Plan forming in House's mind, he stumbled to the bathroom. His planning was sidetracked when he couldn't find his toothbrush. How drunk had he been? He had a few more he'd snagged from the hospital, but that was weird. Then again, he once lost a chair while on a bender and he'd never figured that one out either.

Distracted by dental hygiene and walking he didn't notice the sound immediately. The living room had been cleaned - an advantage to letting a guilty Wilson sleep over. He heard the sound again. Was it an intermittent leaf blower? That seemed unnecessary on so many levels House thought it was pretty likely one of his stupid neighbors was using one to blow grass off the 5 square feet of ground in front of the building. He was at the kitchen before he heard the voices.

"...sleeping...bedroom...mess, but House..." That was definitely Wilson. He'd better be on the phone. House entered the kitchen.

"There's our sleepy head!" Curt. House closed his eyes, counted to magic seven and opened his eyes. Curt was still there. Wilson was still there.

"Are you okay, House?" He was, but he wondered how long that would be true for them.

"Fine. When did you get here?" Wilson pulsed the coffee grinder again. At least they were making coffee. A little caffeine would be nice before he killed them.

"We got here around, I don't know. What time was it, Curt?"

"I think it was a little before 2, but I wouldn't bet on it." Curt was glad he had an answer when Wilson had failed.

"It's a little before 2 now and that skillet belies a longer visit."

"Two last night. House, don't you remember us coming over last night?"

"You've been here all night? Did you forget how to use door knobs? I would have thought Curt was a real hand at knobs. Here. I'll demonstrate." Wilson ignored him in favor of putting rice on a plate.

"You'll be glad when you taste this amazing lunch we made." Wilson gave House his 'I dare you to hate it' face. He hoped House would be nicer with Curt here, but he was aware of the new audience factor. He had also hoped House would give Curt the benefit of the doubt since he had vouched for him. Next time they were alone he'd make it clear to House he intended to be friends with both of them and since Curt was willing to share, House should be grateful.

"As it happens, I'm having a late lunch at ..." He struggled for the name. "...Cacciatore...Cannelloni...that Italian place over on ..." House searched for the name of the street. He drove it on his motorcycle all the time, but never paid attention to the signs. Or speed limits.

"Cavelli's on Thorndike?" Wilson was pretty sure that was what House meant.

"Yeah, Cavelli's. I haven't been there since they opened." Curt marveled at how Wilson had read House's mind. He wanted that kind of telepathic connection with him. He needed it.

"Didn't that place burn down?" Curt wondered if House was trying to subtly admit to playing a hand in the fire. He wouldn't be surprised if he could make things combust by staring at them.

"Yeah, three weeks ago. That's what you get for procrastinating. You're having Mexican." Wilson waved a plate under House's nose. It did smell good.

"Since it's here I guess so." He took the plate. It looked good even by Wilson's standards. And those tamales looked like...like they didn't come from his kitchen. "Did you guys have this delivered or something? I know I don't have fresh anything in my kitchen." He was suspicious of the only Mexican place that delivered to his neighborhood. None of the employees were fluent in Spanish. Very suspicious.

"Curt went shopping." Wilson handed House a fork. House felt like he was being pushed or bullied into eating it. What was their game?

Wilson wanted House to eat and enjoy the meal not only because he always wanted House to eat home cooked meals and enjoy them, but because he thought food was a great way to re-introduce him to Curt.

Curt wanted House to take his offering and be pleased. He realized looking through the pantry and refrigerator House was too busy with more important, less mortal concerns than food. No wonder he kept Wilson around. His human form needed things he often overlooked. Curt could look after all his physical needs for him.

House took a bite of rice. It was good. He didn't feel like he'd been poisoned, didn't feel any after effects. He turned to take it to the couch.

"Ah...House?" Wilson didn't want to bring it up, but House seemed oblivious and Curt had clearly been too polite to say anything. "Shouldn't you get dressed for lunch?"

House looked down - stained shirt and worn boxers. He remembered his dream that seemed less dreamlike from the night before. At least they covered his scar.

"Ah...Wilson, you weren't invited for lunch. I had planned on coffee to wake up, shower to clean up, then clothes to dress up. Telling me I'm underdressed to be in my own home is bringing me down." He wasn't going to change to spite them even if he did miss his three layers of cloth armor.

"I don't mind seeing you naked, but you do have company," Wilson said gesturing at Curt.

"Don't mind? Because I could take..." Wilson interrupted him.

"Don't start! I mean I've seen you naked and while it's uncomfortable I'm used to your attention seeking behavior, but you might not want to bust that out in front of company."

"He saw me like this last night and didn't jump out of the window screaming." House finally addressed Curt. "Does it freak you out that I walk around in underwear when I wake up and think nobody is here?" Curt was beet red. He tried to think of something that wouldn't sound like he wanted to see him naked while making it clear he wanted to see him naked. Wilson, who was becoming a nuisance to Curt with his interference, spoke first.

"Of course he's freaked out! He barely knows you and you're running around half naked. Are you doing this just to mess with him?" He turned to Curt. "House isn't used to guests. I'm sorry if he scared you last night or anything." He shot a look at House.

"No! No, we had a little chit chat in the kitchen and a little drink. It's Greg's place. If he wants to be all naked it's up to him. Half naked he's just a tease." Curt immediately thought he shouldn't have said that.

"See? I haven't caused any irreparable damage. I didn't molest him. I didn't scare him. It's not like I burst into his home unannounced or sneaked up behind him in the kitchen." Wilson knew what that tone meant. It meant he'd hurt House's feelings and House would never admit it, but if he didn't apologize House would sulk until he forgot he was upset. Luckily House never seemed to care if it was a sincere apology.

"I'm sorry if we scared you last night."

"I wasn't scared. I was startled."

"Fine. Startled. And I don't remember sneaking around behind you."

"That was me. I didn't mean to startle you. I'm pretty sure you know that wasn't my intention."

Curt smiled at House and Wilson thought he spied a gleam in Curt's eyes. Oh no, no, no, Wilson panicked. He should have warned him not to try that cute flirty thing on House. He'd warned him about a lot of the things House might say or do, but he didn't warn Curt what not to do. After explaining House wasn't Yogi he didn't think he needed to warn Curt to not poke the bear. Wilson worried more when he saw House lick his fork. House playing along might be fun to watch, from a distance, but it usually resulted in a dramatic end to the game and metaphoric or literal bloodshed.

"I thought your intentions seemed pretty friendly."

Not good, Wilson thought. At least House wasn't giving Curt 'the look' and slightly raising an eyebrow while wearing a lopsided smile…and then there was 'the look'. Had he warned Curt that House took innocent flirting as an invitation to not so innocent innuendo that would inevitably lead to lewd advances?

"That's me – pretty and friendly."

"So House," Wilson quickly cut in, "why don't you get dressed and I'll make some coffee." Please, please, please, please…

"I'm going to eat lunch, watch some tv, wait for coffee and then I'll take a shower and then I'll put on some clothes. I expect you and pretty boy to leave at some point in that sequence." House took his plate to the couch and picked up the remote. He'd ignore them until they leave.

Wilson dragged Curt back as far away from the living room as they could get and pulled him down to the floor. He didn't want House to hear or see them. He knew House would know they were talking, but he'd prefer House not to have confirmation.

"Ok, be quiet. He can hear Cuddy get a run in her pantyhose from here."

Of course he can! He's the great Gregory House! Curt didn't understand how Wilson took his powers for granted.

"I should have told you. Flirting with House is dangerous." Curt understood Wilson's jealousy.

"It's fun. I think he likes the attention." Wilson gestured for Curt to whisper quieter. "He flirts with you."

"He doesn't like the attention; he loves it. That's the problem. We've known each other long enough for him to know the boundaries. He gets off on pushing the boundaries, but I know he'll never _do_ anything. I can't say the same for you. He'll keep pushing and when you tell him he's gone too far he'll take that as a challenge to go farther. You have no idea the lengths he'll go to." Wilson was worried Curt wasn't getting his point.

"I think I know how to handle it." And he did want to handle it.

"Trust me. Even knowing me as long as he has and knowing I'm straight sometimes he goes too far to see me freak out."

"Like what did he do?" Curt was getting excited. Not only was he getting more personal information, he was getting sexual information.

"Like putting his hand on my knee and magically moving it to the inside of my thigh. Like kissing my neck. Once when we'd only known each other a year or so he…" Wilson lowered his voice even more and double checked House wasn't standing behind them. "He told me how hot I was and how he wanted me all the time and wanted to take me right there, right then. We were both a little drunk and I thought it's only talking. House wants to shock me. I didn't make that boundary clear.

"He pushed me over on the couch. Before I knew what was happening he was kissing me, licking my lips. He had one hand holding me down and the other pulling up my shirt. I was frozen. He was rubbing against me and suddenly he had my shirt up and started … licking and … sucking my … nipple. I snapped out of it and pushed him off me. He promised never to do it again and he hasn't been as aggressive as that since. It was scary."

Wilson looked a little panicked simply recounting the story. Curt tried not to look incredibly turned on.

"Was it scary because you didn't want him to stop?" Wilson did not want to think about that. He didn't answer.

"My point is he has poor impulse control. I don't want you to stop hanging out with us because he groped you."

"What if I don't mind him groping me?" Curt enjoyed the shocked look on Wilson's face. He understood why House worked to bring it out in him.

"It's not a joke, Curt. Not to us anyway. If he thinks you aren't playing around, he'll take that as permission to pursue you. Trust me. Being one of his obsessions isn't as fun it looks."

"Don't worry, James. I know my way around men. Greg is an aggressor. If he finds someone more aggressive he'll back down." Wilson shook his head.

"No, he'll just escalate."

"It sounds like you have him all figured out." Curt knew Wilson didn't.

"Oh no! There is no figuring out House. He's dramatically unpredictable. I thought he'd throw us both out last night. Instead he invited us to watch television. I don't know what you two 'chit chatted' about last night, but I'm amazed you're still alive."

"It's private."

"Private?" Wilson said it louder than he meant to. He looked around for House.

"Yeah, private. We talked a little, drank a little."

"That explains a lot. I think he's been looking for somebody who could keep up with his drinking. I just don't want…"

"Coffee," House yelled from the living room.

"On its way," Wilson yelled back. "Just don't antagonize him," Wilson whispered. He wondered if Curt had any idea what he was getting into and if House would leave enough of him to return to his family for burial.

Curt handed House a cup of coffee. He was irked it was exactly like he liked it. Curt didn't notice the ire. He sat down next to House, too close. House was beginning to wonder if Curt had no idea about personal space. Pot, kettle, black – he'd let it go for now. He hadn't solved what Curt was up to. House knew it was something. He could tell a schemer when he saw one. Again, pot, kettle, black. He wasn't about to let some smooth talking pretty boy con Wilson. He'd get to the bottom of it.

"What are we watching?" Curt was watching House.

"I'm watching an inaction movie. It's a remake of another boring movie. Where's Wilson?"

"Kitchen." House acknowledged it with a grunt. Curt inched closer. House was intent on not looking at him. "He's cleaning up from me cooking. I'm good, but I'm messy." Why wouldn't House look at him? He pulled his legs up under him and made his staring more obvious by not facing the television at all.

"Then shouldn't you help him clean?" With his peripheral vision House could see Curt move even closer. It was worse than last night. Last night they were both drunk.

"He said it would be faster with me out of the way." Curt leaned into House. "I thought I might be of more service out here."

Don't react, House. He's testing you. He's waiting for you to do something worth crying to Wilson about. Maybe he thinks Wilson will comfort him over how the big, bad man treated him.

"Shouldn't you run along home? Does your mother know you stayed out all night?"

"I already went home and picked up my car and changed before going grocery shopping. I took a long, soapy shower." Curt put an arm around House's shoulders. "I could demonstrate my technique on you. Wasn't a shower on your to do list?"

House was so tempted. He knew exactly what he'd do to wipe that smile off Curt's face. Best not to think about that, House forced himself to think. He wasn't going to think about shoving his dick…no, don't think about it.

"I don't need a demo. When are you two leaving? Don't you have some gay, disco golf planned?" Curt chuckled next to House's ear. He felt his breath. Do not say something about a hole-in-one. Don't do it, House.

"Wilson needs to go home and get ready for our big night out. I thought I'd stay here and hang out with you." House had to look at Curt for that.

"If you two are going out again tonight, you should go with Wilson to get ready. Keeping me company isn't a good use of your time."

"It's going to be a ton of fun," Curt said ignoring House's attempt to shrug him off. "A boys night out is just what the doctor ordered and by doctor I mean Dr. Wilson." It all came back to House – wings, beer, boobs. He'd rather be left behind. He turned back to the television and wished his attention would follow his eyes.

"I'll pass. I'm going to catalog my porn tonight. I think I'll cross reference the different acts with my personal rating system based on difficulty, performance, and lighting. Lighting is the key."

"After dinner I'll help you sort. We'll have to watch quite a bit for me to get the feel of your system." God, Curt wanted to do to House what Wilson said House did to him.

"Wilson is going to look out of the kitchen any minute and I don't think it fits into your plans for him to see you sitting so close to me." Curt backed off and turned his attention to the TV. As if he had commanded it, and Curt was sure he had, Wilson came out of the kitchen.

"The dishes are done except your plate. I've put the leftovers in the fridge with notes telling you how to reheat them. I'm guessing you'll eat them cold, but I feel better knowing you didn't have to."

"Swell. Shouldn't you two scurry off now?" House turned to Wilson making his barely contained displeasure obvious. He wanted to throw Curt out (or throw him down), but he needed to make the effort to show Wilson he understood he needed other friends even if he didn't.

"Yeah, we probably should. We'll be back to pick you up at 6."

"As I was just telling Curtis I have other plans for this evening."

"No, House, you don't. You're going to wear something clean, comb your hair, and be ready at 6. It'll be fun. Come on, Curt. Let's leave the mad scientist to bring himself back to life." Curt hesitated, but decided it was too soon. He could tell House still didn't trust him. Sex he could get anywhere. Curt needed to prove to him they had a deeper connection.

"Do we need to power up the Tesla coil before we go," Curt playfully asked standing up and walking to Wilson.

"Nah. House has minions to do the manual labor." Curt smiled at his promotion to Wilson's level.

"Six o'clock, House. Be ready or we'll drag you out as you are," Wilson threatened. House nodded unenthusiastically. He didn't move until he heard the door close. When he did he jumped up and locked the door and fastened the chain. He didn't need any more uninvited visitors.


	5. Chapter 5 Coming out of the Closet

Chapter 5 – Coming out of the Closet One Shirt at a Time

House decided he would pretend he wasn't home. No, that wouldn't work. Wilson would unlock the door, see the chain was fastened and know House was inside. If he didn't respond Wilson would break the door down to make sure he wasn't dead. He unfastened the chain to save the potential damage to the door. He could go some place else. He'd go to the hospital and play video games.

Then again, and he hated rethinking his plans, he didn't want to leave Curt alone with his Wilson. That was probably what Curt was trying to do. If he made House uncomfortable he wouldn't be an obstacle. And he didn't want to give Wilson any ideas that he wasn't willing to bend or that he didn't want to spend time with Wilson. Well House wasn't going to let that happen.

Then again again, he didn't want to go.

House took a shower and got dressed in his normal clothes. He couldn't find the t-shirt he wanted to wear, but he'd wear a fishnet tank top if it meant he could get out of their big night out. He figured he could leave by 5:30 and wouldn't risk being seen by Wilson driving around. At 5:20 he heard his door open.

"You ready, House," Wilson said breezing into the room. He thought House wouldn't have even showered and would use that as his excuse for not going. He wasn't going to let that happen. He hadn't been spending much time with House lately. He wasn't even sure why he was avoiding him, but he realized last night he had been.

Worse, he wasn't sure how long House had noticed. No matter what his motivation was, he was sure he hadn't meant to hurt House's feelings. Not that House would ever admit to having feelings to hurt. If House could see Curt was cool he wouldn't feel so bad and maybe the three of them could go out once in awhile. Wilson's optimism was bred more from desperation than from a naturally happy outlook on life.

"I thought you said 6." House was no longer wavering. He didn't want to go.

"Yes, but I was ready early so I called Curt and he was ready, too, so we decided to see if you were ready and head out a little early." House didn't buy that for a second.

"You could have called."

"You wouldn't have answered. Do me a favor and be on your best behavior tonight. Don't try to creep Curt out or be obnoxious just to get a reaction. What shirt are you going to wear?" Wilson didn't dislike House's shirt, but it would need a team of laundry experts to work around the clock to iron out the complicated algorithms of wrinkles. It was also exactly what he wore to the hospital. "Going out means you should wear something other than what you wear going to work."

There was a knock at the door. Curt, House thought. Swell. The door opened and Curt walked in.

"Hi guys. I thought I'd come in if it was going to be a few minutes." Curt had decided to pull back the seduction factor. He might not be able to entice House with his intellect, but he could show him he wasn't an idiot. That went a long way with House.

"I was asking House what shirt he's going to wear." Wilson was glad he had a fashion accomplice.

"What are our options?" Curt wanted House to wear a tight t-shirt so he could look at his biceps some more. They were begging to be touched.

"The options are I stay here or I stay over here," House said moving two steps to the right. Curt was amused while Wilson was annoyed.

"Come on, Curt. You will be appalled by House's bedroom and disturbed by his closet, but there's a shirt in there somewhere." Wilson walked to the bedroom and Curt quickly followed.

"Maybe I don't want people in my room!" House hated how he sounded like a 13 year-old. He knew it wasn't any good arguing when Wilson was in this kind of mood. Wilson would make them go out and have fun if he had to bludgeon each of them. He didn't want to hear their derisive comments, but he didn't want to leave them to prowl through his stuff. He trudged after them.

House's bedroom wasn't as messy as Wilson had seen it. It was almost livable. He opened House's closet and found five shirts, five!, on hangers and pressed. One still had a price tag on it.

"I have to hand it to you, House. You never fail to surprise me. Cleanish room, clothes in closet. Were you expecting the health inspector?"

"No," House said sitting on his bed heavily. "I have a woman coming in on Wednesdays. Unlike the women I have coming over the other 6 days, she's here to clean. I told you about it a few weeks ago." House could tell Wilson didn't remember the conversation at all. He wasn't paying attention to him even when he did spend time with him.

Wilson felt horrible. He didn't remember House saying that at all. He must have been completely spaced out when House was talking. He hoped House was laughing it off as a break in concentration and not reading all kinds of deeper meanings. He knew that wasn't likely. House always thought the worst.

Curt silently cheered. He'd never forget anything House said. Every time Wilson made a mistake like that it made it that much easier for Curt to slide in.

"Okay, that's explains being able to see the floor. What's up with this?" Wilson pulled out a medium purple dress shirt. The tag was still on it, but the price was torn off.

"It was a gift. Put it back."

"I think this would look pretty good on you, Greg." Curt felt the material, soft, a little silky, but the color was matte. He'd love to feel it again once it was warmed by House's body heat.

"I don't know if it even fits. Put it back."

"House…"

"Back! Even if it fits, it isn't my style."

"Greg…"

"Back! And if you are dragging me to eat wings I don't want to get sauce all over it."

"Wow. You never cease to surprise me! You care about a piece of clothing enough not to destroy it." Wilson didn't mean to sound condescending, but a little slipped out.

"I take care of some things. Those ties, I take very good care of those." Wilson examined the ties.

"I gave you this one as a gift and this one," Wilson said turning the tie over for closer inspection, "you stole from me."

"So you take care of gifts. That's kinda nice. I'd never guess you had a sentimental streak." Curt managed to not sound condescending, but House still didn't like his tone.

"Think whatever you want. Put the shirt back."

"Who gave it to you? I'm the only person who gives you gifts." Wilson was not letting this go.

"Well since you asked, it's none of your damned business."

"Put it on. Let's see if it fits," Curt said taking it off the hanger.

"What is wrong with you people? Leave it."

"Maybe if you tell us who gave it to you, we'd decide to find something else." Wilson stood with his hands on his hips. House knew it as his 'I've just about had it with you, House, so explain yourself or else'. House didn't want to know what the 'or else' was today.

"Fine. Chase gave it to me." House picked at an imaginary thread on his bed spread.

"Sure, right. Try again." Wilson's body language didn't change. Curt was confused by the shift in dynamic between the two men. House clearly didn't want to tell them, but Wilson was making him. He understood House wanting food or to have company. He didn't understand why he would impart information unwillingly to Wilson. He was glad he was there to witness it.

"I'm serious. Chase gave it to me. He thought it would look good with my hair."

"You're serious. Why would Chase give you anything? Never mind. I have his phone number." Wilson pulled out his cell phone.

"If I told you it's personal would you drop it?"

"Do you ever let that stop you from prying into my life?" House looked at Wilson with a vulnerability Curt had never seen and Wilson had seen only rarely. He looked shy and embarrassed, but worried. Curt had an urge to burst into tears and hug him. How could somebody so powerful suddenly seem like he needed protection?

"He was shopping with Cameron. She was buying a present for somebody. He saw the shirt and thought I'd like it. He gave it to me. I put it in the closet."

"So what are you not telling us? Come on, House. That covers the 'who', but what is the 'why'."

"Is it so hard to believe somebody would want to give me something?"

"Yes." Wilson hated House related mysteries. They usually made him feel stupid for missing something about House he should have noticed years earlier. "He left the tag on so you could return it. It doesn't look cheap and yet you kept it."

House sighed. He might as well tell them and get the mocking over.

"He gave it to me for Father's Day." Wilson and Curt were both surprised. House was glad he at least got that out of the admission. "Cameron was buying a present for her Dad and Chase was thinking about his Dad and how much he hated him. Cameron said something along the lines of 'House hated his Dad first.' Chase said something clicked in his head so when he saw the shirt and thought it would look good on me, he bought it."

Wilson was stunned. That wasn't even close to what he was thinking. He turned away so House wouldn't see his eyes glistening.

"I know. It's lame. It just…put it back." House wasn't going to tell them the next day he gave Chase his skate board with knee and elbow pads and a helmet 'to protect his hair'. Chase started crying and hugged him. Chase had promised to not even tell Cameron he appreciated the gift. The last thing he needed was Cameron to give him presents addressed to Daddy.

"Chase is right, Greg. This would look good on you. I'm sure he didn't buy it for you to keep it in the closet." Curt concentrated on the task.

"You just want me to take my shirt off." House was glad for a change in subject.

"That's not true. Take your shirt off." Curt took a step towards House. House held his hands up for Curt to stay back. He took his shirt off. Wilson stopped pretending to flip through House's other shirts and returned to the conversation.

"Take the t-shirt off, too. It'll look better without it." Curt couldn't fault Wilson's logic.

House had resigned himself to wearing the shirt, but was moving slowly. He should have left as soon as he got out of the shower. Damn procrastination.

Curt tried not to stare. House looked so masculine while his skin looked so soft he wanted to drag his fingers over it. He wanted to lick it. He handed House the shirt and made eye contact just long enough he was sure House had seen his thoughts.

House took the shirt. Curt was looking at him weird. Realizing he was old enough to be his father must have shaken him. Good. The shirt fit. He'd put it on four times previously so that wasn't exactly a surprise. Wilson unceremoniously cut the tags off and announced they could go as soon as House combed his hair. House didn't bother making a fuss and went to the bathroom. Wilson pulled Curt away from the door. Curt wondered if Wilson was going to do this every time House left the room.

"You are not telling that story to anyone. Clear?" Wilson never sounded sterner than when he was protecting House.

"Absolutely not, between us only," Curt whispered. "Greg has issues with his Dad?"

"He died a few months ago. He doesn't like talking about him. They didn't get along. Chase and his father had nothing on House and his dad, but they had serious issues. I hope they talk about it. My childhood was great. I can't relate to hating your father. I think I've hurt his feelings before by not being able to understand. Anyways, don't bring it up. If you're around long enough, you'll see House drunk saying cryptic things about his childhood. Pretend you haven't heard anything." Curt nodded. House could tell him about it and he'd understand. He wouldn't hurt House.

"Is this better?" House had combed his hair, but hadn't styled it. It was a look that worked for him. Wilson never understood how.

"Looks good! Let's roll," Wilson led them out and tried to lighten the mood. "Which do you want first? The wings, the beer, or the breasts?"

"Can't I have them simultaneously," House whined.

"You probably should pace yourself," Curt said from the backseat. "You don't want to get drunk and pass out on a pair of tits with teriyaki sauce all over your face."

"Wow. You really don't know anything about me. You just described heaven."

They spent the rest of the ride talking about nothing more serious than the merits of various beers. House threatened to move on to the merits of various kinds of breasts, but didn't follow through. He hated to admit he wasn't having an awful time.


	6. Chapter 6 Snake Charmer

**Warning: This chapter includes graphic sexual dialogue and House talking to a woman. You have been forewarned!**

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Chapter 6 – Snake Charmer

Wilson wasn't having much fun. Bouncers turned out be a little/lot too racy for Wilson's taste. He felt bad for bringing Curt along until he realized Curt was having a great time, a really great time. He shouldn't have been surprised. Curt seemed to be so easy going he could have a good time anywhere. And House, well, House wasn't exactly in misery although Wilson reckoned House would have liked a place a little seedier. Everything here seemed clean and well lit. If the server would stop rubbing her breasts in his face he would almost think it was a family establishment.

Curt was having a great time, but mainly because he was sitting next to House. The food wasn't very good, but improved the more beer he drank. The scantily clad waitresses were annoying and persistent, but once he realized how much House enjoyed them he found them easier to tolerate. He thought Wilson wasn't having a good time, but he didn't really care. He was only a conduit to House so his feelings were immaterial. And House was having a great time. Curt could watch him suck the meat off a chicken bone all day.

House was having another beer.

"Aren't you glad you came out tonight," Wilson asked two beers later. He'd cut himself off, but he had no problem making sure Curt and House got wasted.

"It's not bad. Kelly seems to like you and by that I mean she's hoping you'll proposition her. I bet you can get her cheap. Not like $20 hooker cheap, but she'll probably throw in a free blow job since you're so gosh darn cute and gentlemanly." House didn't think Wilson would do anything, but he liked making him uncomfortable by explaining the options.

"Don't tell her you're a doctor or she'll want more," Curt added. From Wilson's reaction he guessed House talked like this a lot. He could play along.

"Either more money or more of a relationship. At least you'd know up front the next ex-Mrs. Wilson is a whore. Sometimes you haven't figured it out until the first alimony check." House laughed at his own joke. Mocking Wilson, particularly Wilson's romantic life, was his favorite thing. Sometimes he liked it even more than puzzles. He loved the way Wilson blushed probably from a mixture or embarrassment and anger. Kelly wasn't the only one who'd give Wilson a free blow job. Remembering Curt was there he remembered he wasn't even the only one at the table who would.

"Whores are really more your thing. You should do your charm thing. She might let you kiss her without tipping. Curt hasn't seen you in full seduce mode." Wilson wanted to take the subject off himself. Making House the center of attention was a pretty sure bet.

"Full seduce mode? I've got to see that." Curt's breath hitched before and after he spoke. He sucked down half his beer to cover it.

"Come on, House! I haven't seen the master at work in ages. Unless you've lost your touch." Wilson thought the center of attention-challenge was the one-two punch he needed.

House didn't want to do it. He'd lost a lot of confidence and Wilson's grandiose expectations didn't help. Curt looking at him like this was the main attraction made it worse.

"I'm really not feeling it tonight." House hoped that would be the end of it. The disappointed look on Wilson's and Curt's faces clued him in to it not being the end.

"Pleeeeaase," Wilson dragged out. He implored House with his eyes to do it.

"Pleeeeaase, Greg," Curt parroted. He copied Wilson's look. House was mainly creeped out, but he didn't want to let them down.

"Fine, just put the eyes away before I go out to rescue puppies. I'm warning you now it won't be as good as you remember or you imagine. Wilson has hyped it too much. Before the infarction it might have been entertaining, after it's kind of pathetic. You might find watching me fail even more entertaining."

House fluffed the hair out at his temples and ears. He pulled his collar away from his neck and arranged it so his clavicle was casually exposed. Wilson laughed. Curt stared. House ignored them. He had to psych himself up to do this. He picked his target. She'd helped Kelly bring out the last round. He'd noted an indentation on her finger where a ring had clearly been for some time. She was wearing extra makeup around her eyes and when she walked away from the customers she looked sad. When she came back she seemed to steel herself before moving. Lovelorn, seeking validation through her body, questioning why she's doing any of this – she was an easy target. She was dropping off a check at a booth behind them. She'd be coming his way in 3-2-1…

"Oh, Miss, excuse me," House said as she passed by. She stopped. "I'm afraid we'll need another pitcher."

"I'm sorry I'm not your server, but I'll send her over." She started to walk away.

"Well actually…" House said in a quieter voice. He looked at her intently with just a hint of a smile. She moved in closer to hear him. "…could we get more napkins?" She was surprised.

"There right there on the table. Maybe you guys should slow down on the beer." She smiled at them all, purposely not focusing on House. B-5

"Ok, you caught me. I just wanted to hear your voice. It's exactly like I imagined." Curt didn't expect House to go with a simple line. He expected something bolder. I-17

"I'll send Kelly over for that beer." House put his finger tips delicately on her wrist. Not enough to scare her or physically restrain her, but enough to stop her from leaving. N-40

"Before you leave, I didn't catch your name. Or should I wait and ask Kelly?"

"Jessica," she said pointing at her nametag. House smiled, making his eyes twinkle.

"That's a great name. Did you know the first person to write the name Jessica was Shakespeare?" He moved his fingers to hers. She smiled with a genuine smile that differed from her customer friendly smile. G-49

"I've heard that. How did you know that?" House took her hand firmly and looked directly into her eyes.

"'I'll follow you and make a heaven out of hell, and I'll die by your hand which I love so well.'" House kissed the middle of the fingers he was holding. He didn't look away from her face.

"Oh, wow," she was clearly impressed. O-69

"'And even for that do I love you the more.  
I am your spaniel; and, _dear Jessica_,  
The more you beat me, I will fawn on you:  
Use me but as your spaniel, spurn me, strike me,  
Neglect me, lose me; only give me leave, '"

House kissed her where her fingers met her hand.

"'Unworthy as I am, to follow you.  
What worser place can I beg in your love,--  
And yet a place of high respect with me,--  
Than to be used as you use your dog?'"

He kissed the middle of her hand and closed his eyes. He looked like he was savoring the moment. After a moment he looked back up and took her hand in both of his with his thumbs on top. He used his ring and little fingers to stroke beneath her slightly curved fingers. He waited for her reaction. Her pulse increased, but she didn't move. House made lazy circles on the side of Jessica's hand with the index finger of his right hand slowly making his way to the underside of her wrist. She made a stuttered giggle. BINGO.

House brought her hand to his cheek, closed his eyes, and steered the back of her fingers down his beard. He brushed his lips across her knuckles.

"Jessica! Table 14 is waiting for you." Nobody had noticed Kelly was standing there. House looked at Kelly then back at Jessica apologetically.

"I'm sorry to keep you, but you are by far the best part of this evening." House let go of her hand making sure it looked reluctant and just a tad awkward.

"Any time," Jessica said unsteadily. She looked briefly around the table which gave Wilson and Curt a great view to see her rake her front teeth up her bottom lip. Both men were impressed.

"Anything else? Are you guys ready for another pitcher? More wings?" Kelly put a hand on Wilson's shoulder. Compared to the intimate entreaty they had just witnessed, it seemed coarse and impersonal.

"Another pitcher, please," House said with that same slightly devilish smile and sincere eyes. She nodded and left.

"If you are hitting on someone in their workplace, make sure you keep the illusion up after he or she walks away or co-workers will tell her how you told your friends you're in like Flynn." House finished his beer.

"That was amazing," Curt finally said. He wanted to kill Jessica so he could take her place.

"Wow, House, and yet you don't date. I'll never understand it." Wilson sipped at his root beer. As much as he enjoyed watching House's little show he always felt a little dirty like he was spying on something he shouldn't or peeping in a neighbor's window.

"Dating I can't do. Momentarily stay on task, that I can do. I'm not convinced that was effective. Did she look interested to you?" House was fairly positive she was. He had picked out a good choice. He might have gone a bit far with the Shakespeare, but she was eating it up. He wasn't sure what the audience thought.

"Interested? That is the first time I've actually seen somebody 'go weak in the knees'! Amazing!" Curt stopped talking before he added 'exciting' and 'arousing'.

"And still he calls me the Princeton Panty Peeler. Are you going to follow through?" Wilson didn't expect House to be so successful so quickly. He knew House went out by himself, but it didn't occur to him House had been practicing his skills on an unsuspecting public alone.

"Nope. She'll be disappointed I'm a cripple." House contemplated that idea. "Actually, she'll see my suffering as another romantic aspect of my tortured soul." That sobered House faster than he would have liked. He tried to lighten his mood. "I'm sure Shakespeare would forgive the liberties I took with his work since it was for a good cause."

"How did you do that? That Jessica Shakespeare thing – that's…wow…did you just happen to know that?" Curt was honored to witness House hypnotizing, or as Wilson put it 'charming', somebody.

"House knows all kinds of useless information. Sometimes I think he's only learned as much as he has to seduce, impress, or startle people. Anything to keep them off balance." Wilson noticed the slight change in House's countenance. He needed to head it off before House went from seduce mode to depress mode. "It works on men, too," Wilson said turning to Curt. "It probably works on animals. You should become his apprentice and have the Master pass his skills on to a new generation."

Oh yes, Curt thought. To be the Master's apprentice was exactly what he wanted.

"I wouldn't wish this burden on anybody, even Curt." House wished they could go back to talking about hospital gossip and baseball.

"We have to go to a gay bar so you can give me a demonstration. I'm not sure how that hand move will work on a male subject." Curt knew how it worked on his male subject.

"First of all, every person is unique. Yeah, I know it isn't true, but you have to believe it's true for the exercise."

Curt and Wilson chuckled at how analytically House spoke about seduction.

"You have to make your mark feel like they are special and the only thing you are thinking about at that moment. Sometimes it's a kiss to the hand followed by gentle finger stroking. Other times it's a well placed leer and long stare. It depends on the person and the desired result."

"You should write a book," Wilson postulated. "It would be a best seller."

"I'd buy it! What do you mean 'desired result'? If you don't date that only leaves looking for sex."

"That's your youth speaking. Sometimes it's nice to have someone to talk to over drinks or to impress your dinner companions. It's an ego boost."

"Says the man whose ego has been boosted so high there's a danger of it hitting the space station."

"Well I'm still amazed at the Jessica thing. A little trivia and she was putty in your hands." Curt was too hard to be putty in House's hands.

"That 'little trivia' is just a piece. Like Curtis – from the old French 'courteous'. Not a lot I can do with that. If it was Kurt with a K I could probably do something with 'good counsel', but it's a stretch. For you it would be more like a dance."

"A dance? You turn into Fred Astaire?" Wilson flashed on a memory of watching House dance at his second wedding. He was amazingly graceful and in his tux downright elegant. He had been Fred Astaire.

"It's sort of like what we do." Wilson didn't understand that so House elaborated. "It's a little flirting, a little teasing, but you don't usually play back or when you do I know you don't mean anything by it. If there is some mutual sexual interest it's more like a dance." Curt turned deep red and struggled to breathe evenly. Wilson laughed.

"That's a pretty big assumption to make. I know you think your irresistible and all, but Curt…" Wilson saw neither man was laughing.

"I'm not saying Curt is interested in me. I'm using him as an example. My point is sometimes the dance is the fun part. If it's somebody who is, for whatever misplaced reason, attracted to me and I want them, we could skip straight to 'let's fuck', but it's more fun to make it an understood seduction.

"If you wanted to sleep with Carla in Admissions, and I'm pretty sure you do, you would say something to her about her neck. She'd say, and I can hear her say it, 'it's designed for necking.' Then you'd say something about good design. If you said something more forward like 'let's test it out' she'd be unimpressed. She might jump into an empty exam room with you because it's you, but if you stretched it out and danced around what both of you are thinking, she'll be way more turned on. You know what I mean. You've done it enough times. I know you usually go with acting like a friend and being interested in her dreams and schemes, but you know how to do it."

"No, I know how to have a relationship. You know how to have a one night stand," Wilson summed up slightly insulted.

"That sounds about right." House conceded the point. "Maybe I should write a book. Maybe do a lecture series."

"How would you seduce me into a single night of passion?" Curt knew they'd have more than a single night, but he was dying to hear House talk to him directly.

"Okay, let's say I'm looking for sex, one time only, and I suspect you're game. I'd start with an opener and go from there." Wilson and Curt looked at House like he should continue.

"For example," House dropped his voice from conversational to something softer yet strangely dangerous. Wilson and Curt had to move in closer to hear him.

"Your hair looks nice. It's a good length for you," House said combing Curt's hair behind an ear. "Not that it matters." House stroked a finger down the outer rim Curt's ear. "Nothing could make you look bad." House turned to Wilson. "If Curt was really looking for an old man like me I'd lean in and whisper something obscene to him to make it clear I'm looking for a one nighter and not a relationship."

"Like what," Curt asked obviously having difficulty breathing. House internally crowed at being 2-0 for the evening.

Wilson was enjoying watching House concentrate on other people, but he was a little concerned by Curt's reaction. He wasn't so concerned he didn't push it.

"Yeah House, what kind of thing," he asked innocently. He knew how obscene House could be. He hoped Curt wouldn't be too offended.

House licked his lips. He was glad to turn the tables on Wilson's little buddy.

"Imagine we're both standing. The height advantage helps. I'd say something like, your hair frames your face nicely and you do have a lovely face." House ran a finger down Curt's jaw. "The only way you could look any better would be with my dick in your mouth." House leaned in until he was about 6 inches from Curt's lips. "And then I would kiss him until he couldn't breathe or tried to back away. If I'd made it that far and you didn't seem skittish, I'd press up against him and say something along the lines of 'Or would you rather I fuck your sweet ass until you scream my name? Is that what you want? You want me to pound into you, give you something you'll never forget? I bet you do. I bet you can't decide if you want my come in your ass or down your throat. Don't worry. I'll do everything to you until I've used you up." House made an almost animal growling sound and sat back in his chair. "Something like that. I usually improvise." He reached out for the last wing completely changing his demeanor.

Wilson stared slack jawed. House had never said that to him. He'd said he wanted to kiss him or make him feel good or maybe even do him. He never said anything that … graphic. He certainly never suggested coming down his throat. Hearing it made him swallow subconsciously.

Curt gripped the table. Thank God House hadn't leaned into him or he would have come in his pants. As it was he wasn't sure he was out of the woods on that front. The intensity of House's eyes, the dusky voice filled with arrogant lust – if he hadn't already been desperate for him that would have done it.

House looked from Wilson to Curt and back to Wilson. They were both staring at him. He wanted to shock Curt, give him a taste of the league he was trying to play in. He hadn't meant to turn him and Wilson into mannequins. He'd over done it. It was one thing to tell Wilson he had sex with men and tease him about his sexuality, but another thing entirely to give him a more explicit example.

And Curt, House thought Curt would be a little embarrassed. Hadn't he come on to House last night? Maybe he misinterpreted it. Maybe he'd been too drunk and stoned to understand. It wasn't a creepy suggestive act. Curt was helping his drunk ass get a bottle. Curt was probably trying to be friendly. Leave it to House to take normal, polite behavior as sexual. But then there was the couch. Maybe Curt had been mocking him and he hadn't realized it.

"That um…" Wilson wasn't sure what to say. That was unexpected? That was amazing? Surprisingly hot? No, he decided, best to not say anything.

"Yeah ah…" Curt didn't think he could say any more.

House wasn't going to apologize. They'd pushed him into it. He wanted to stop with the waitress. He didn't even want to start with the waitress! Now they acted like he was the pariah he usual felt like. The awkward silence wasn't helping.

"Hey guys, how about some ribs or a steak? The kitchen closes for dinner in 30 minutes. You can't live off beer and wings!" House was glad Kelly stopped by to change the subject.

"I'm thinking fried shrimp would be good." House looked at the other two. After too long a pause they both picked up menus.

"I don't know. I didn't realize we've been here this long." Wilson had planned on eating dinner at some point, but he really thought they should get out of here.

"Those ribs sound good," Curt said noncommittally. He wasn't getting up any time soon.

"I think they need a few minutes." House wondered if he should have suggested they finish the pitcher and get going. This was shaping up to be a long, uncomfortable evening.

"I'll be back in a few. This is for you." Kelly handed a piece of paper to House and winked. It made her look even more whorish. She turned and walked away in what House supposed she thought was a runway model way. It wasn't.

He smiled as he read the brief note. His ego was immediately soothed. This would change the topic at least. Kind of.

"What's it say," Wilson asked. "Is that the other girl's number?" Wilson could handle talking about women. Maybe.

"Nope. It's a message. I'll be back in about 20 minutes." House stood and picked up his cane.

"Wait, what?" Curt could use a little distance from his idol, but he wasn't expecting him to leave.

"Jessica says she has 15 minutes and I should meet her in a storage room." He waggled his eyebrows. Neither man reacted. "She probably wants to talk, hear a little poetry, a few compliments, and decide if she wants to give me her number. She'll see me in decent lighting with a cane and make that decision pretty fast." They didn't say anything. Curt looked surprised. Wilson looked hurt. House really didn't deserve judgmental friends. He thought Wilson was beyond that phase. He stalked off towards the kitchen. Wilson and Curt watched him go.


	7. Chapter 7 Standing Orders

**Warning: **This chapter includes graphic sexual content of a casual heterosexual persuasion (House/OFC). I don't normally write het so feel free to critique without any fear of hurting my feelings.

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Chapter 7 – Standing Orders

"I … ah …. I don't know what to say." Wilson had been stunned speechless by House's antics before, but this was different, completely, utterly different.

"Fuck." Curt wasn't as erudite as usual. He poured himself a beer. Wilson decided he could stand one more beer. They weren't going anywhere for a while.

"I'm sorry if, he, well, if House, you know, made you … uncomfortable."

"Only in my pants," Curt said without thinking. He hadn't meant to let Wilson know that.

"Yeah," Wilson replied without processing. He hadn't meant to acknowledge that especially out loud.

"Is that the kind of thing he did to you before you created your boundaries?" Wilson shook his head and lifted his glass.

"No, thank god. I wouldn't have handled it as well as you." Curt gave Wilson a doubtful look.

"Well? Greg just changed the properties of the universe! It was like he removed me from time and space. Christ! If he had kissed me, let's just say things would have gotten messy. Look at my hand. I'm still shaking!" Curt let out a breath just as shaky.

"Can I tell you something? You can't tell anybody especially House."

Curt was intrigued. A Wilson secret? That could come in handy. He nodded.

"You know I'm not gay." Wilson looked around like he expected somebody to be eavesdropping. "Sometimes though, just sometimes, I find House attractive, you know? When I told you about how when he was on top of me and licking my chest it was scary, you asked if I was scared because I didn't want him to stop. I was scared because I've never been attracted to men. I was scared because I never wanted anything or anyone so much in my life. I would have let him do anything he wanted to me and probably begged for more.

"I told you I snapped out of it. I only got to stop and think it through because a delivery guy rang the door bell. If we hadn't ordered Chinese, House wouldn't be my friend anymore. He was already too important to me. I couldn't risk losing him over a drunken fling."

Curt didn't think that was much of a secret. Who wouldn't be tempted by House?

"Don't worry about that meaning you're gay. You aren't attracted to men. You're attracted to House. He defies any simple classification as male or female, straight or gay. Greg is a sorcerer. He's beyond human." Curt had drunk too much and had been too close to House's raw power. He felt the need to talk even if it was to his unsuspecting rival.

"I don't know about beyond human," Wilson laughed, "but it's not normal. I've buried any thoughts about him. Then he'll do something innocuous and they burrow back to the surface. I don't mean the suggestive way he eats or the way he flashes his eyes. I mean stupid things like any time he doesn't wear a long sleeved shirt or when his hair isn't completely dry after a shower. One little drop of water speeding down his head, trickling onto his neck and I can't look at him for days. We've had a lot of issues in the last year and he doesn't even realize what half of them are."

"He's a very sexy man. I can't argue that point. Did you see how he ate those chicken wings? So suggestive while acting so nonchalant! If I didn't know better I would think he doesn't realize what he's doing." Curt didn't doubt House knew exactly what he was doing every second of the day.

"That's just it. He doesn't know. He's a megalomaniac with self esteem issues. It's crazy. If he comes back with the woman's number he'll feel good about it and brag for a minute, maybe two. Then he'll come up with some ridiculous reason why she doesn't really like him or how he'll screw it up. He thinks it's all some kind of trick. He tricks her by quoting Shakespeare then she tricks him by pretending she wants him. He really doesn't get it."

Kelly appeared and Wilson wondered how much she'd heard. He was pretty sure she hadn't heard anything.

"Anything look good?" Wilson knew he didn't have the skill to pull off a House style reply. He simply wasn't able to make it work. Curt couldn't keep from thinking House looked better to him than anything on the menu.

"How about shrimp, ribs, and a steak medium rare?" Wilson hoped that sounded like they'd looked at the menu. It became clear they hadn't when they didn't know the sides. It took forever. Finally they got through it and Wilson thought this might be a good time to change subjects.

"So how can he not know? Sure he can turn it on like gas on a bon fire, but the bon fire is always there." Clearly Curt liked the subject as it was.

"I heard a story about Marilyn Monroe. She was told by an acting coach the reason she was seen as a sex symbol no matter what role she was doing was because she was always thinking about sex. She said she wasn't always thinking about sex, but the coach wouldn't hear of it. I think House is like that. If he isn't distracted with a puzzle, he's imagining someone naked or thinking about how they'd be in bed. He sees people as useful or as sex objects or as useful sex objects. It's in his conditioning. It's so second nature he doesn't even realize he's doing it."

Curt thought that was good to know. He could see some validity to that idea. Thinking about House thinking about him the way he thought about House wasn't going to help with his hard on.

"I liked _Bus Stop._" Wilson was glad Curt finally changed the subject.

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House entered the "Employees Only" door. He barely got through the door before Jessica popped up and led him to another door. It was a typical restaurant supply room - extra giant cans of wing sauce, unopened boxes of napkins and straws – nothing special.

"I didn't get your name," Jessica said. House didn't care for her voice. She'd barely said anything and he wanted her to shut up.

"Greg. Nice closet you have here." She giggled. Was she even old enough to serve alcohol?

"You are the nicest guy I've met since I started working here." She started playing with the buttons on House's shirt. "I like your shirt." She undid two buttons and rubbed her hands over his chest up to his clavicles. If it wasn't his eyes, it was the clavicles. House never understood why, he just accepted it. Maybe he'd find someone attracted to his elbow one day and he'd ask them. Her right hand continued up to his neck.

"Thanks. It was a gift." He hooked his cane on a shelf and put his hands on her waist.

"I like your eyes, too." Her eyes looked a little glazed with dilated pupils.

"Thanks. They were a gift." She giggled again. House had to make an effort not to cringe.

"You're too funny. I like funny men." She grabbed House's hands and put them on her breasts.

"I like your breasts." This wasn't exactly getting her number. He hadn't expected her to be so forward. She must have had her heart broken into more pieces than he thought. He bent down and kissed her cheek. She turned her face and their lips met. That was enough encouragement for him. If she needed validation of her desirability he'd give it to her.

He consumed her mouth then bored just the tip of his tongue against hers. He untied her shirt and pulled her tits out of the cups of her bra. He expected her to tell him to stop or slow down any moment. House lavished wet kisses down her neck. Still no cease and desist order. He grabbed her tits and pushed them together. He flattened his tongue against one nipple then traced the areole. He did the same to the other then sucked the nipple between his teeth.

"Oh God, Greg, mmm yeah." He loved nipples. He bit lightly then sucked. Jessica put her hands on his shoulders then pushed them away from her. That was the signal he'd been waiting for. He tried to picture the path he'd need to take to the restroom. Between lusting after waitresses and talking dirty to Wilson's new best friend, Mr. Happy had come to the party. He didn't think Jessica would be the kind of girl to be offended. She'd probably take the bulge in his pants as a compliment. House certainly thought of it that way.

House was about to apologize when she smiled at him insanely and licked her lips. A look like that meant she would definitely give him her number and take his call. He wasn't sure he'd call her, but it was flattering. She grabbed his crotch. He moaned. He didn't want to stop her, but he thought he should. She undid his belt. Then again, she did have free will.

"Jessica," he growled smashing their mouths together. Her hands didn't stop working on his jeans and her hands were quickly wrapped around his cock. She giggled again, this time he guessed at the look on his face. Why did the hot, young, slutty chicks always have annoying laughs?

"We don't have much time. This is my dinner break." She dropped to her knees. She took his cock in her mouth all the way to his balls in one fluid motion.

"You've done this before," he said astounded by the realization he was getting a blow job in a stock room. He was a middle aged, semi-respected professional getting his dick gobbled in a supply closet anybody could come into at any moment. He almost came right then.

She pulled his cock out and made a popping sound on the tip. He knew she'd seen that in too many cheesy pornos. That didn't mean he was complaining.

"Not here. Kelly said it would be hot." She sucked on the head of his dick. "God she was right. I'm so fucking wet." She wrapped a hand around his shaft and began pumping. She chicken headed the tip. House made a humming grunt like sound on each downward motion. He finally found something positive about her mouth.

"hmm…hmm…hmm, oh yeah, hmm…hmm…Kelly is getting a really big tip." Jessica stopped. He wished he'd kept his big mouth shut so she wouldn't have shut hers.

"I want your big tip." Oh yeah. She'd been watching lots of cheesy porn.

"Anything you want, baby," he said. What was her name? Jessica! Yeah, yeah, yeah, he remembered. She stood up and made that insane smile. House regretted saying 'anything'.

She hiked up her skirt. Her tiny pink thong, while being completely impractical, begged House to touch it. He was concerned if he got on his knees it might be difficult to stand back up, but his oral fixation was strong. He had to find a different avenue to quench it. He grabbed the back of her head with one hand and pulled her in for another deep, sloppy, over enthusiastic kiss. His free fingers kneaded her pussy. He pushed aside the pink string and rubbed her clit. He stopped kissing her and brought his hand up to his face.

"You are really wet." He licked his finger tips. "And you taste so sweet." He returned to her clit, but as quickly as she had pulled his cock out, he pushed a finger into her vagina. He pinched her clit. Based on how turned on she was, her responses, her pulse and respiration rate, and his experience, he was confident he could get her off easily before her time ran out.

"Oh God! Oh yes, Greg, yes," she was gyrating against his hand and spreading her legs wider. She grabbed his dick. He pushed three fingers in and out of her. She moaned loud enough he was sure they heard her in the kitchen. "Stop, stop, Greg."

He pulled his fingers out. His lust screamed it was unfair to stop now, but he stepped away from her. He stroked his cock. He wished he wore looser jeans. He wished he hadn't gotten her note. He wished he could fuck her.

"Fuck me," she commanded. Wishes come true. She turned around and bent over using a shelf for support. House hesitated for a beat then pulled out his wallet. He tore a condom wrapper open with his teeth and she giggled again. He was going to tune that sound out before it made Mr. Happy become Mr. Floppy.

House didn't have a lot of experience fucking horny waitresses in stock rooms, but he was an old hand in putting on a rain coat. This was much more familiar territory. He grabbed her hips and widened her stance a little. He didn't bother with any further pretense. Slipping the thong aside, he pushed his cock deep into her pussy and held her there for a moment. He took a deep breath, slowly pulled out and then pounded into her.

Any moment somebody could open that door and find me fucking her with most of our clothes on like some desperate, horny teenagers. House was getting off on that image. He wouldn't stop if they found them. He bent over so he could grab one of her breasts and finger her clit. He wasn't going to last long. This was too dirty and nasty and deviant and hot. He used his fingers to write the out the alphabet on her clit and labia. It required just enough concentration to help him hold back. After the English alphabet he'd move on to the Greek and then the Hindi. He'd need both hands for that. On Omicron her moans got louder and a box of straws fell off a shelf. House thrust harder.

"Ooo…Oh God…Oh Fuck…Oh God…Greg…Oh God Greg!" That was the one he liked to hear. He pulled her torso up until he could reach her neck and ear. He licked her neck and sucked her earlobe just above her earring. "Christ! Oh God…Yes oh God…Yes Greg…Fuck me! Fuck me hard!"

"You feel so good." He whispered and grunted close to her ear. On a whim he started reciting William Blake's "The Clod and the Pebble". It was the first poem he thought of and he didn't think she'd know it wasn't Shakespeare. He was also sure she wouldn't pick up the irony. She'd hear "Love seeketh" and ignore the rest.

He didn't get very far before she bent forward again and ground her ass against him. Her moaning became shouting. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been with a screamer. It made him want to get louder, but he remembered they were basically in public.

"So beautiful," he groaned. Jessica cried out and House had to grab her tightly to keep her on her feet as her knees buckled. House felt like he'd won. He seized her hips and plowed into her deep and hard. He came with a strangled cry. He rested a moment then pulled out of her.

She clung to the shelf. He fell back against the wall. "That was great," House told her as he regained the ability to form words. She giggled. It sounded so annoying he laughed. She smiled at him and stumbled over to him for another kiss.

"With three minutes to spare." They kissed some more before straightening clothing and trying to look like they hadn't had sex. House didn't try very hard, but he helped tie her shirt. He thought it was the least he could do in the post sex awkward stage.

"Your hair is wrecked," he said touching it. He loved hair.

"I'm wrecked!" Jessica smiled, but didn't giggle. That he could tolerate. "Oh my God! I can't believe I did that! We did that!" She was talking way too fast. That was less tolerable. "Here's my number. Call me anytime. Wow, you are so good at that! Way better than Alan!" She handed House a piece of paper and kissed him again. "Oh wow, oh wow wow wow." She was articulate.

"'Thanks' seems a little strange." He kissed her temple. He thought it must be some kind of biological imperative that made him suddenly feel protective of her. "You are so beautiful and young and hot and sexy. Don't ever let anyone make you feel like you aren't." He stopped himself from adding "slutty and dirty and kind of annoying". Thinking that made him smile and she smiled back. For all she knows I'm thinking about killing her and wearing her skin, House thought. She's completely insane.

He opened the door to leave first. Five employees were standing in the hall trying to look like they hadn't been listening. A guy he recognized as a bartender gave him a thumb's up. At least he was getting positive reviews.


	8. Chapter 8 Post Closet Coitus

Chapter 8 – Post Closet Coitus

"Your meals should be out in a few minutes." Kelly had taken their orders less than five minutes ago so they weren't exactly surprised to hear the food wasn't ready. Kelly hovered before leaning in conspiratorially. "I don't know what your friend is doing to Jessie, but you can practically hear her from here!" Wilson and Curt didn't know what to say to that.

"I'm sure he isn't hurting her. He wouldn't…" Wilson trailed off as he wasn't sure what he was reassuring her House wouldn't do. He was sure the list of things House wouldn't do wasn't very long.

"Oh she's not in any pain," Kelly laughed. "I can't believe she's doing it. I mean, I told her it was fun, you know, hot. Her boyfriend dumped her Wednesday and when she said she liked your friend and I said go for it, I didn't think she'd be so…loud. I've got to go. I'm covering her tables while she's on 'break'," she said making air quotes. She hurried back to the employee area.

"You don't think he's…" Curt didn't want to say 'fucking that whore', but that's how he felt. She didn't deserve him. Wilson shook his head.

"With House, who can say? He'll come back and tell us he banged her even if they only discussed which beer goes best with the buffalo wings." The images Kelly conjured brought their conversation to a stand still.

* * *

"This is a really nice restaurant." Curt and Wilson both looked at House expecting him to say more as he sat down at the table. He poured himself a beer. "Did I miss anything? It looks like you two did some damage to the pitcher." They continued to stare. It made House feel more self conscious. "What?"

"You should probably button at least one more button on your shirt. Or you could buy some gold chains and try for that lounge lizard look." House looked down and saw he forgot to button his shirt. He sighed and buttoned it.

"Is there something else I need to fix? I don't have a used condom hanging out of my pocket or anything?" Wilson finally smiled even though it was his judgmental smile.

"I'm sure you're dying to tell us the salacious details." Wilson wasn't sure he wanted the details, but wanted to give House the opening to tell them.

"What details? I went to see Jessica." He held out a piece of paper. "She gave me her phone number." House picked up his phone and added her to his contacts.

"Oh come on, Greg," Curt said joining the non-conversation. "The waitress told us there were some unmistakable sounds." Curt wanted to hear all about it even if the idea of her touching him made him angry. Every little piece of info helped him get closer to the prize.

"I don't think it's appropriate to discuss." House changed gears. "Did you guys order me something to eat? Suddenly I'm starving."

"Yes and you can't not tell us." If it was something House didn't want to talk about Wilson had to hear it even if it made him sick. "Tell us about your hot, little rendezvous."

"Don't skip anything," Curt added eagerly. Wilson had told Curt House would tell them. If he wasn't telling them did it mean nothing happened or that something too amazing to pass along happened? A nightmare of House being in love with the waitress played out before him.

"I'm not telling you guys anything. And don't start speculating. Jessica is a nice woman so get your minds out of the gutter." House sounded dead serious. "Do you think I should tell Chase I like the shirt? If I wear it to work do you think he'll get it or will I need to explain? I don't want him to get all emotional about it."

"He'll get it by seeing you wear it. He'll probably get all emotional, but he'll take it out on Cameron." Wilson reluctantly changed the topic. "Make sure you wash it though. I wouldn't want…" House cut him off.

"Ok, we aren't talking about what happened back there while we are here. I don't want her coworkers, like the bus boy who was behind you, hearing. I think they heard more than enough." They looked at House before turning to each other trying to silently discuss if House was messing with them. Wilson hunted for the non-sexual conversation topic.

"Don't let this shirt get all ratty like all your others. Keep it for special occasions if that's what it takes to keep it nice." Wilson pushed the half empty glass of beer he'd been drinking to the center of the table. He was cutting himself off again. They'd eat and leave quickly before his curiosity made his brain explode.

"At least wear it to work once when you know Chase will be around to see it. It might not mean anything to you, but he seems the type who would really appreciate the smallest sign of appreciation." Curt was talking, but he wasn't really listening to himself. He wanted to get their meals to go so he could pump House…for details. Yes, pump him for details.

"True. How do you know Chase?" He was tempted to throw them a curve ball and admit he sought him out to find out more about House. Curt had made up a boring story expecting this to come up some time. At least it would keep them all distracted from what they all wanted to discuss.

* * *

They barely had the car doors closed before the interrogation started.

"What the fuck was that, House?" Wilson sounded indignant, but he was more stunned than anything.

"You've got to tell us what really happened 'cause the waitress seemed to think you were shagging her friend." Curt sounded stunned, but he was more jealous than anything.

House bit his lip and smiled. He had spent the meal trying to decide if he should shock them with details or frustrate them with a coy response. He still hadn't really decided.

"I had some fun with a very young woman in a backroom. That barbecue sauce comes from a can, by the way." Regardless of what House did or did not say he did plan on teasing them a little.

"That's great, Greg, but what sort of fun did you have? You weren't gone long enough to play Monopoly."

"Well, Curt, I suppose it depends on how you play the game." House was enjoying this as much as the sex.

"Don't play this game and tell us what happened." Wilson's tone took some of the fun out of it. He sounded mad. House guessed screwing a waitress didn't qualify as being on his "best behavior" although on his track record of best behavior attempts this only rated about half way up the scale.

"Fine. Alan dumped Jessica. Jessica wanted to have rebound sex. I obliged."

"Not good enough," Wilson said merging with traffic.

"She said I was." House couldn't stop smiling. This had been a great night!

"I think he meant your details are a little vague. I guess if nothing really happened…" Wilson jumped on Curt's suggestion.

"That's it! You aren't bragging because nothing really happened. She cried on your sympathetic, horny shoulder about her ex-boyfriend then gave you her number hoping you could talk more." Wilson didn't think that's what happened, but he thought House's ego wouldn't let him keep quiet. He was right.

"She pulled me into a backroom supply closet sort of room place. We kissed and groped. Then she gave me a blow job."

"What?" Wilson wasn't expecting him to rattle off details like explaining how he made a sandwich. "Blow job" seemed abrupt, like explaining how to make a baloney sandwich and casually saying to smoke some meth before adding mustard.

"Wow – was she good at it?" Curt asked before he considered if that was appropriate.

"Yes, she was very skilled."

"So you kissed her and she couldn't help herself and had to suck you?" Wilson wasn't sure if that was all that unlikely. He'd seen House affect women in all kinds of ways from angry to zealous. Then again, she looked like she could use some money. He might have paid her.

"You guys are sick. Do you want to see pictures?"

"Yeah, if you've got 'em." Curt really hoped he did.

"Start over and tell it like it really happened." Wilson wasn't sure how many details he could handle.

"It's not that complicated. We kissed. We fondled. I sucked her nipples."

"You left that out before." House gave Curt an annoyed look. Was he taking notes or something?

"Then she said the clock was ticking and gave my dick a licking." House laughed at his own drunken rhyming. He didn't notice nobody else was laughing. "Like I said, she was good. Not the best, but she had nice technique and enthusiasm. She stopped abruptly. Then I fingered her. The she stopped that abruptly, bent over, and told me to fuck her. I fucked her. She gave me her number. I gave her advice. We exchanged pleasantries and walked out to a hallway full of smiling coworkers." House thought that covered it. If they wanted anything more graphic they were going to have to get him drunker.

"Kelly said Jessica was loud. She wanted to know what you were doing to her. She sounded impressed." Wilson had been dying to tell House that. House laughed. He looked a little embarrassed. That was a rarity and Wilson almost wrecked trying to get a good look.

"I taught her the Greek alphabet. That's self explanatory, right?"

"No," Curt and Wilson said in unison.

"It's a trade secret. I've already said too much."

"So are you going to call her?" Wilson couldn't imagine House dating her.

"I think I might. I mean, if she was that wild after a compliment can you imagine what she'll do after a nice dinner?" Nobody said anything for a few moments. House wondered if they were judging him again. He didn't care if they were. He told himself that until he had to say something.

"Look, I don't have anything in common with her. Her laugh is obnoxious. She's not very bright and I'm being very kind by putting it that way. She has serious self esteem problems. But she's also a good lay. I'm sorry if that troubles your sensibilities."

"Why don't you have sex with people you like? You could even date somebody." Curt mentally finished the sentence with "like me."

"House has problems getting involved with people and he doesn't like anybody so he has to have casual sex with people he dislikes or buy it." Wilson was pissed off talking about House dating. In theory, House dating was innocuous. In reality, House dating would mean House cared about somebody. Wilson had no reason to feel like that was cheating on him, but it was like somebody stepping on his turf. Wilson didn't see any irony in that.

"You make me sound so dreamy and yet which one of us got laid tonight? Oh that's right. I did."

"Hey you can't declare sole victory until the night is over." Not that Wilson thought he or Curt had a chance. It was the principle.

"Did our waitress give you her number?" House turned to the back seat. "Did you get the bartender's?"

"He wasn't my type," Curt replied even though he didn't even remember seeing a bartender.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" House had realized before that he didn't know anything about Curt, but now he was curious. He wrote it off as a desire to change the topic and boredom.

Curt wondered if that was a trick question. Was House fishing for something other than yes or no? He was getting closer, but he still didn't know the man well enough to read him.

"Not at the moment," Curt answered in a monotone he thought gave away nothing.

"Leave him alone, House." And he must have failed if Wilson felt the need to come to his aid.

"I'm just trying to get to know him better. For all I know he has a boyfriend and three adopted children. Maybe he was only trying to hook up with you to prove he still had it."

"As if anybody could hide anything from you, I'm pretty sure Curt couldn't hide a secret family."

"It's okay. I don't mind Greg wanting to know more about me. I'm flattered he asked." Oh how true that was!

"How long since your last boyfriend?" House liked the way Curt was uncomfortable, but didn't want to admit it. He thought up other questions to ask.

"Serious boyfriend – about two years. Casual kind of a boyfriend, but not willing to commit – about six months." In reality it had been almost four years since he had a serious relationship, but he didn't want House to know that.

"Two years? So it's really been more like, what, three years and six or seven months? Most people don't want others to realize how long they have failed at monogamy and commitment." House took the silence as a bullseye.

"I don't really count the days. It's not like I was a jilted lover." House knew everything! Was it possible to hide anything from him? Hadn't Wilson said a few moments earlier that nobody could hide anything from House? He was right!

"And if a person says they aren't a jilted lover it means either their partner betrayed them and they dumped the dirty cheater or they broke up amicably which we all know isn't really possible unless you were married to Wilson." Again, the silence meant he was on to something. It didn't matter what it was only that it made Curt's leg bounce with nervous energy.

"We had issues that doomed our relationship." Curt hoped that was enough, but he doubted it was.

"Issues can cover a lot of territory. Was the sex bad? Did he leave the cap off the toothpaste? Did you sleep with his brother?"

"No." Curt understood what people had warned him about with House. It was fun to watch somebody else under cross examination, but it was unnerving to be on the receiving end. He couldn't imagine how bad it would be if they weren't in a car at night with little light. At least House couldn't burn his eyes into him.

"I didn't think so." House was glad he'd found a topic that shut the man up. "I don't see you as the kind who'd sleep with a serious partner's relatives. You put an emphasis on serious so I don't think a mild annoyance like toothpaste etiquette would upset you enough to end things. I'm pretty sure the sex wasn't bad. I don't think you'd be in a serious relationship with somebody who couldn't give you what you needed. Plus people are quick to rat out bad lovers. It automatically raises your own profile by saying somebody was below you, figuratively speaking."

"That's a stupid theory." Wilson had let House pontificate way too long. "It could be that nobody was to blame or Curt thinks it's his fault." What little Wilson knew about Curt's love life was too much and he really didn't want to know more. House's curiosity didn't need to be satisfied.

"Are you implying Curt is a bad lover?" Wilson was glad they were only a few blocks from dropping off House. "I doubt that. He's got that sensual vibe thing going. You are probably a good lover because you care so much about your partner's needs. Curt's sensuality attracts others like him and he wants to impress his lovers. I'm an amazing lover because my ego won't allow me to be second best. We are a pack of studs." House chuckled at the glow to Wilson's cheeks and the continued silence from Curt. He was so pleased he regretted they had returned home.

Wilson was beyond glad to be back at House's place. This evening had made him more uncomfortable about House's sexuality even while he begged for more details. He knew this would be one of those nights he'd get home, climb into bed, and not be able to get House out of his mind.

Curt couldn't believe House called him sensual! And he knew he'd be a good lover! He found himself fantasizing about proving it to House. Repeatedly.

"Okay House, home safe and as sound as you ever are." House was confused.

"Aren't you going to come in for a night cap?" He had assumed they would. It wasn't even late. He was losing his buzz, Curt was probably sobering up and Wilson was sober. That situation demanded a night cap.

"Hadn't planned on it." While a drink sounded great at that moment, Wilson had too many conflicting thoughts going on to deal with House.

Curt needed a drink and wasn't in a hurry to leave House's company, but he thought it might be a good idea to end things on a high note.

House understood what was going on here. They were going to drop the old man off and go someplace else to party where they could talk about how immoral he was. At least he had spent some time with Wilson and, while he still got a sensual, but creepy vibe off Curt, he wasn't a bad guy. He could see why Wilson liked hanging out with him better. Curt was a happy guy who liked to have fun. He felt better being in the background now he'd seen them together in their native habitat. Coming to terms with that put a somber glaze over the evening. He opened the door.

"I um…this was fun. You two have a good time. I might get lucky again and Lifetime might be showing another Joe Penny movie." He nodded to Curt and climbed out of the car. His leg was stiffening up from too much use. It was better they leave before they had more evidence of how much House didn't belong.

He was opening the door to the foyer before Curt got out to move to the front seat. For a moment House thought they'd changed their minds. When had he gotten so needy? He was going to have a long talking to himself after he got inside and before he blacked out.


	9. Chapter 9 House Break

Chapter 9 – House Break

It wasn't like Wilson was consciously avoiding House. Sure he had scheduled lunch meetings and didn't invite House, arrived at work earlier than usual then stayed later, taken the stairs, and bribed Taub to text House's movements to him, but he wouldn't have run the other way if he saw House coming. Okay, except on Monday morning when he pretended he didn't see House and scurried into Cuddy's office.

But it wasn't like he didn't want to see him - quite the opposite. After Saturday night he wanted to see House. That was the real problem. It was one thing to occasionally fantasize about his best friend. That was normal. Guys had those thoughts even though most would deny it. Saturday Wilson crossed that line.

He imagined House saying all kinds of things to him like he had Curt. Then he was touching himself. Then he was hard. Then he was stroking his cock. Then he was coming screaming House's name. Then he was mortified. You might have a brief fantasy about your best friend, but you did not jerk off thinking about him.

So Wilson decided he needed a House break.

Curt didn't want a House break. Wilson didn't say why he needed a break, but Curt was fine with not knowing. He spied on House as usual and finally found him on his own Wednesday in the cafeteria. He decided he knew House well enough he could safely join him in public. He was 90% sure of that. He was 85% sure when he bought a cup of coffee. As he got closer it was more like 75%.

"Hey, Greg," he said in his faux casual voice that always worked with Wilson. He wouldn't be surprised if House saw right through it. He pulled out a chair and sat down without waiting for an invite.

House nodded an acknowledgment of Curt's presence. House had been concentrating on the problem of Wilson avoiding him and staring at a particular fake knot hole in the wall. He was torn from his thoughts by Curt's voice. Did he think he was fooling anybody? House still hadn't solved what Curt was up to, but he was still sure he was trying to fool somebody about something.

"Are you hanging with me and James tonight?" Please let him say yes!

"Not that I'm aware." So Wilson wasn't avoiding his little buddy. House wondered what happened between the two of them after they took him home. Had they gone back to Wilson's place? Had Curt seduced him and he was afraid House would be able to tell if he talked to him? Did Curt say something to Wilson about House? Had he freaked Wilson out more than he thought at the restaurant?

"Too bad. I had a great time Saturday. Didn't you have fun?" Curt wasn't giving up so easily. If House wanted to see Wilson bad enough he'd show up wherever they went.

"It was swell. You and Wilson have fun after dropping me off?" He knew Curt wouldn't give him anything concrete, but he could tell a lot by body language.

"I had fun. Wilson dropped me off and I replayed our little conversation over and over and over until I couldn't replay it anymore." House smirked at him. What was his game? "Saturday night made me rethink my career path. Maybe I should be a waiter." Curt licked his lips. It was more because his mouth had gone completely dry than to look sexy.

"I think you're missing some equipment to wait tables at Bouncers." House's pager beeped. It wasn't a bad thing. It was bad for his patient, but it gave House a good excuse to get away from the creepy way Curt was looking at him. He wondered if that was the way he looked at everybody. "Gotta run. Patient's lug popped. Good thing it wasn't a lung!"

"Let me know if he needs a respiratory therapist."

"Will do." House wanted to say "nobody needs a respiratory therapist", but he didn't. He hoped Wilson appreciated how much effort he was going through.

"Cool and if you aren't doing anything tonight you should hang out with us. Or we could stop by again." House decided sharing Wilson was better than no Wilson.

"Sure, why not? You guys are my get lucky charm." House limped away.

Curt mentally jumped for joy. He hoped Wilson wouldn't screw this up and tell him House couldn't join them. They didn't have any real plans and after spending time with House seeing Wilson on his own was even duller than it had been.

* * *

"What's on tap for tonight?" Curt hoped Wilson hadn't come up with anything.

"I don't know. I don't feel like going out. Want to come over and watch TV?" Yes!

"That's fine. Should will watch at your place or House's?" Please say House…

"I'm not sure House would appreciate us dropping in unexpected again. We got off lucky this weekend." Yes! An opening!

"He said he wanted to hang tonight. I know I don't know him as well as you, but he seemed lonely. Are we really his only friends?" As if Curt didn't already know the answer. He hoped he planted a seed of guilt.

Wilson's first reaction was along the lines of "No, I'm his only friend." He knew that was selfish. If House tolerated Curt that was almost like being a friend.

Wilson's second reaction was along the lines of 'He probably is lonely, poor socially awkward recluse.' He knew that was an over simplification of House, but it was still true. If even someone who hadn't spent much time around House could tell he was lonely it was probably worse than normal.

Wilson's third reaction was along the lines of 'I don't want to see House until I've repressed some more feelings.' The problem with that was he missed House. He wasn't sure he'd be able to hide his feelings forever. He was sure he didn't want to be away from House forever.

"Okydokey, then. House's place it is. I'll meet you there at 7."

"Sounds good to me." Sounds very good, thought Curt.

Wilson spent the afternoon distracted. He was so preoccupied with how to act around House his assistant even noticed something was wrong. He told her he was just tired and she suggested they juggle the schedule so he could go home a little early. She said he'd been working too hard lately. He heard House's voice in his head saying 'Yes, you've been way too hard lately.' He ignored it and took her suggestion.

He told himself the reason he was sneaking out of the hospital was because he was leaving early and not because he was afraid of running into House.

At home he went straight for a beer. People wouldn't be surprised to find House had driven him to drinking, but they'd probably be shocked to know what the final straw was.

Wilson stretched out on the couch and imagined what would happen at House's place tonight. At work he tried to concentrate on the mundane aspects. He'd knock on the door. House would tell him to come in. They'd laugh about something House had said to a patient or one of his fellows. Curt would show up a few minutes later. They'd have a few beers, no hard liquor at least for him.

They'd watch some movie they had seen a thousand times that Curt had never heard of. House would mock his lack of knowledge concerning 80's b-movies and stick him with paying for their dinner. It would get a little late and House would make some not so subtle hint that they had worn out their welcome. They'd probably leave and go their separate ways, but he and Curt might go to a bar. Maybe he'd confide in Curt how his feelings were getting out of hand.

Now that he was home his imagined scenario focused on the things he was worried about like House leering at him when he opened the door. Then House would tell him some amusing anecdote or piece of salacious gossip and House would smile they way he only smiled around him. Curt would show up and House would pretty much ignore him. House would accidentally put on a porno instead of the 80's b-movie they had agreed to watch. Curt would encourage him to keep playing it. House would sit close to Wilson on the couch and complain about the lack of space. He'd stretch his limbs out to prove his point. His hand would rest on the back of the couch behind Wilson's head. In spite of his initial reluctance he'd be drawn into watching whatever debauchery House had chosen. As soon as he felt more at ease with the awkward situation House's hand would move and he'd feel his fingertips playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

Wilson didn't want to think about the little spike of electricity he'd feel running down his spine when House touched him. He'd probably shiver and House would move closer. Then he'd start rubbing his chest. House would reposition himself until he was practically on top of him. He'd try valiantly to ignore his presence.

Wilson chuckled. Who was he kidding? He'd tell himself to not react or to tell House to back off, but the way he was feeling he'd be moaning and pushing House's hand lower.

Wilson decided he needed another beer.


	10. Chapter 10 The Church of House

**Warning**: Smutty chapter dead ahead!

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Chapter 10 – The Church of House

Curt had left House a note saying they'd be over at 7. He hoped House read it. He hoped House hadn't changed his mind. He hoped…Curt hoped a lot. He pulled up in front of House's place at 6:40. He'd paced back and forth for an hour after work before deciding he had to _do_ something. Curt drove around for a while, but he kept finding himself a few blocks from House. He decided 6:40 was close enough. He'd tell House he was running errands and it didn't take as long as he expected. That seemed plausible. He debated whether House would call him on it for a few minutes before taking a deep breath and going to the door.

"It's open! I'm not getting up!" Curt hadn't knocked yet. Amazing! He willed his hands not to shake opening the door. "I was wondering if you were ever going to get out of your car." House sat at his piano. He wasn't playing, but he had been tinkering on a piece he had stuck in his head.

Curt was shocked and looked every bit of it. House's ability to know was exhilarating and frightening. Part of him wanted to panic while another wanted to drop to his knees and worship House as a demigod.

"I could see you out the window." House thought of how often he'd seen that look on someone's face. It seemed to question how House could make what was to him a simple observation. He usually used it to startle people. Since Curt wasn't going anywhere until whatever plan he had was done, he took pity on him and explained. Curt didn't seem satisfied. House was starting to find the man exhausting. He reminded himself he was doing this for Wilson.

"I can't read your mind or anything if that's what you're thinking. No magic, just me."

Curt continued staring for a moment and then smiled. Of course he was magic! And House was telling him he was special! House couldn't read his mind. Maybe he didn't want to. Maybe he wanted to get to know Curt one-on-one. Of course! He wanted to keep some mystery to their relationship. It was romantic in a Housian way.

House was getting that creepy vibe from Curt again. Before he could call him on it Curt's phone rang.

"It's James. Hi Jammy! What's up? … Oh. … No, that's cool. … Ha! Yeah! … No, I'll find something to do. … I can't guarantee that. I'm in the mood to get into trouble! … Okay … See ya. Take care of yourself." Curt restrained himself from jumping up and clicking his heels. Wilson said he thought he was coming down with something and it would be best for him to stay home and get some rest. Life was good!

"Looks like it's me and you, Greg. James is feeling under the weather." Happy happy, joy joy, happy happy, joy! House's phone rang.

"It's Wilson. Shocker! What? … So? … I happen to be a doctor. Why don't we do a reverse house call and you come over here so I can check you out? … Fine … See ya. Take care of yourself." House wanted Wilson to know he was with Curt. That idea would scare him witless. He figured Curt would leave now that Wilson was a no show. Maybe House would go over to Wilson's and question him about his behavior.

Wilson knew Curt would roll with him cancelling and he thought House would let it go. The last thing he needed was House checking him out. House touching his brow to feel for a fever, feeling his glands for swelling, following the trail of lymph nodes down… Wilson was disgusted to find he was touching himself again. Maybe he should talk to Curt about it.

Curt. "See ya. Take care of yourself." That didn't sound like House, but it did sound like House mimicking Curt. Were they together? Did House have his phone tapped again? Was he getting paranoid? Wilson decided the wire tap was the most likely answer.

"Guess the party's over." House stared at Curt. He expected it would intimidate him into leaving faster.

"Not over, changed." Curt sat down on the couch next to the arm. "Instead of a party it's something a little more … intimate." Curt kicked his shoes off and brought his bent legs up onto the couch. House was still staring at him. The intensity was almost too much for him. He had butterflies, but thought he concealed it well. "Why don't you play something for me?"

"I don't do requests." What was wrong with this guy?

"Anything is fine. I'd love to hear you play." House raked his hand over his face. Seriously, what was wrong with him?

"I'm feeling a little run down. Must have caught whatever Wilson has. You should probably go." Curt stood up and for a brief moment House thought he was leaving. To leave he would have put on his shoes and walked towards the door. Instead he was walking in his socks over to the piano.

"That's the problem working in a hospital – too many germs flying around." Curt put his hand on House's shoulder. He had that sense of power vibrating, quivering just under the surface. It was tantalizing and intoxicating. He needed all his self control.

"That's one of the many problems." Why did Curt keep touching him? People touching him made him nervous. House couldn't figure out what kind of game he was playing or how it connected with Wilson.

Curt leaned in and put his lips on House's forehead briefly. He pulled away and moved behind House. He rubbed his shoulders with minimal pressure. His heart was pounding. He bent down to House's ear.

"You feel a little warm." He slid his hand off House's right shoulder down to the first fastened button on House's wrinkled shirt. It was already buttoned low, but he wanted a little more access. He easily slipped the button through the worn hole. Curt slipped his hand inside the shirt.

What the hell was he doing? House didn't move. Was this psycho expecting a reaction? He wasn't going to give him one. How could this have anything to do with Wilson while it must have something to do with Wilson? His attention snapped back to the present when he felt fingers rubbing circles over and around his left nipple.

"I think it's time you stop." House knew his tone would make anybody stop, but Curt seemed oblivious to how dangerous House could be. Curt pinched his nipple and he involuntarily moaned.

"Why stop when we are both enjoying it so much?" He kissed House's neck. "I've heard two stories about your love of nipples. Is this turning your 'warm' to 'hot'?"

House wanted to answer no and shrug him off or at least part of him did. The other part wanted to fuck Curt into next week. Of course, House usually wanted to fuck almost everybody into next week.

"It's time you stop. Get back on the couch." Curt lazily moved his hand back up and walked to the couch. This was going to be good, he thought. House ordering him around, making him his puppet. It was awesome!

House was going to get to the bottom of this. He didn't know what kind of game Curt was playing, but he was messing with the wrong guy. If he thought House would let him take advantage of Wilson or try to break them apart he was going to be sorely disappointed. Except he'd already helped Wilson get the space he wanted. No, this was not the time for self doubt.

"What are you doing here?" He thought that was a good opening.

"Isn't it obvious? I want to spend more time with you. You like sex. I want to have sex with you." Curt couldn't tell anything from House's body language. Was this a test? "I want to serve you."

House was getting really tired of this. Why couldn't this guy act like everybody else and run away in terror? And what was with the bullshit about wanting to serve him?

"Everybody loves sex. Tell me what you're up to. What does this have to do with Wilson?" He limped around the center of the room. It helped focus him on the critical whys.

"Oh! Oh, I get it! I'm not trying to replace Wilson. I know he's important to you. He's not worthy of your attention, but I suppose he's the best you can find. I want to be important to you, too." Curt stood up. House took two steps back. "I can do things for you Wilson won't. I can prove to you I'm worthy." Curt felt the spirit of his puppet master inhabit him. He was no longer under his own control. He loved it. Relinquishing responsibility was so freeing!

"I want to touch you." Curt walked towards House. House didn't flinch. Curt dropped to his knees. House was dumbfounded by Curt's behavior. Curt put his hands on House's waist. He nuzzled his head against House's crotch.

"I want to taste you." Curt kissed House through his jeans. He grabbed House's belt. House was completely baffled by his actions.

"I want to see you." Curt undid the buckle, button, and zipper. The analytic part of House's brain still wondered what Curt could be up to. He thought it was better to stop him now and study him later. His curiosity as to how far he'd go was stronger. Curt tugged down his jeans and boxers. Apparently another part of House didn't care about motivation. Curt stopped pulling slightly above his scar. Any lower and he would have stopped him. Curt was too big a fruit loop to let him see his damaged thigh.

"I want to smell you." Curt rubbed his nose along House's pubic hair at the base of his cock.

"I want to worship you." He sucked House's cock down his throat. House's cane helped support him as his knees buckled. He had not expected that. He thought Curt would stop way before "worship". Whatever the psycho was up to he was committed. And he knew how to give head.

Curt loved the feel of House's dick in this mouth. He took it as deep as he could without gagging trying to consume him. It became harder as House got harder, but the amazing feeling of depth was replaced with the incredible throbbing sensation that filled his mouth. He moved his tongue to feel the pulse better.

"Christ!" House didn't care why Curt was doing this, but now that he started he'd better not change his mind before he finished the job. No sooner had he thought it, Curt made a choking sound and took him out of his mouth. He stroked him roughly. One thing he liked about men, they knew being a little tough wouldn't hurt anything.

"I want to make you happy." Curt smiled up at House. This was as good as Curt imagined. It was like he was absorbing part of House and his power with every lick. He flicked his tongue back and forth at the small piece of flesh between the glans.

That did make part of House happy. It didn't do much for his leg.

"Moving to the couch would make me happy." House's pulled up his jeans to walk. Curt scooted over to the couch without standing up. Curt reminded House of an overactive puppy.

House moved considerably slower. He hesitated taking his jeans completely off. From experience House knew he could pull his boxers down, step out of one leg, and pull them back up to partially cover his leg. It was less than ideal. He still wasn't comfortable letting Curt see his scar. On the other hand, it would be more comfortable without denim in the way of his blow job. A blow job trumped modesty.

Curt made an effort not to look at the part of the scar that wasn't covered. More accurately, he made an effort not to get caught looking at the scar. He wondered if House was as powerful before the infarction as he was now. He doubted it. If he was it wouldn't have happened. Maybe that had something to do with the secret to his strength.

House loved the feel of his couch against bare skin. He got comfortable and crooked his finger at Curt to come closer. He knew the guy was a whack-o, but the best fucks usually were. And it was only a blow job. And Curt started it. And he was really doing this to make sure Curt wasn't using Wilson. One of those reasons had to stick.

"I want to please you." Curt licked the slit of House's dick while holding the shaft close to the base. He sucked the tip into his mouth and held him tightly.

House groaned. Hearing Curt's voice took some of the thrill away. It reminded him Curt was a schemer and had an unknown agenda. House would have to show him his. Maybe he needed an example of House's darker side.

"You like pleasing me?" Curt hummed an affirmative and nodded taking in a little more of House's cock. House cupped Curt's cheek with his hand. "I can tell. Put your hands behind your back." Curt started pulling House out of his mouth. "Oh no, leave it there. Just put your hands behind your back."

Curt clasped his hands together behind his back. He was under House's complete control. Free will was a thing of the past.

House moved his hand to the back of Curt's head. He wrapped his other hand around his shaft. He pulled Curt's head down until it met fingers then lightly pulled back. He did this a few times until he felt Curt had the idea.

"You said you wanted to worship me. You've got the kneeling down." House let go of his cock. "Do you think you're ready to take communion?" Curt looked up at him and hummed "uh-huh". "You have to earn it first, but that shouldn't be any trouble for a good cocksucker like you."

House put his other hand on Curt's cheek then slid it down to his chin. He experimented to find the right placement and pressure. When he had it just right he smiled down at Curt.

"I suggest you stay limp - your neck at least. You wouldn't want to get a crick." House pulled Curt's head down towards the base. He held him there until he felt Curt choking. It wasn't as deep as he would have liked, but it was acceptable. Then he held him another moment before pushing him back. He pulled completely out so Curt could catch his breath. House stroked his cock while he waited.

"You were doing so well! Do you want to try again?" Curt nodded. House grabbed his hair at the roots and pulled. Curt looked up at him and House thought he saw a little fear there. About time. He traced Curt's lips with the tip of his dick leaving a trail of pre-come.

"Lick your lips. Good, now open wide." Curt complied. House started off slowly again. "This is what I meant about people being unique. I wouldn't do this to just anyone." House moved Curt's head a little faster.

Curt couldn't believe House was calling him special again! He was elated. He sucked House hard.

"Fuck! You are really good at this. Think you can take me a little deeper? Yeah, I think you can." House moved Curt's head down farther. "mmmm…I'm really close. That's how good you are."

House pulled Curt's head down as close to the base of his dick as he could without causing Curt physical harm. This time he felt Curt swallowing trying not to choke. He wasn't very successful. House grabbed Curt's head between his hands. He moved Curt's head back and forth as fast as he could. He was very close now so he slowed down and used Curt's head to make shallower movements.

Curt was feeling light headed. It must be from being so close to House, from feeling all that power. It was bound to have consequences. He tried to take House deep into his mouth again. House stopped him.

"No, not too deep. Mmmmfffff I want to make sure you taste me before you swallow my come. Then I'll be really deep inside you." Curt wanted that. He twitched his tongue against the head of House's cock.

House's breathing became labored. One hand let go of Curt's head and wrapped around his shaft. He pumped it hard while Curt kept his tip sucked firmly in his mouth. He tried, not too hard, to avoid hitting his fist against Curt's mouth.

"Yes yes yes yes oh yeah fuck fu ah ah AAAHHHHH!" House came in Curt's mouth. "Open," he managed. Curt opened his mouth. House could see his semen covering his tongue. He milked the tip of his cock and dribbled the last into Curt's mouth. "Every drop." Curt sucked the tip one more time stopping with a wet smacking sound. He opened his mouth for House again without being asked. "Did you get a good taste? Yeah? Go ahead and swallow your prize."

Curt swallowed and began breathing again. House collapsed against the back of the couch. Neither said anything for several long moments.

"Thank you," Curt said picking up one of House's hands and kissing it. He stood up and sat on the couch next to House. This had been more than he'd hoped for. He had made House orgasm and been given the gift of his seed! House was now part of him.

"You're a good boy." House knew if he didn't move he'd fall asleep. He wasn't comfortable doing that with Curt, now a verified psycho, in his house. He sat up and was startled by how intently Curt was looking at him.

"Did the waitress swallow your come?" Curt wasn't sure why he wanted to know, but he felt he needed to.

"No, I don't normally do that. You're special." There! He said it outright!

"Good." House had given him a piece of himself and he didn't do that willy nilly with every person he was with. Another victory!

"Are you okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?" House noted a different wild eyed look than Curt's usual.

"No! No, it was awesome – awe inspiring!" House chuckled. This guy was a nut. But he was a nut with an apparently open attitude towards what House could do to him. If he could put up with a chick with an annoying laugh and grating voice for a little backroom pussy, he could put up with a little crazy for good head and the possibility of something a little freakier. Unless the crazy had some plan involving Wilson. But if he could keep the looney interested maybe he'd tell him more. Or maybe he'd come over and let House do some really bad things to him. There was no room for moral bargaining on that front. In for a penny…

"Undo your pants." Curt looked like he didn't understand. "Come on. I thought you wanted to make me happy." Curt undid his pants. "Let me see you dick."

Curt was achingly hard. He didn't think he could touch it without coming. House encouraged him with his eyebrows. Curt freed his cock. It slapped against his lower abdomen. He tried to think about anything other than House. That became impossible when he felt fingertips ghosting along the shaft.

"That is impressive! Very nice!" House was thinking about a hundred different things he wanted to do with that cock. It made it easier to forget it belonged to the whack job.

"Greeegggg." Curt was moaning. It wasn't going to take much to get him off and he worried what House would think about that. When House rolled his balls in one hand and pumped his dick with the other he stopped worrying. He stopped thinking. He almost bit a hole in his lip.

"Come for me, Curt. Come." Curt exploded. He couldn't refuse House's commands. In all his House fantasies he never imagined House touching him like that. It was like he had proven himself to House and House was initiating him into his private world. He almost lost consciousness for the second time.

House waited twenty minutes before asking Curt to leave. He explained he was drained figuratively and literally. He needed to recharge. Alone. House was surprised when Curt said he understood completely. He dropped to his knee and took House's hand. He kissed it like he was kissing the Pope's ring.

"I hope I can worship you again sometime soon."

"If you enjoyed communion, wait until baptism." House didn't find Curt nearly as annoying as he had. That was typical of House after sex. He could overlook all kinds of quirks at least for a little while. His real worry was if Wilson would be able to overlook his quirks when he found out about this little tryst.


	11. Chapter 11 House Call

**Warning:** More smut. This is the reason I keep rewriting the rest of the story. The smut in this (and the next) chapter really doesn't fit and is way too lengthy. My inability to edit it out means you're stuck with it. Sorry. Let me know if it adversely affects your enjoyment of the tale!

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Chapter 11 – House Call

Wilson tried to find things to keep busy and by busy he meant not thinking about House. He was not going to think about House. He certainly wasn't going to touch himself thinking about him. Every time he thought he needed to find something to avoid thoughts of House he found himself thinking about House.

His latest attempt was Sudoku. That worked for about two numbers. Then he started thinking about how much House liked puzzles. And how much he liked House. And how House looked when he was trying to solve a puzzle. How he stared seemingly at nothing like he could see into a world nobody else could. How he'd absent mindedly rub a pencil against his lips then unconsciously suck on it. Oh, he needed to stop thinking like that!

There was a distinctive knock on the door. House. Wilson knew from experience if he ignored him he wouldn't go away. It didn't mean he wanted to answer the door. It meant he might as well open it and get it over.

"What do you want, House," Wilson asked opening the door. He wasn't even close to ready to see him. House pushed past him and headed straight to the kitchen.

"I'm out of beer." House rummaged through the fridge. There was beer, but nothing ready to eat that didn't include vegetables. "Are you feeling up to pizza or does your illness include tummy troubles?" House thought Wilson did look a little peaked. He assumed Wilson was lying. Maybe he really was sick.

"I'm really not up to visitors." Wilson really did feel sick now.

"Cool. If anybody stops by I'll tell them to get lost."

"House, visitors include you." Especially you.

"Since when? I don't think you think of yourself as a visitor at my place. You even have a key I gave you."

"I'm pretty sure you have a key."

"Yeah, but I had to pay Lucas to get it."

"And that's because you are a visitor in my home." House sat down on the edge of the couch and bounced his cane between his legs.

"Then you are my host and should show a little most hospitality." House looked at Wilson. He looked even sicker. "Sit down before you pass out. See? That's the type of thing a good host says." Without thinking Wilson sat down next to House, too close to him.

House put his hand on Wilson's forehead.

"No fever." He reminded himself Wilson didn't like being molested by him. The last thing he needed was for Wilson to buy into some story Curt was weaving for him. Then again, he had sex with Curt less than two years ago so if his story was along the lines of 'House wants me to suck his cock' he couldn't really argue.

"I'm just tired. I could use a good night's sleep." Wilson was sure that wasn't happening tonight

"I wanted to talk." House looked at the floor. Confessing before Curt had a chance to spin it seemed like the logical thing to do. What if Wilson was pissed off because House had broken Wilson's friendship line with his new friend? Why had Curt come into their lives? Things were so better before…and that was a lie. Wilson was ditching him all the time since he came back to PPTH. He couldn't blame Curt for all their problems. Then again, Curt practically had scapegoat tattooed across his forehead.

"You never feel like talking." Wilson thought this did not bode well.

"I thought you might want to talk about Curt or something." House thought if he initiated the idea of talking he shouldn't have to be the one to actually start it.

"What about Curt?" Wilson hated to admit he was curious what House was going to say. Was he going to complain about having Curt around? Had Curt earned his wrath by talking to him directly? Had Curt told him certain things he was told in confidence?

House decided to say it and deal with whatever Wilson had to throw at him.

"I had sex with him." House was looking down in contrition. He couldn't look at Wilson. If he did he would have seen Wilson on the verge of an aneurysm.

"Wha…" Wilson didn't know how to respond to that at all. His brain was melted. House, sex, Curt…Wilson decided to go with facts he could concentrate on to avoid the sex aspect. "When did that happen?" When sounded like a safe question.

"A few hours ago." So House was having sex with Curt tonight.

"What…" Wilson was trying to say 'What happened to movie night', but it caught in his throat as he suddenly contracted that fever House was looking for.

"He gave me a blow job. I gave him a hand job. Nothing serious or involved."

Wilson's brain solidified so it could melt again then dribble out of his skull.

"That wasn't, chhhm, wasn't what I was going to ask."

The silence dragged out until House had to fill it.

"Look, it just happened and it probably won't again." Wilson started to interrupt, but House continued. "If you say never again then 'probably' becomes 'definite'. I'm sorry, Wilson. You know how I, you know, get carried away and how I can't control myself."

"I've noticed." Wilson was trying to imagine how this happened. Sure, he and Curt had discussed how sexy House could be, but he warned Curt about trying to play House's game. "I warned him. I told him he shouldn't flirt with you. I should have made it clearer." At first House started to agree, but then he stopped.

"Do you warn everybody about me or only your friends," House asked indignantly.

"No! It wasn't like that." Wilson sighed. "I told him you don't always understand that innocent flirtation isn't an invitation for something less innocent. I warned him you could be, you know, aggressive. He said he knew how to handle men like you. I could tell he didn't understand, but I let it go." Now it was Wilson's turn to be unable to look at House.

"For your information, he came on to me."

"First, he came on to me! He likes flirting. Is he upset?"

"Upset? Why would he be upset? He wanted to give me head. I let him. That doesn't seem like something to be upset about!" House was getting upset. He wasn't as prepared to hear Wilson blame him as he thought he was. "You make it sound like I gave him roofies and raped him on my couch."

Wilson didn't need the image of House having sex on his couch in his head. Now he couldn't get the image out of his mind. What were they talking about?

"I don't mean it that way, House. I mean you don't always process when somebody is giving you non-verbal clues to back off. Curt's trying to impress you and it went too far." In Wilson's mind that sounded plausible.

"I didn't misread his intentions."

"He'll never admit it so I guess we'll never know."

"Really? He came up behind me and rubbed my neck like this." House grabbed Wilson's shoulders and made him turn to the side. He wasn't going to go along with him, but turning away from House seemed like a very good idea especially while he couldn't stop thinking about House having sex, naked and erect on his couch.

"So he gave you a neck rub. Why wouldn't you take that as 'screw me'?"

"Then he reached in front of me and unbuttoned my shirt. I'll have to reach under your ridiculous polo. Next he rubbed my chest. I told him to stop."

Wilson couldn't move. House was touching him and he didn't want him to stop. He needed him to stop. He wasn't gay. Of course, Curt had made a good argument that being attracted to House didn't require being gay, but still, he shouldn't think about his best friend like this.

"Then he kissed my neck." House's voice had gotten breathy. He kissed Wilson's neck. He smelled so good.

He promised Wilson he wouldn't get physical with him again. But he was trying to demonstrate a situation to Wilson. Wilson had stopped him before. If he went too far…House wondered if Wilson was right. Did he really not understand when people wanted him to stop?

**

"I would have done the next part differently." House kissed Wilson's ear. "He said he wanted to have sex with me. If I'd been him I would have taken my shirt off. I'd definitely take your shirt off if I were me."

House pulled Wilson's shirt up. Wilson lifted his arms. House wondered if Wilson was trying to teach him a lesson. Let him get all hot and bothered and then make him stop. He was getting that suspicion a lot lately. House was going to enjoy this while he could.

"I'd rub my hands all over your skin. Then I'd pull you back into me and hold you against me." House was hard again. Wilson was right. He was a deviant. He nuzzled Wilson's neck.

"House…" Wilson was trying to keep his cool, but he was sweating.

House slipped a hand onto Wilson's hip. He knew Wilson was going to finish his sentence 'House, stop it.' He massaged the hip waiting for him to say it.

"I'd slowly creep my hand over until it brushed against your dick." House was surprised to find Wilson's dick closer than he expected. He hadn't meant to actually touch it. He hadn't just touched Wilson's cock. He had touched his erect cock. Oh God, House thought a moment before his automatic seduction instinct went into overdrive.

"I love how you feel. I want to touch every inch of you." House's fingers danced over Wilson's crotch. House growled. "Can I take my shirt off? I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable."

"Yeah," Wilson managed to say. He should tell House to leave. He should. He couldn't.

House took off his shirt. He plastered himself to Wilson's back. He wanted to feel him skin on skin. He reached around to Wilson's cock.

"Can I pull down your sweat pants?" House kept his hands on Wilson to keep them from shaking. He felt Wilson swallow.

"Did, um, did Curt undress you?" Wilson didn't know what to say. If it was a woman he'd know. With House he was at a loss.

"No, he undid my jeans and pulled them down a little. Then I undressed myself." House kissed Wilson's neck again. "I didn't want him to see my scar. I don't trust him." Wilson put his hand on the one House had on his abdomen. "Keeping it hidden is a real skill." House kissed the other side of Wilson's neck. He closed his eyes and leaned into House.

"Did you talk dirty to him like you did Saturday?" House stilled his hands. He could feel Wilson trembling.

"No, he did most of the talking. He said he wanted to serve me and worship me. He's a nutjob." House experimented licking Wilson's neck. He moaned, but didn't tell him to stop. "Did you like hearing me talk dirty? Do you want me to talk dirty to you?"

"Yes." Wilson couldn't get out more than a syllable.

"I want to pull your pants down so I can fondle your dick. I want to feel how hard you are. Do you want that? Do you want me to touch your cock?" House was breathing heavy against Wilson's ear. "I think you do. I think you want me to rub your dick and play with your balls. Then again, maybe you're already so hard you want me to skip the foreplay and get to the sucking. You're such a tramp. You want me to suck your cock don't you? Are you looking forward to coming in my mouth? I'm looking forward to it. I want you to taste you."

House reached his hand into Wilson pants. Wilson's cock was hot, hard, and leaking. This so wasn't what he expected.

"God Wilson, going commando! I'm going to jerk off if you don't say I can blow you. I need more. Just say the word. Do you want me to suck your cock? Lick you then take you deep in my mouth. Say yes." House was grinding his cock against Wilson ass and lower back. He groaned from the friction.

"Yes," Wilson gasped. House smiled.

"Yes, what? Tell me what you want." House bit Wilson's shoulder.

"Arh! I want you to suck me, suck my cock, please House. Uhhh!" House didn't have to hear anymore. He sat back and turned Wilson to face him. Wilson kept his eyes closed. House grabbed the back of his neck and kissed him. He didn't want their first kiss to be needy and sloppy, but at least it was a first kiss.

He broke away and Wilson opened his eyes. Somehow kissing House was more intimate than being fondled by him. If House was a woman he'd say he was in love. He couldn't deal with that idea right now. He grabbed the back of House's neck and initiated the next kiss. It was perfect. He ran his hand up through House's hair on the back of his head up to the crown.

"Someone's getting pushy," House said lowering his head to lick a nipple. Wilson wanted to explain he didn't mean it that way, but he lost his language and motor skills.

House licked down Wilson's abdomen and gently moved him to lie back. House pulled the sweatpants over Wilson's erection. He moved in close, but didn't touch him.

"Any time you want me to stop I will. This is the last time I'm going to ask you. After that if you decide you want me to stop you'll have to initiate it. Like you said, I don't process non-verbal cues well." House paused to make sure he had Wilson's eye contact. "Do you want me to stop?"

Wilson knew he could end this now and things would be awkward, but they'd get past it. They'd both chalk it up to stress and loneliness then pretend nothing happened. If House did something beyond what he'd already done it would mean Wilson had done something. House sat up.

"I can read that non-verbal. I'm sorry." House balanced his elbows on his knees. He'd done it again. "You said it yourself. I can be aggressive. You're probably scared to death! I'm so sorry." He heard Wilson mumble something, but he couldn't make it out. "Sorry, what did you say?" House dared a look at Wilson. Wilson coughed.

"I said I didn't say stop." House didn't want to hope that meant what he thought it did. "I, uh, want you to do, I can't believe I'm saying this, I want you to do what he did to you." Wilson was embarrassed, but he also felt a weight lifted off his shoulders or off other parts of his anatomy.

"No." Wilson couldn't be hearing that right. It might sound egotistical, but Wilson had never thought House would refuse him. "Trust me. You wouldn't enjoy that. Everybody is unique, but that's really true with you." House resumed his position inches from Wilson's slightly softened erection. Wilson could feel House breathe. "You want something magical; something that's so amazing you won't care it came from a man." House moved his fingers softly down Wilson's chest and down Wilson's sides.

Wilson flinched a little. He was glad House didn't linger over his ticklish spots, but he was sure he was cataloging them. Oh God, Wilson almost said out loud. If House was cataloging, that meant he was planning on doing something later. What if House didn't think this was a one time thing? What if it wasn't? What if he was supposed to reciprocate? He didn't know if he could do it.

"Calm down, Wilson. Don't hyperventilate. I haven't even got to the good stuff yet." House kissed the crease where Wilson's thigh met his hip.

"I'm not sure if I …" Wilson abruptly ended his sentence with a moan as House licked the crease.

"If you're thinking that much then I'm not doing my job." House licked the crease back to Wilson's inner thigh. He wrapped his hands around Wilson's hips and drummed his fingers rhythmically. He stared at Wilson's face and without looking away lapped Wilson's scrotum. He held Wilson's hips down at the expected bucking movement.

Wilson's balls were already drawn up. Wilson couldn't look away from what House was doing. It was surreal and amazing. How could House look so calm? He looked like this was the most natural thing in the world to do. Maybe it was for House. Then House licked his way up Wilson's cock and he couldn't think at all.

House knew Wilson wasn't going to last long. He considered making this last longer, but he didn't want Wilson to panic. He made sure Wilson's cock was wet with his saliva then sat up until his mouth was poised above Wilson. He made sure Wilson was looking. House knew Wilson had been with a lot of women, but he doubted any of them could do this. He hadn't done this in a long time, but Wilson was worth the effort.

He opened his mouth wide. Like a sword swallower, he took Wilson into his mouth without his lips touching him. He went down until he had Wilson's cock completely encased. He stuck his tongue out, pushed Wilson's balls up and raked them against his tongue. Wilson bucked. House anticipated and moved with him. He pushed Wilson's balls inward. He closed his lips around the shaft and sucked. His throat muscles contracted.

Wilson groaned. Was House part boa constrictor swallowing his prey? He didn't mind being the prey

House sucked him hard and slowly pulled his head up. If he was right, and when it came to this he was right the first time more often than he was in medicine, Wilson would come about two inches below his head. House pushed his tongue against the underside of Wilson's cock as he slowly pulled.

Wilson wanted to shout and scream House's name, but he felt like he was choking. Every atom in his body was choking. When House moaned the vibration was the last thing he could take. He came hard in House's mouth. His entire body shuddered. He had aftershocks for what felt like five minutes. It was overwhelming! He felt like crying.

House was right. Wilson came exactly as he calculated. He tasted like slightly bitter, salty peanut oil. He could have spread it on bread and ate it like a sandwich. House was never so happy.

Wilson had collapsed on the couch. It would have been uncomfortable if he could feel his limbs or had any working muscles left in his body. House looked at him for a while. He was glad Wilson had his eyes closed so he couldn't see the dopey look on his face. House had wanted him for so long he couldn't believe Wilson had let him do it.

House was never good at pillow talk. He knew how to land a fish, fillet it, and cook it, but he didn't know how to clean up the mess. With Wilson he was at even more of a loss. He wanted to beg him to let him do it again sometime preferably sometime soon. He guessed he'd be better off telling Wilson enjoying this was nothing to worry about and promise him he wouldn't tell anyone or expect it again. Whatever he said, he was sure he'd screw everything up as usual.

He decided Wilson probably didn't want him to say anything. Maybe it would be better if he wasn't there. Maybe that's why Wilson still had his eyes closed. He also decided Wilson wouldn't appreciate him jacking off in his bathroom so he put on his shirt and went to the kitchen for that beer he'd seen earlier. When he got home he was going to flog the bishop until he found religion.

Wilson groaned and managed to throw a hand over his eyes. Holy fuck, what had House done to him? How could someone still be so graceful even when giving head? Wilson never understood how House could be such a contradiction of hard and soft, sinewy yet delicate. Sex hadn't changed that. If anything, sex had added even more contradictions. House seemed so sure and in control, but Wilson knew he was insecure about everything except medicine. Maybe it should be sex and medicine. Even after all these years it was hard to tell where House's bravado, ego, and reality began and ended. And maybe that was going to change now. Maybe House would be more open with him. He didn't want to fix House, but he wanted to help him. If House would tell him what he could do or what he needed, he'd do it.

Wilson needed to talk post-orgasm. He always had. He really needed to talk to House even though he felt completely drained of life. He was proud of always being a thoughtful lover and here he was failing his first homosexual experience. No, not homosexual – Houseosexual. He made himself chuckle thinking that and he thought House would find it funny, too.

Wilson opened his eyes and didn't see House. He sat up and didn't see House. He pulled his sweat pants up, stood up, and still didn't see House. He had really screwed this up. Wilson wasn't failing. He'd failed. He was mentally berating himself when he heard a noise in the kitchen. House had gone for a snack?

"House?" Wilson walked in on House casually leaning against the counter munching on a sandwich.

"This bread looks like crap, but it's not bad. Did you really pay seven dollars for it? That's pita kinda money!"

"I, uh, didn't hear you come in here." Wilson marveled at how nonchalant House could be.

"I was thirsty. And I'm starving. It's too late to order pizza." Wilson was giving him a strange look. "What's wrong?" House's appetite waned. "You know I didn't come here to seduce you, right? You didn't say stop." Wilson's look became stranger. "I didn't mean to take advantage of you. You need to say something, Wilson. Yell, scream – something."

Wilson crossed the kitchen to House in three strides. He moved so quickly House thought he was going to hit him. He probably deserved it.

Wilson grabbed House's face and kissed him, at first hungrily, but then slower.

House dropped his sandwich and wrapped his arms around Wilson instead. They kissed for a few moments before Wilson pulled back to look at House. House moved in closer and kissed Wilson's cheeks, eyelids, forehead, chin – everywhere he could. He had to fight to keep from telling Wilson he loved him. He kissed his lips gently instead. He rubbed his thumb below Wilson's lips.

"I'd better stop that or you will have some nasty beard burn. You've got girlishly soft skin."

"Did you give Curt 'beard burn'?" Wilson threw up a hand and quickly added, "Not that I'm jealous, just curious." Truthfully, he was jealous of Curt spending time with House without him, but he wasn't sure if he was jealous about how they spent that time. At least he wasn't jealous of how they spent their time in a nonsexual way. He realized he was very jealous of how they spent their time in a sexual way. That must mean he was jealous of Curt.

"Uh…Actually, I don't remember kissing him." House tried to remember. "He kissed my neck, my pants, my dick, my hand – twice, but I never kissed him." House laughed. "Fucking Curt's mouth was fine, but kissing him would have been creepy. He's creepy."

"You performed sexual acts with somebody you think is creepy?" Wilson didn't like the sound of that.

"He only seems creepy sometimes. He looks at me weird."

"I think he has a crush. Well, you know that now." Wilson couldn't stop looking at House and he hoped it didn't seem creepy or weird. "So what happened after Curt…you know…" Wilson wanted to say 'sucked you off', but it didn't sound right in his head. House thought his hesitance was adorable.

"Let's see. I fucked Curt's face." House like the way Wilson nose crinkled when he said it like that. "He's a pretty good cocksucker by the way. Not that I'd like you to compare, but I'm better." Wilson blushed bright enough to have his cheeks double as a neon sign. "Unless that shade of red means you already know that."

Wilson shook his head frantically. House found it endearing.

"Then he said I was awesome and kissed my hand. Then, and don't judge me, I decided to give the nut job a hand job – kind of whack off the whack-o."

"And I would judge you more for doing that then anything else you've done tonight because…," Wilson trailed off.

"I was rationalizing I did it to make him more comfortable to give me information about why he's so intent on being your friend and how having sex with me played into that. And I was doing the whole 'reciprocity' thing, but it was mainly because I wanted to improve my chances of him coming back for more."

Wilson was having a hard time processing House's convoluted logic. His conspiracy theory was the rationalization to return the favor, but it was only so he could get more favors?

"See? You're judging. I'm a single guy with needs. Curt has some skills. The crazy ones always do. If I decide to pursue it I bet he'll let me do all kinds of things to him – bondage, spanking. He'd probably let me fuck his pretty ass in your office."

Wilson had no idea what to do with that information. He knew from what House did to him he wanted him to do it again. And again. Was House going to want to? Oh God, Wilson thought as his previous thought returned. Would House not want to do it again because Wilson hadn't done 'the whole reciprocity thing'? He wanted to say too many things at once. He took a cleansing breath to help him focus. House thought it was cute.

"When you got here you said if I didn't want you to you wouldn't have sex with Curt again."

"Yes, I did." House wasn't sure what Wilson's intentions were at all. He wished he could read his mind.

"Good. I don't want you to have sex with him again and I mean no sexual contact." House could tell Wilson wasn't kidding around about this.

"Okay, I won't. I'm perfectly content at never being alone with him again. I'm not saying you aren't allowed, but I'd appreciate it if you didn't have sex with him either. And none of that Bill Clinton bullshit about oral not counting as sex."

"Not a problem since I'm not gay." Wilson didn't mean it to sound bitchy, but he knew it did.

Here we go, House thought. He's going to feel guilty about getting a blow job from a dude then he'll want to prove he's still hetero and go through a shift of nurses. And, worst of all, every time he sees me he's going to think of the 'sick' thing I did to him. Instead of never mentioning it again he'll mention it non verbally all the time to remind me it was an aberration and not his M.O.

"Got it. No touching your little buddy's little buddy and you aren't gay." House picked up his beer bottle and finished it in one large gulp. "And on that note, I'm going to head out. Thanks for letting me, well, thanks. I'll see you tomorrow." Now I'm going home to jerk off then slam my dick in a door, he mentally added.

"Wait, what? I thought we were in the middle of something here." Wilson wasn't sure what that something was, but he didn't want House to leave.

"I don't think it's a good idea." Wilson looked away from House and pouted. Under other circumstances House would have thought it was sexy. "Okay, here's what you need to remember. Getting aroused doesn't mean being attracted. It's a physical response to stimulation. I took advantage of you. You're not gay. You're another victim of evil Greg House."

"I never said that! I didn't even think that! I came in here to tell you, and it doesn't sound as funny now, that I'm not a homosexual. I'm a House-o-sexual. Curt and I talked about this Saturday night. I'm not attracted to men, but I am attracted to you.

"I also wanted to tell you to 1. Never have sex with Curt again. 2. Stop thinking people have an ulterior motive for trying to get in your pants. Their only motive is to get in your pants. 3. Mark me down as one of the people who wants to get in your pants. I want to do this again. I want to kiss you until my skin is sandpapered off my face."

House smiled at that one. He put his arms around Wilson again and kissed Wilson's neck. He ran his hands all over Wilson's bare back. He pulled Wilson tightly to him, held him in his arms, and petted his hair.

"I will gladly perform fellatio on you anytime you want. I have all kinds of tricks you'll enjoy." He kissed Wilson's cheek then stepped away. "If you've got a short rebound time, I could start now." Wilson couldn't stop grinning at House's leer.

"I almost died so I think I'll need a little more time. If you spent the night, we could have plenty of time." Wilson realized he was talking to House like one of his girlfriends. He supposed House was in a way or at least in the same category.

"I could do that. We could go to your bedroom. Lying down between your legs would be more comfortable for me. Getting on my knees isn't as easy as it used to be, but I'll do it that way if you want. I'll do it any way you want."

"That sounds great," Wilson said reaching for House's hand. He led him to the bedroom.


	12. Chapter 12 Blueberry Cheesecake Wilson

Chapter 12 – Blueberry Cheesecake Wilson Flavor

House had been in Wilson's bedroom before, but the circumstances made it seem different. House still had a semi and he knew lying down next to Wilson would make him hard again. He didn't want to scare Wilson. House wished he wasn't such a horn dog.

The kissing wasn't helping. Traveling the short distance from the kitchen to the bedroom had taken longer than a leisurely walk around the track. They'd kiss, take a step or two, lean against the wall and kiss some more. House could never get enough kissing and kissing Wilson…well, it went without saying how much he enjoyed that.

Wilson sat down on the end of the bed and took off his shoes and socks. He couldn't help noticing House wasn't.

"I'd prefer if you don't wear your shoes in my bed." House sat down and undid his shoe laces. Between his leg being sore and his erection growing in his jeans bending over wasn't easy. Wilson noticed the slow movements, too. "Do you want me to take them off for you? Your leg has to be killing you." House shook his head and pushed off both shoes.

"I don't want to gross you out, especially since this is really different for you, but before I handle you, I need to handle myself." House could tell Wilson wasn't getting his meaning. "I'm going to go into your bathroom and masturbate. It might take a few minutes." He looked at Wilson's big, brown eyes. "Or it might take a few seconds if I imagine your beautiful body against mine." House could have spent all night looking at Wilson, but his eyes weren't the ones aching at the moment. He stood up.

Wilson wasn't expecting that. He was stuck on the image of House lying between his legs, spreading them a little wider, and getting first hand knowledge of all the crazy things House could do with his mouth.

"Wait, House, I forgot number 4. You need to explain to me how this reciprocity thing works. I've never, well you know, I mean, I don't know how…" Wilson was struggling for words. House let him because he thought it was sweet. "…I want…" Wilson sighed in resignation. He didn't know how to say this. "I want to make you feel as good as you made me feel. Don't laugh at me! Until a little bit ago I'd never had another man's tongue in my mouth. Having your…your cock in my mouth…" He couldn't believe he said it! "…I'll try to do my best. Just don't laugh at me. As much as I want you I'm not comfortable with the jargon and stuff." Please let House understand what he meant.

"It's okay, Wilson. I don't expect you to 'reciprocate'. I didn't mention it to imply you should. I'm not expecting you to do anything to me. It's fine if you're never comfortable at doing things to me or never get used to the idea. I'm happy getting to kiss you…" House kissed Wilson's jaw. "…touch you…" He ran his hand down Wilson's stomach before brushing his fingers across his crotch. "…suck you…" House knew it would hurt, but he got down on his knees and pulled Wilson's sweatpants down and off. He sucked one of Wilson's balls into his mouth.

"Hooouuuuse…" Wilson was never going to get used to how good House's mouth felt. With a strength he didn't think he had, he scooted up on the bed away from that delicious mouth.

House was now so hard he wasn't sure he could ignore it. He thought about the logistics. If he laid down the right way he could grind his pelvis into the bed. His jeans rubbing against him and the pressure from the bed might be enough to satisfy him. If Wilson was too blissed out to notice, he'd slip his hand down and give himself a few good strokes.

House stood upright. It didn't hurt as much as he thought it would, but his remaining thigh muscle was tight. He took his shirt off and followed after Wilson on the bed.

"Is that look because I took my shirt off or because I'm on your bed? I can put my shirt back on, but if you want round 2 you need to give me a little leeway on the how. My limited range of motion means a limited range of positions."

"I was thinking you should take off the rest of your clothes. I'd like to see you naked." Wilson bit his bottom lip and raised his eye brows. He wanted to lighten the mood. He also really wanted to see House naked.

"You've seen me naked. It's not anything to write home about."

"Yeah, I've seen you naked. I like your body. I don't normally write home about anybody's body. Mama Wilson has a weak heart and reading about your erect penis would probably put her in the grave. Come on, I've never seen you naked and aroused." Wilson propped himself up on some pillows and put his hands behind his head.

"If it's up to me, and you want to proceed with round 2, start by taking off your jeans and any other clothing that might be an impediment." Wilson was feeling a little more comfortable with the situation. House being uncomfortable seemed to make him feel more in control.

House undid his jeans then turned his right side away from Wilson. He sat on the corner of the bed to pull them off. He pulled his boxers off pulling his left leg out, but, as he had earlier that evening, he kept his right leg in and pulled the boxers up again. He took off his socks with exaggerated care. He stood up and posed his left side towards Wilson making a game show model gesture at his erection.

"Ta da!" House knew he didn't have anything to be ashamed of with his cock. He'd love to have a lover with a cock like that. It was the perfect size – not big enough to be frightening, but large enough to be satisfying. He'd never gotten any complaints about how it looked or how it felt or how he used it. For the first time in his adult life he was nervous about someone's reaction to it.

Wilson stared. If House didn't know better he'd think Wilson was sad.

"See, this part isn't that difficult. You say something like women say to you only you mean it like 'Wow! You're so big!' or 'That's one beautiful cock'." Wilson looked House in the face. "Don't worry you don't have to touch it or anything. I'm going to take your response as the reaction of a man with no experience with other men. Trust me – this is very nice."

Wilson couldn't believe House would do this to him. He wasn't some chick in a store room or Curt. He was Wilson! Didn't that mean something?

"Don't you trust me? I understand not trusting Curt. You don't really know him, but me? I'm your best friend and I've seen your scar a gazillion times." House sat back down.

"Yes, I trust you, but you've never seen me in a sexual way. You said yourself you've never seen me at my full glory. My leg detracts from the important stuff." House stood up and dropped his boxers to the floor. He turned to face Wilson. "What do you think of my leg? Isn't what's left of it sexy? Doesn't this scar turn you on?"

"It shows off how perfect the rest of you is." That's why House loved Wilson. He grabbed Wilson's face and kissed him hard and deep. He began his descent down Wilson's body.

"You're going to love this." House wasn't bragging. He was stating what he knew was a fact.

"I already love this." Wilson put his hands on House's upper arms. He'd wanted to touch his biceps for years. His voice caught in his throat when House's tongue connected with his navel. It was a lot to process and that feeling was making it harder.

House moved back up to Wilson's chest. He laved his tongue against Wilson's right nipple. House could feel Wilson's racing heart and rapid breaths. Wilson passing out didn't work with his plans.

"Calm down, Wilson." House put an arm around Wilson's shoulders and a hand on his chin. He tilted his head and kissed him. Nope, still not tired of kissing Wilson. He moved to Wilson's ear.

"Close your eyes and pretend I'm one of your wives," he whispered. He returned to sucking on Wilson's ear lobe.

"House," Wilson moaned weakly trying to pull out of his grasp.

"Or pretend I'm one of your girlfriends or some tail you picked up in a bar." House licked the shell of Wilson's ear. It was the most obscene thing he'd ever felt. House chuckled at his reaction. "Or pretend I'm a hooker I hired for you. God, that would be hot!"

House kissed Wilson's neck behind his ear. He let go of Wilson's chin and reached down between his own legs. He fondled his balls. He slipped his hand up his shaft while his mouth made it to Wilson's clavicle. It was taking every ounce of House's self control to not stroke himself hard and fast. He tried not to imagine coming all over Wilson's hip. Purposely not thinking about something is the easiest way to imagine it. He pulled his mouth away from Wilson to bite his lip.

"House, don't. Stop."

"Is that 'Don't stop' or 'Don't do that stop'?" House let go of his cock and reached for Wilson's. Wilson sat up.

"I mean stop, timeout." Wilson pushed House's hand away from his groin. He didn't want to do it. He wanted to beg House to do anything he wanted to him. He also wanted to avoid making the same mistake.

House always looked for the bottom to drop out. This was especially true when it came to anything involving Wilson. It was his method of crepehanging. If he expected the worst, he'd always be pleasantly surprised when it didn't happen.

"Okay, close your eyes and pretend I'm that bimbo at the info desk. It works better with your eyes closed."

Wilson struggled to explain to House that wasn't the problem, but he couldn't speak when House gently used his fingertips to close Wilson's eyes. He couldn't think, couldn't breathe. He knew he had to do both, but House made it so difficult to do anything, but feel. He struggled to the surface from the depths of those feelings.

"I'm not imagining Katie." Wilson took House's hand off his face and put it on his chest.

"If it would make it easier I'll shave." House almost hoped Wilson would say yes so he could use the break to jerk off. He wasn't looking forward to the shaving part.

"No! Why would I want to imagine anyone when I have you here and now?" He needed to help House work on his self esteem. This was ridiculous. "Why is that so hard for you to accept?"

"Because you have never been with a man. Because you have previously made it very clear my advances were not wanted or shared. Because watching me touch myself while touching you made you ask me to stop. I understand this is new and weird to you. Why don't you tell me what you want me to do?" Graphically, House silently added.

"It might take me a while to get used to everything, but I want to do this right." House laughed.

"There's no 'right'. There are some wrongs, but you'll probably figure those out."

"I want to uhm, you know, make it good for you." Wilson added 'learn how to talk about sex to House' to his to do list.

House wanted to pull Wilson close to him. Of course, he wasn't sure how Wilson would feel about feeling House's erection. Baby steps, he thought. If he really wants this I can show him the way.

"Alright, can I touch your hip with my cock?" Wilson laughed. "Not the reaction I was looking for, but okay."

"I think I can handle that."

House smiled. Wilson was such a sport!

"Lie back down. Please." Wilson smiled. House saying 'please' was an aphrodisiac even if they weren't naked. Oh God, he thought. I'm naked with House!

House gently, ridiculously so Wilson thought, touched the head of his cock against Wilson's hip. When Wilson chuckled instead of freaking, House rubbed the head against him in little circles.

Wilson admitted it felt a little strange, but that was mainly the idea of what House was doing. It didn't even seem particularly sexual.

"Are you complaining? Do you want me to do something a little more active?" Wilson loved the way House leered. House pressed his shaft flat against Wilson's outer thigh. That seemed more like what Wilson was expecting, but still seemed lacking in House's previous passion.

"No complaints, but active sounds good." Wilson touched House's hip. He wanted to touch his dick, but it still seemed like a foreign idea. Before he could psych himself into doing it, House sat up.

"Do you have any lube? Yeah, that's a dumb question. Where do you keep it?" Wilson pointed to the nightstand even though he was a little panicked as to why House wanted it.

House read the bottle and laughed. That made Wilson feel more at ease.

"Blueberry Cheesecake flavored sugar free, hemp lube. I've been around the block enough times to know every crack in the sidewalk, but this is something new! It's got to be Amber's."

"Actually," Wilson said sitting up on his elbows, "Amber liked the Pina Colada flavor."

"I've got to try this." House pumped some into his hand. He licked at it making Wilson moan. He looked at him inquisitively.

"You have got to know what that does when you lick at things." House innocently shook his head. "Seriously? What about when you deep throat straws and suck on lollipops?" House shook his head again.

"I'd think you'd be okay with me licking things." Wilson laughed.

"Oh my God! I was right! You really don't realize you're doing it! House, you turn every meal, every snack into some erotic foreplay. I've watched you wrap your tongue around a pen. Don't you have any idea how that looks? You fellating a carrot is the healthiest and dirtiest thing I've ever seen."

"I've been told I have an oral fixation, but I didn't realize it did anything for you. Sounds like it might have done something to you for a while now." House got back on the bed.

"It makes me want to do things respectable straight doctors shouldn't want to do to their best friends." They kissed. House used the distraction to pump more of the dessert lube into his hand. He rubbed his lubed hand between Wilson's thighs and against his balls. Wilson fell back on his back.

"Oh God, House!" House snickered.

"You seem to say that a lot." He kissed the side of Wilson's mouth.

"Get used to it." House coated Wilson's scrotum and moved on to the other inner thigh. Wilson was a little apprehensive when House returned to his balls and moved back to his perineum.

"Relax. I'm pretty sure I'm not the first person to touch you there."

"Is this going to hurt?" House chuckled.

"I knew sex with you would be entertaining. I had no idea it would be so amusing! No, it won't hurt. If it does, scream really loud." House licked his hand. "This really does taste a little like blueberry cheesecake! I love chemicals!" He pumped more lube.

"If you eat all that you'll get a tummy ache." Wilson remembered his own bad experience with the cappuccino flavor.

"I was thinking more about eating some during the clean up." He slapped his hand loudly and wetly around his cock. He shuddered. "This is definitely not going to take very long."

Wilson was mesmerized by House's hand. He never thought watching a man stroke himself could be so alluring. He suddenly didn't care if whatever House was going to do was going to hurt. He only cared about House doing it now.

House wasn't sure what was going through Wilson's mind, but he knew what was going through his cock. Wilson's body clearly had a firmer grip on the situation. It wasn't easy and more than a little painful, but he straddled Wilson's legs. He parted Wilson's legs a little.

"You don't need to move at all. In fact, keep your legs just like this." House lowered himself over Wilson and pressed his cock between Wilson's thighs. He pushed down and up rubbing against Wilson's thighs and scrotum until he rubbed against his perineum. He rested for moment, ensuring he had his balance, then wrapped his hand around Wilson's dick. He rubbed it against his stomach. Wilson moaned and gasped. House couldn't take that sound and the inaction any longer. He started thrusting up and down between Wilson's legs.

Wilson had no idea what House was doing, but he was going to brain him if he stopped. He couldn't keep still and thrust his pelvis up. It forced his legs closer together.

"Oh God, Wilson!" Wilson assumed that meant he was doing something right. He leaned up and pulled House down for another kiss. The additional weight against his cock was almost more than he could bear.

"House, oh oh House!"

House loved hearing his name. He was panting now and he could feel the familiar electricity building. He groaned. His movements became more frantic. He growled. Sweat broke out behind his knees. That was always a good sign of a strong orgasm, he thought as he felt his muscles contracting.

"Wilson, Wilson, baby, oh yeah, 'm there baby, yeah, coming coming coming ca ca ca aaarrrrggh!!"

Wilson was enraptured by House's look of rapture. It was even hotter than his epiphany bliss face. He couldn't believe he'd done that to House. Admittedly he hadn't done much, but it didn't change the result. It also didn't stop House from stroking him. His grip had tightened, but somehow the man was still going. Wilson didn't think he'd have the same multi-tasking skill.

The look, the thought, the movement was too much. Wilson tried to keep his eyes open, but they scrunched close. He whispered a litany of things he would have been embarrassed to realize he was saying before huffing out a final "House" and coming into House's hand and against their stomachs.

As soon as House was sure he'd tugged every drop from Wilson he collapsed on top of him supporting most of his weight with his arms. He nuzzled Wilson's neck while he caught his breath. After another moment he rolled to the side. He laced the fingers of his left between Wilson's.

"We should have done that years ago," Wilson said still trying to catch his breath.

"I told you that years ago." House rolled onto his side to kiss Wilson. He didn't waste any time licking his way down to Wilson's stomach. He licked up the come before starting on Wilson's softening cock.

"And I thought you tasted good the first time!" House made obscene slurping sounds along Wilson's length. Wilson grabbed House's head and pushed him down.

"That tickles. Do it right."

"Someone's getting demanding." House smiled while he lapped Wilson some more then kissed his way back up to Wilson's chest. He allowed himself a contented sigh. He wasn't going to be ignored or pushed aside again. Wilson was finally his.

Curt wondered what was taking House so long. He'd gone into Wilson's condo hours ago. Reluctantly, he started the car and went home. He'd begin his House watch again tomorrow.


	13. Chapter 13 He's as Corny as Kansas

Chapter 13 – He's as Corny as Kansas in August

"Is House," Foreman paused, "singing?"

"He's been doing that all morning," 13 answered.

"At least he isn't doing Man of La Mancha anymore," Taub said flipping through a lab report.

"He sings when he's happy. I think it's nice." They all stared at Kutner.

"'And you will note there's a lump in my throat' Any change," House sang breezing into the room.

"Ah…no, patient's still dying," Foreman said distinctly unamused.

"Swell, let me know when we have something new. 'I'm as trite and as gay as a daisy in May…" House sang returning to his office.

"It's weird seeing him happy," 13 said, her eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"I think that's his 'I got laid without having to pay' voice. It won't last."

"It'll last," House said opening the glass door wraggling his eyebrows. "'I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love with a wonderful guy!'" He smiled, nodded, and started to retreat to his office. He poked his head back into the conference room.

"Has anybody seen my coffee mug? No? Okay, get back to the patient. I hear he's dying!" House returned to his office.

His fellows briefly looked at each other before returning to the case.

House couldn't remember ever being so happy without the use of narcotics. Since he left Wilson's house that morning he'd been practically dancing. This was exactly what he'd always wanted. Wilson was all his in every way. He couldn't wait to see him again. And, he realized with great joy, he didn't have to. It was time for mid morning coffee break.

Unfortunately there was no sign of Wilson. House settled for leaving Wilson a note. He fought the urge to sign it with a heart and fought even harder to leave off X's and O's. He finally let it go with a simple message for Wilson to find him when he got the note. He'd demonstrate some X's and O's when he saw him.

* * *

Wilson was hiding. He'd actually become pretty good at hiding from House over the last few months. He felt bad about that. The guilt of hiding was preferable to his panic at seeing House face to face. What had he done?? He wasn't gay.

Sure he was attracted to House, but that wasn't who he was. Then again, it felt so good to be with him. But, Wilson reasoned, if he hadn't been so lonely since Amber died maybe it wouldn't have been so nice.

On the other hand, he had to admit he had been attracted to House before. But, he further insisted to himself, he'd never acted on it. If House hadn't shown up and touched him…and he couldn't put the blame, at least not all of it, on House. He knew how House was.

If anything he felt guilty for knowing it was his role to stop House and not doing it. It was just another example of how he let House down lately. And House had seemed so lonely it hurt his heart to look at him. There he was sleeping with any random person who stumbled by to try to fill some bottomless void. Wilson wanted to cry thinking he, in a self absorbed way, had taken advantage of House.

Then he thought about how House kissed him before leaving this morning. Did he kiss all his lovers that way? (Oh God! Lover!) No, he couldn't see that. House looked at him like he was the most precious thing in the world. But hadn't House just seduced Curt? That kind of bed hopping wasn't the sign of a well person, was it? Maybe Curt would have some insight on this.

Wilson pulled his hand down and across his face. He was working himself up to a panic attack. He pulled out his phone and sent Curt a text message. At least he had somebody to talk to about this. He exhaled deeply thinking this would all be worked out soon.

Curt tried to read his text from Wilson, but it was quickly followed by two more. After a minute without a new message he opened his phone to read them. They didn't make a lot of sense. James needed to talk to him, that much was clear, and it had something to do with House. Had House told Wilson about their relationship? He imagined House telling Wilson he wouldn't be needed any more. That would certainly pique that conceited fool.

Curt knocked on Wilson's door. No answer. He wandered over to House's office. House was at the white board and his team looked frazzled. What was that green stain all over the front of Thirteen's clothes? He really didn't want to know. Based on the look on Taub's face it was disgusting even by their standards. Curt walked back to Wilson's office and let himself in.

No James. Curt sat at his desk and rolled the chair around. He wondered if Wilson's office would be vacating the office now that he was superfluous to House. He'd have to text him back and find out where to meet. Maybe House was keeping Wilson from getting close to him. He laughed at the idea of House aiming his repeller beam at Wilson.

He turned to face the desk and that was when he saw it.

"Did I mention you were amazing last night? I can't wait to see you. I need to see you. Soon. H________"

Curt was stunned. How did House know he'd be here? Well, that was just silly. House knows all. He raked the edge of the paper against his unshaven chin. He kissed the note and put it in his pocket.

It took several texts, but he finally understood where Wilson was. He wondered if Wilson would ask him to leave so he could have House to himself again. Like that was ever going to happen! House's secrets and his power were practically his. Leave it to that self deluded idiot to not see it.

"Hi James. You wanted to talk?" Curt smiled. He was hoping Wilson would beg. He hoped he could hear the loss in his voice.

"Curt! Am I glad to see you!" Curt wasn't expecting that. "I really need to talk to someone about last night."

"What about last night," Curt asked cagily.

"Okay, first, um, hooboy," Wilson took a deep breath. "House came over to my place last night after you and he…" Wilson stopped. He was hit with a sudden wave of jealousy. This man had been with House. Maybe talking to him wasn't a good idea.

"So he told you…" Curt was relieved to find James knew about him and House. No wonder House was at Wilson's so long. He had to uninstall before upgrading to Confidant 2.0.

"Yeah, in detail." Even with Curt being easy to talk to Wilson was having a hard time. Saying things out loud gave them a certain reality he wasn't entirely prepared for. In a way it was good he'd experienced House so he had a frame of reference. In another way Wilson wasn't prepared for his raw emotions to turn to possessiveness.

"Good. I was hoping he would. I wasn't sure how you'd handle it."

"House didn't want me to hear it from you. No offense, he just wanted me to hear his version."

"I'm sure it isn't very different from my version. He was amazing," Curt said drawing out the syllables and leering. He hoped Wilson regretted missing his opportunity.

"Yeah, he was amazing." Wilson made eye contact and tried to will Curt to understand him.

Curt realized he had absorbed some of House's power as he suddenly knew Wilson hadn't missed his opportunity after all. He could almost see it. He felt rage bubbling through his veins.

"You and Greg?" Curt couldn't understand why House would do this to him. If he'd really wanted to he could have willed Wilson into his bed at any time. Why now?

"It, I don't know. It happened. He was telling me what happened with you and then he was demonstrating and then I was letting him. No, I wasn't just letting him. I was encouraging him." Wilson's face showed all the stress of the last few days. "You know what I mean. Thank God I have you to talk to. I don't know what to do."

Curt no longer found Wilson annoying. He hated him. Was House trying to test him? Oh, Curt thought. That must be it. House wants to see how I will react to this. Curt decided House wouldn't want him to kill Wilson at least not until he had all the facts.

"What if House is serious about us? What if he isn't? What if people find out? See? I'm completely losing it!"

Curt sat down next to Wilson. Now he got it. He knew what House wanted him to do. After years of service House had given Wilson a parting gift. Wilson just didn't get it.

"Well, James, I think I can put you at ease. I'm pretty sure House didn't mean it as a prelude to a serious relationship."

"You don't know that!" Wilson was suddenly defensive.

"And what would you do if he did want some kind of serious romantic relationship with you? You don't." Curt fought the urge to punch him.

"I don't know. Maybe I do! Oh god! I can't believe I'm saying this!" Wilson leaned his forehead on Curt's shoulder. "I don't know what I'm saying. What am I going to do?"

"You're not going to do anything. House has feelings for someone, but it isn't you." Wilson sat up. He was sure if House had feelings they were only for him.

Curt pulled out the note.

"He left me this note this morning." Wilson read the note.

:"But he said he wasn't going to see you any more." Wilson was even more confused.

"If I had to guess, I'd say he went to tell you about us and when he realized you would let him fulfill his fantasy he took advantage of that." Wilson shook his head.

"No, it wasn't like that. He wasn't taking advantage. He was almost sweet." Curt laughed.

"He tastes good, but I wouldn't say sweet." Wilson made a face. "I think he tastes very male." Curt enjoyed the look of disgust on Wilson's face.

"You mean his, um…" Wilson struggled. Curt loved it.

"His come. Didn't you like how he felt in your mouth?" Curt bit his lip and sighed.

"I, uh, didn't do that. I kissed him. I could taste the beer he'd been drinking."

"Oh, he'd been drinking."

"Well, yeah," Wilson said thinking about it. "I don't think he was drunk. I was a little buzzed at first. I don't think that's why we did … things."

Things? Curt could have crowed. House had just been playing with him and this dumb guy had taken it seriously. It was laughable.

"I can't wait to do 'things' with him tonight."

Tonight? Wilson didn't like the sound of that. That jealousy he felt before crept in again.

"I'm sorry, but note or no note, he did say he wasn't going to see you again."

"Look, James, I don't know what Greg told you, but I think I can tell you why. You were his straight man fantasy. He finally got to act out some of that fantasy and if he had to say he wasn't going to be with other men to get it then that's what he had to say. The problem with being a fantasy is you can never live up to his imagination. I think you know what an imaginative fellow he can be.

"The other problem is you aren't gay. You've told me and him that enough times. There are things you aren't able to do for him because you aren't comfortable with it. When you wrapped your hand around his cock did you think 'I can't believe I'm touching a man' or did you think 'I can't believe how perfect he feels'?" Curt could read the doubts play on Wilson's face.

"I didn't actually touch him, you know, like that." Curt laughed. Wilson didn't appreciate it.

"Well that's my point right there. He's used to being with men who know how to please him. You're afraid to touch him. Tonight he'll be fucking me and we'll both be satisfied. He'll be fully sated." Curt let that sink in.

"Now the real question isn't whether the two of you will be lovers. It's whether you two are still friends. I'm guessing it doesn't matter to him," Curt said matter- of-factly.

Wilson was shocked. Of course he and House were still friends…or had he screwed that up? Maybe after not being as good a friend to him as he should have been last night was House's way of putting an end to it all. House was known for going out in a blaze of glory. Wilson felt his throat closing.

"You don't understand, Curt. House needs me. I'm his only friend." Wilson tried to remind himself of that while explaining it to Curt.

"I'm his friend. He can have lots of friends if he wants them. You should be happy. He isn't your burden anymore. This is your chance to get that space you always said you wanted. I'll take good care of him."

"What!" Wilson couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Greg is an amazing man and I'll always be there for him. You don't need to feel obligated. I'm honored to serve him in any and every way. You're free! Isn't that what you wanted?"

Wilson felt ill. Was that how people viewed him? Is that what House thought? He didn't think of House like that. Then again he'd said things that certainly made it seem that way. He needed to talk to House. Unless House was going to tell him something he didn't want to hear. And that brought Wilson back to square one. He didn't know what it was he did want to hear.

"You know House thinks you're creepy." Wilson did know he wasn't as big a fan of Curt as he had been an hour ago. He could see exactly what House had been talking about. Curt had a crazy look in his eyes.

"He thinks his lover is creepy? James, does that even make sense? Do you really think he'd be with me if that was the case? I'll go talk to him if you want." Curt got up to leave.

"No," Wilson said too quickly. "I'll talk to him."

"And what are you going to say? 'I don't know what I want, but I want you to provide it.' How is that going to help you or him? Are you even thinking about him and what he needs? James, I like you," Curt lied, "but I don't think you put a lot of thought into how House feels."

Wilson felt like he'd been kicked in the kidneys.

"Look, just think about Greg and his feelings before you say anything. That's all I'm saying. I've got to get going. Good luck, Jammy." Curt ruffled Wilson's hair and left. He had to find House.

Wilson leaned against the wall and groaned. He didn't feel any better at all. While he didn't want to agree with Curt, he did have to admit it made sense to think things through before he spoke to House. He was going to go home sick and think this out for the second day in a row. His growing ulcer kept it from feeling like a lie.


	14. Chapter 14 Placebo Effect

**A/N:** From this point on I really don't like how the story goes no matter how many times I've rewritten it or what avenues I've gone down. I'm going to post this version solely because there's an unnecessary smut chapter (Chapter 15).

* * *

Chapter 14 – Placebo Effect

Wilson was torn. Part of him hoped House would be in his office, but it would probably be easier if he could get to his office and back out without seeing him. What he didn't expect to see was Kutner tossing M&Ms for House to catch in his mouth. In spite of himself he had to stand on the other side of the glass and watch. House said something Wilson couldn't make out and he and Kutner laughed while 13 mocked horror.

It was too bizarre not to investigate.

"Okay, my turn," 13 said as Wilson entered.

"Just don't throw them that hard this time." House opened his mouth obscenely wide.

"I'll be gentle with you," she purred before tossing a candy. It didn't make it to him.

"You've got to put more feeling into it than that! There's got to be a happy medium between missing me and gagging me. Speaking of, there's my favorite gag factor I've been missing." House smiled at Wilson.

Several things hadn't occurred to Wilson until that moment. The first was a feeling of possessiveness that House was having fun with two of his fellows. The idea of House having other friends always bothered him if he was completely honest with himself. Since he was seldom honest with himself he hadn't noticed his jealousy before. He was supposed to be the only one to make House laugh. He certainly wasn't supposed to be enjoying the company of his subordinates.

The second was the realization that everybody would know. He hadn't known House to brag to others about his specific conquests preferring to keep things vague, but House was known for going to great lengths to embarrass him. How much had he told them?

Third, House looked incredibly sexy and he wanted to put his tongue in that oversized mouth. Or give him something more substantial to gag on. He tried to cover by concentrating on his annoyance.

"I'm glad to see the Diagnostics Department is hard at work."

"Foreman and Taub are testing their theory," Kutner offered snatching the bag of M&Ms from 13.

"Their incredibly wrong theory," House added. "Try one overhand." 13 and Kutner both threw at the same time. House missed both. "Careful! I could have lost an eye! Now that would make for an interesting law suit and future product warning on the bag."

"So half your team is testing a theory you know to be incorrect while you get diabetes." Wilson unconsciously put his hands on his hips.

Secretly, House loved it when Wilson put his arms akimbo like that. He had a fantasy about Wilson standing just like that and lecturing him for saying something rude before telling him to make it up to him House could get on his knees for him and find something better to do with his mouth.

"When it fails we will have one less theory to argue about and hopefully a new symptom. Don't mock my process. It's very scientific. No more green ones. They're making me feel funny!"

Wilson wasn't laughing. House in a good mood almost always meant chaos or evil. Either way he felt like he'd take the brunt of the fallout.

"Good luck with that, Mr. Wizard. I'm still not feeling good. I'm going home. I'll see you tomorrow." He turned to leave.

House sat up in his chair. Wilson was looking peaked.

"Do you want me to come over? I made you feel better yesterday." House was smiling. Wilson wanted to love it, but he didn't feel up to feeling good about anything at the moment.

"No, your cure was short lived. Must have been a placebo effect." Wilson's mouth twisted. He left without saying anything else.

"What's wrong with him," 13 asked.

"He just found out he could have been saving up to 20% if he'd switched to Geico," House said staring after him.

"He's got personal issues. He was looking for Curt earlier," Kutner said looking at House. House swished his mouth from side to side.

"That doesn't sound good. It's probably best to leave him alone and let him work it out until he's ready to confide in me. Well, I'm off to pry and browbeat him into telling me." House jumped up and was off to Wilson's office before anyone could comment.

House didn't like the sound of Wilson going home, the look of Wilson in his office, or the idea of Wilson talking to Curt. He didn't bother knocking before breezing into Wilson's office.

"Sure you don't want me to come over? I'd love to give you a double dose of placebo." House gave Wilson an exaggerated wink. He kept packing his briefcase without reacting.

"I don't think I can take another bitter pill."

"Oh come on! You aren't even the one swallowing!" Wilson gave House an annoyed look, but no other reaction. House knew this was serious. He walked behind Wilson and massaged his shoulders.

"What's wrong," he said in Wilson's ear before placing a delicate kiss on his neck. Wilson shook him off and walked to the other side of the desk.

"Don't. Go back to your team and juggle some Ho-Hos." /

"So whatever it was you and Curt discussed didn't go well, I take it."

"Are you following me?" Wilson was getting upset and he couldn't even pinpoint why.

"Not professionally. Kutner said you were looking for him. Do I need to find him to find out what this is about?" House hoped that wouldn't be necessary.

"I don't want you talking to Curt anymore." Both men were surprised by Wilson's tone.

"That sounds like a commandment."

"I'm serious, House. Forget not having sex with him. I don't want you near him."

House never liked being told what to do even when it coincided with what he planned to do.

"Do you intend to fit me with an ankle monitor to ensure that?"

"I saw the note." Wilson glared at House. He was angrier about it than he had thought.

"What note?" House hoped all their conversations didn't turn into interrogations, but he was beginning to feel a trend forming.

"'Did I mention you were amazing last night? I can't wait to see you. I need to see you. Soon'," Wilson mimicked breathily. "Please! It's like leaving teenage love notes in lockers."

"Sorry! I wanted to let you know I was thinking about you. I didn't realize me leaving you corny little post-its is a no-no. I won't do it again." House was glad he hadn't added the x's and o's, hearts, and "Love, G" he had thought about writing.

"So you left me a note, too? Was it as sweet as Curt's?"

House leaned heavily on his cane and sighed. Normally he would keep arguing for hours out of habit, but he was too tired.

"I've never left Curt a note. I left you a note on your desk, right here, this morning. That is the only note I have left for anyone since I left you that note reminding you to meet me for lunch and that was like two weeks ago, not that you bothered meeting me. But don't worry. I didn't like Curt to begin with."

Wilson stared at him blankly. House was beginning to remember why he didn't do relationships. The effort was exhausting.

"Ok, so no notes and no Curt. Are there any other rules? Should I get a pen and paper?"

"That note was for me?"

"Uh yeah, kinda why it was on your desk. I thought I'd leave it in Cuddy's purse, but the chances of you seeing it before her was only about 25% unless you needed to borrow her compact."

"Curt said the note was for him."

House snorted.

"Did I mention he's a nut? I know I said that to someone. Maybe I should check with my team."

Wilson walked back to his desk next to House and sat on the edge.

"Is this how our relationship is going to be? Are we in a relationship?" Wilson certainly felt like he was arguing with one of his wives.

"I hope we are and I hope it isn't." House held up a hand. "Let me clarify before you second guess me. I want to be your boyfriend. I hope we don't always have these kinds of conversations because they wear me out. For further clarification, I'm serious about the rules you want me to follow regardless of what our relationship is. Make me a list. I'm guessing it will be multiple volumes so an index might be useful."

"Do you still want to come over?" Wilson shyly made eye contact. He wasn't ready to completely give in, but he couldn't stay mad forever.

"Always. Let's go."

"Don't you have a patient dying?"

"Don't I have a team?"

"Come over later. At least wait until Foreman and Taub almost kill the poor bastard."

"Okay," House conceded. He grabbed Wilson's hand and pulled it up to his face, turned it over, and kissed the underside of his wrist. Wilson froze. He didn't think anyone had ever touched him like that there before.

House noted the reaction and wetly worked his lips and tongue slowly from one side to the other.

"Oh God, House! I think we need a rule about not doing anything in the office." Wilson jerked his hand away from House.

"I'll do my best, but you know how that lab coat turns me on." House growled. Wilson half smiled before remembering one of his previous concerns.

"Did you tell anybody about what happened last night?" He wasn't sure if he could tell if House was lying. It was almost easier to assume whatever he was going to say was a lie.

"Uh…no. Who would I tell? My team has noted I'm in a good mood and it was pointed out I probably got some really hot tail last night, but I didn't say 'I blew Wilson' or anything like that. Is keeping the non-friend yet very friendly aspects of our relationship a secret a rule?" House could see that being a tricky tight rope to walk. If he stopped sexually harassing Wilson in front of others they would suspect something. If he said too much the rumors would drive Wilson crazy. He wondered if Wilson realized how many people assumed they had sex at some point in the past 20 years. He decided this wasn't the time to bring it up.

"I would appreciate it." House waited for Wilson to elaborate. When he didn't House figured it was time for him to head back to office.

"Ok, dirty, little secret. Well, dirty, big secret. Got it. I'm going to check on the kids. Call me if you change your mind about me coming over." Wilson nodded and returned to packing up for the day. House was beginning to wonder if this wasn't a huge mistake.

After Foreman and Taub admitted they were wrong House decided they were almost right. He offered a plausible theory in a cohesive argument with an eloquent metaphor. It was damn unlikely, verging on impossible, but that's why only he was able to see it. If it was obvious one of the previous 8 doctors would have guessed it long before it made it to House.

His mood was less exuberant, but still good on the House scale. He needed to keep it from fading more. The darkness is always so close, he thought trying to keep it at bay.

He'd go over to Wilson's to take care of him. Hopefully Wilson would be in a more receptive mood. He imagined having his arms around Wilson while they watched television. Even if he wouldn't let House kiss him or anything he'd be happy to just be around him. Wilson had finally taught him what nobody else had ever been able to – patience. He'd waited over 20 years to touch him and it had been worth the wait. Of course, he certainly hoped Wilson wasn't going to ask him to wait another 20 years before letting him do it again.

He told his team to call him if, and he stressed the 'if', they needed him and had new info to share with him and headed for the door.

"Hey Lover," Curt said entering the conference room. House's team was stunned into statues.

On some level House, while being annoyed by Curt, appreciated his moxie.

"Curtis. I was just leaving. Wilson is still under the weather. I'm going to go be his Florence Nightingale umbrella. See ya." House walked past Curt and made steady progress to the elevators. He knew from experience how frustrating denying someone a reaction could be.

"Greg! Wait up," Curt said jogging to catch up to him.

House stopped. He didn't want Curt following.

"Why are you going to Wilson's?" Curt didn't like the sound of that. He wanted House to be done with that little mouse already.

"Curt, I don't know how to tell you this except to say it bluntly and explicitly."

"I know what happened," Curt said interrupting. "Wilson told me." Curt put a hand on House's elbow. "I understand. I don't expect you to be anything as pedestrian as monogamous. I do think you won't want anyone else after you see all the things I can do for you." Curt moved in to kiss him.

House backed away startled. What was with this fruit loop?

"Greg," Curt said with a hint of exasperation. "A little PDA won't hurt you. Everybody will know about us soon enough. I'm certainly not shy about my feelings for you." Curt cursed Wilson. Would it have killed him over the years to show House a little affection even if it hadn't been sexual? As his new companion he'd have to deal with all the baggage Wilson heaped on House.

"If Wilson told you than you know I won't be needing your servicing any longer." He wished Wilson shared Curt's sentiments about publicity.

"I don't understand." Curt must have misheard him.

House had tried to be nice because Curt was Wilson's friend and because, as much as he hated to admit it, Curt did have his moments, but now Curt had stolen and lied and delayed him. He was annoyed.

"I'm in love with Wilson. He's all I need, all I've ever needed. Now that we're together nothing else matters. That means there isn't any room for you and there's nothing you can do about it." House realized his team was walking by and heard him. He hadn't meant to break one of Wilson's rules so quickly. Technically he was breaking both the Curt and discretion rules. He was getting too old for this kind of drama.

Curt felt something physically break in his chest. His pulse began to race. Love? Wilson? That wasn't how this was supposed to happen. House was supposed to embrace him as his companion/apprentice/lover and forget all about that worm Wilson.

"That's great. Really. I'm happy for both of you. But," Curt added moving in closer to House, "I think it's only fair to tell you Wilson is freaking out. I don't think he can handle it." Curt bit his tongue and moved his eyes down House's torso then back up. "You know I know how to handle it." He smiled.

"Remember when I said there were different desired results to seduction? Wilson fulfills all of mine. You are superfluous." House smiled back. He still didn't understand Curt's plan, but he didn't care anymore. He had Wilson. Whatever Curt was up to was meaningless. It was freeing to be able to give up on a mystery.

Curt ignored him.

"You know how James is – never happy until he's talked all the joy out of things. Why don't I come over and the three of us can talk about it together. Maybe I can convince you who the better man for you is." Curt moved in closer. "Or maybe we can show him what you like," he whispered. "Maybe he's more adventurous than we think."

Curt's fingertips ghosted down House's stomach. He tried to channel the power House had already shared with him. This had to work. It was fate. Even as powerful as House was he was still a servant to Kismet.

House didn't want him to come over, not tonight and not ever again, and with Curt looking at him even weirder it seemed like a really bad idea. There was also that always active little piece of his mind that was irrationally turned on at the idea of Wilson watching him demonstrate the finer points of sodomy on Curt. He was definitely going to look into therapy one of these days.

"Yeah, that's not going to happen." House turned towards the elevators. Curt grabbed his hand over the handle of his cane.

"Do you think you can just dismiss me like this? I need you!" House thought he looked 8 shades of crazy. House appreciated it when the crazies gave him enough warning to duck.

"You don't need me." You need a shrink, House added to himself. "I've taught you some valuable skills. Go try them out on someone else. I've got to go to Wilson. Good luck." He hoped that would placate him enough to get away from him.

Curt moved his hand to cup House's cheek. He flinched away, but Curt still reached him. He smiled broadly and House thought he looked like he was about to cry.

"Oh Greg! Thank you!" Curt laughed with joy. "Thank you!" He turned and ran down the hall.

House had no idea where he was going. He was just glad it was in the opposite direction. Without further impedance, House made it to the elevator.

As soon as Curt realized what House was really saying he could feel the change. The pieces fell into place quickly. It was so simple to understand now. To think this was how House's mind worked all the time!

Once House had met him he tested him. Once he passed the test and House realized he was worthy House could move on. No wonder he had never used his abilities to bend Wilson to his will. He'd been waiting. Now that House had his successor he could be with his beloved Wilson as equals. House had passed his power onto him. Now all he had to do was learn how to use it.


	15. Chapter 15 For Educational Purposes

A/N: Warning! Porn! The bottle of Jack Daniels is an inside joke for anybody who has watched the "To the Last Man: The Gathering Storm" available from Raging Stallion Studios.

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Chapter 15 – For Educational Purposes

Wilson was feeling better by the time he got home. He was still concerned House wasn't taking this seriously and more than concerned about House having other liaisons.

That little realization brought Wilson to a startling conclusion. If he was anxious about not having a serious romantic relationship with House that meant he did want that kind of relationship. It suddenly seemed so obvious. He wanted to be with House. Wow. Simple. And frightening.

He was tempted to go back to work. Then again, didn't he deserve a day off? The only problem was how to spend it. He started to watch a movie, but found he was more interested in what the name of a particular actor was than the plot. Soon he was online looking it up. Wings Hauser. How could he forget a name like that? He looked up a few other movies Hauser made.

That's when his day got more interesting. "Vice Squad" starring Wings Hauser as a pimp named Ramrod begged for further investigation. One sloppy internet search later and he was reading about a porn movie with a similar title and plot (but sans Wings).

A little voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like House said it wouldn't hurt to click on a few links while he was here. After a few minutes the same voice suggested he click the "All Male" link. He had seen a moment or two of what the website referred to as "hot man-on-man rock hard action", but never intentionally. Now he was watching for pointers, watching intentionally and intently.

I guess those "for educational purposes" disclaimers were right after all, Wilson thought as he clicked to download the "To the Last Man" series. A cowboy epic couldn't be too over the top gay. He took a slack jawed break 45 minutes into the first film. He made a quick lunch and found a bottle of Jack Daniels.

Wilson was working on his second drink when he returned to watching the movie. He was having a hard time following the plot and had all but given up trying to figure out which cowboys worked at which ranch. He couldn't remember watching any straight porn this complicated.

By the time the first movie was over he didn't understand who was supposed to be the bad guys, hoped House wasn't into dirty stables, and was achingly hard hoping House was into sucking bourbon off his cock.

After the bloodbath at the beginning of the second movie Wilson decided to try something a little, for lack of a better word, prettier. He analyzed a few clips, one entitled "Principal's Office" twice. While he was getting more comfortable with the mechanics, the language and idea of using it with House was still difficult. Maybe if he could accidentally show that clip to House he'd get the idea to try it.

Wilson started to watch the clip for the third time, this time not resisting the urge to stroke his erection, when he heard a sound behind him. He yelped startled.

"Hi Honey. I guess you're feeling better," House paused, "in your pants."

Wilson burned red.

"Suddenly I have a fever." Sure he wanted House to watch the video, but not while he was masturbating to it. House laughing didn't help his embarrassment. He stuffed himself back in his pants as best he could.

"Now you know what it's like to have someone barge in on your personal video time. You've got Cole Steele and I've got Joe Penny. Who would have thought I had the classier choice." House kissed Wilson's cheek innocently. "Looks like you're taking a House style sick day."

"Yeah, I, um, well I…"

"Don't worry. I won't tell you were playing hooky. A few people are worried about you, by the way. You should go in late tomorrow to keep the illusion of ill health going." House looked at the playlist Wilson had been burning through. He was a little surprised and a lot titillated.

"I was just seeing, you know, um…how they…" Yep. Wilson still had to work on the jargon.

"If I'd known you were home alone watching porn I wouldn't have waited to dazzle my team with my insights."

House hesitated to say anything about Curt, but he knew it would come back sooner or later. His resolution to be truthful and forthright with Wilson was a new tact for him. He was hoping it would pay off in the long term. Thinking about consequences and things in the long term was new, too. It made him antsy.

"Curt stopped by to see me. He'd like to give you a live action version of your new video library."

Wilson knew House couldn't be trusted. There was too much temptation and House was too good at finding it. Years of bed hopping and unintentional seductions made that obvious. Of course, if he held the past against House the opposite would be true as well. He could hear House enumerating his wives and girlfriends. That would be a long argument.

"Exactly how many hours did it take you to break your promise? Do you need to leave to meet him? Or maybe one of your other tramps."

"You're the only 'tramp' I'm interested in." When that didn't make Wilson smile House was close to deciding this whole truthfulness thing was overrated. "Are you always this jealous?" House hadn't noticed Wilson being jealous in his marriages. If anything he was always pushing his women to find new hobbies and give him space. How many hours had he spent with House avoiding going home?

"Look, Wilson, if you need me to back off or give you space or something just say so. It's not necessary to goad me into leaving."

"Here's an idea," Wilson said sharply. "Don't give me reason to be jealous."

"Wouldn't it be worse if I didn't tell you I ran into Curt and you found out? Because you would have found out. My team heard part of the conversation and I'm sure my declaration of love will get back to you through the hospital grape vine pretty quickly."

"Love? You told him you love him?" Wilson had never seen himself as the jealous kind and now he was getting to experience jealous rage. He'd never felt like this, not even when he, accurately, thought Julie was cheating on him.

House slapped his hand against the back of Wilson's head. Wilson stood stunned.

"No, you moron, I told him I was in love with you." House grabbed Wilson's drink off the table and downed it in one gulp. "I can't believe your convoluted thought process! I told you I'm not interested in Curt except as a distant memory. Why would I tell him I love him? I'm trying to get rid of him, not encourage him."

"So you lied to make him go away?" House slapped his head again. "Stop doing that," Wilson said straightening his hair with his fingers.

"No, I told him the complete truth. I love you and there is no place for him in our lives. Then he went cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs and ran off to frolic with Lucky the Leprechaun and the Trix Rabbit. He was happy as a lunatic with a new straight jacket. I still have no idea what he was up to, but crazy people can't be expected to make rational plans. I'm just glad he's gone."

Wilson invaded House's personal space, but didn't touch him.

"So you love me?" He smiled at House with a self satisfied gleam in his eye. House went to smack him again then stopped.

"Well duh! Do you think I've tolerated you, your self righteousness, your lecturing, and your obsessive hair care because I kind of like you?" House grabbed Wilson in a hug and tousled his hair.

"So you love me in spite of my many, many flaws," Wilson said returning the embrace.

"Yes and those are just the tip of the ice berg. I haven't even mentioned how aggravating it is when you jump to conclusions." He hugged Wilson tighter. "I told him now that you and I are finally together and nothing else matters. I mean it. I accept all your flaws. Your many, many flaws." House kissed Wilson lightly.

Wilson wasn't expecting it to feel so good to be in someone's arms. He knew House wasn't a rock, but he was so solid it was reassuring to hold on to him. It was a feeling he didn't want to do without ever again. His sentimentality gave way to more carnal concerns when House began rubbing slow circles on his back.

"Now that we have that out of the way, want to watch a movie," House asked leering.

"Well," Wilson said disentangling and picking up his laptop. "I do have a new favorite short film I'd like to share with you. It combines the cinematic majesty of John Huston with the symbolic imagery of Rosselini…"

"With the throbbing man meat of the internet," House interrupted snagging the laptop. He put it on the coffee table and sat back on the couch. He picked up the empty tumbler and handed it to Wilson. "I'll take another, barkeep, neat."

Wilson leaned over and restarted the video. He bowed slightly to House and went to the kitchen for more booze. He was going to need it.

House immediately liked the clip. An authoritative guy wearing an ill fitting suit stood in front of a guy who, in spite of looking about the same age, was supposed to be a student and wore an ill fitting varsity jacket. House was pretty sure the clothing wouldn't be an issue for long. The authoritative guy was chastising the other guy for being disrespectful. House didn't have to think too hard to figure out who Wilson related to.

Wilson sat down a sofa cushion away and handed House a drink. House picked up the laptop and moved next to Wilson.

"What's the point in watching porn together if you're practically in the next room?" House put his arm around Wilson and smiled at his obvious discomfort. "So this is your favorite? Should I hunt down the whole movie for you?"

"Maybe," Wilson said trying not to smile. He experimentally put a hand on House's leg.

The story was pretty predictable. The principal was going to teach the student a lesson by swapping detention time for sexual favors.

"The guy with the tie is hot. I like his body language. He reminds me of you," House leaned over and kissed Wilson's neck.

"Keep your eyes on the screen," Wilson said in a teasing voice. House looked at the screen.

"I'd rather look at you." Wilson crossed his arms and pouted. House loved it. "Okay, I'm watching." He played with the hair around Wilson's ear.

"Stop it," Wilson said slapping his hand away.

"Sorry. It's not my fault you need a hair cut." When Wilson didn't take the bait he went back to watching the porn.

As the man undid his pants and pulled the other man's mouth to his cock, House felt Wilson's pulse increase.

"Do you like that," House asked moving so the shoulder of his arm around Wilson was behind him.

"It's okay," Wilson said trying to ignore what House was doing.

House wriggled until he had enough of himself behind Wilson to put his chin on Wilson's shoulder. He innocently watched the screen.

"Ooo," House said. "I don't think he should have talked back to him. I bet he gets in school detention."

He could feel Wilson getting warmer. House was enjoying Wilson's mix of arousal and embarrassment. As things heated up on the screen he decided to up the ante.

"Do you want to do that to me?"

"Maybe," Wilson said hoping House understood 'maybe' meant 'yes, desperately'.

"What about that?"

"Yes," Wilson said hoping House understood 'yes' meant 'please'.

House gave him a few moments to process what was happening in the movie.

"You wouldn't like that."

"I don't know," Wilson said his throat dry. "That could be … interesting." He bent forward to pick up his glass. House used the opportunity to move so more of their bodies touched when Wilson sat back.

Wilson decided to be a little bolder.

"I really want to …" he waited for the movie to catch up to his thoughts "… do that."

House was taken aback. That was no mean feat.

"Really? You'd do that?"

Wilson relished the surprised tone of House's voice.

"Yep."

"You realize that's really gay. _Really_." House noted with joy the clip was only 14 minutes long and was half over.

"I don't know about that. I think some other stuff is gayer."

"Fine. I'm not going to argue if it means you'll do that. That's one of my favorite things. Are you going to do that with your hands while you do it?"

"Oh yeah. I wanted to do that before I …" Wilson paused. Before what? Before he turned gay? Before House seduced him? He honestly couldn't say.

"Then I think I'm going to give you about 10 minutes to prove it." House reached around and unbuttoned Wilson's shirt.

Wilson sighed. He needed to calm down or he wouldn't get a chance to show House how open minded he was.

Both men jumped at the sound of the principal's desk being dramatically cleared for more space. They wasted no time putting that space to use.

"Oh yeah," House murmured against Wilson's neck. "You wouldn't believe how good that feels!"

"Is that your way of saying you want that, too?" Wilson imagined House's face twisted in ecstasy like the man in the movie. Hell yeah, they were going to do that.

"I want that real bad. Really bad." House leaned back and pulled his shirt off. "I'll do anything to get you to do that to me. Anything," House whispered in Wilson's ear.

Wilson concentrated on the laptop. The clip was almost done. He watched as the two men took turns finishing each other off.

"Do you want to do that?" House wasn't going to push it, but he really wanted Wilson to say yes.

"Um…" Part of Wilson wanted to, but part of him wasn't sure he was ready for that. "That might be too gay for me. Is there some intermittent level?" House laughed. "Don't laugh at me! I'm trying here!"

"You're doing better than I expected. If you do half of what you said you wanted to try I will be the happiest diagnostician in your condo."

Wilson stood up and turned to look at House. He looked, for lack of a better word, lusty. It was the sexiest thing he'd ever seen.

"I am way over stimulated", Wilson said between heavy breaths. He put his hands on his hips and looked up, away from the object of his desire.

House wasted no time. House had always been turned on by Wilson's flustered pose. He went for Wilson's zipper.

"Let's see if I can remember what you liked."

Wilson looked down and saw House biting his tongue. He had to look away. It was too hard to see him like that while he was so hard himself.

House concentrated on the tip. He licked it then sucked hard. Wilson moaned and panted and called out to random deities and prophets. It made House laugh and that made Wilson nearly die.

"Oh God, House," he panted. "Don't. Too soon." House held Wilson's cock just behind the head in his teeth. He shook his head. Wilson experienced sensations in nerve endings he didn't realize existed.

House let him go. He unceremoniously stood up much to Wilson's disappointment.

"I'm going for your hippie hemp lube. Do you want to move to the bedroom or stay in the living room?" House really didn't care, but he thought he'd ask since they were acting out Wilson's porn inspired fantasy.

Wilson's brain wasn't functioning. He couldn't be sure, but he thought he might have had a stroke. It probably was only a moment, but it felt like ten before Wilson managed to process the question.

"Bedroom."

"Are you sure? If you want it to be really like that clip we could go back to your office."

Wilson cursed House for his ability to form sentences while he sounded like Tarzan. He didn't give House an answer, but grabbed his hand and dragged him to the bedroom. It was his non-verbal way of saying "now".

House was ridiculously turned on having Wilson take charge. They were barely through the door when Wilson practically tore his clothes off. He kissed him desperately with needy zeal. House was proud to have turned Wilson into a ravenous beast.

House found the lube where he'd left it. He marveled how any man who kept blueberry cheesecake flavored hemp lube could think he wasn't gay.

"What should I do," Wilson asked eagerly. He wasn't sure what he could do, but he was very enthusiastic to help. His excitement and nervousness combined with the blood flowing away from his brain to make him feel lightheaded.

House got on the bed and stacked up the pillows. He thought, not for the first time, if Wilson was an animal he'd be an overactive puppy who hadn't grown into his paws.

"You can watch."

He propped himself up on the pillows and stretched out. He fondled his balls. Looking up, he saw Wilson completely entranced. He bent his knees and moved his fingers down to his anus. House stopped and held his hand out.

"Pump a little fruity lube for me." Wilson moved without taking his eyes off House. He pumped a dollop of lube into House's hand. As an afterthought he bent down and flicked his tongue against the blob.

House smiled. Wilson was going to be his best student ever. House slipped the lube against his opening. When he was sure Wilson was watching he slipped his forefinger inside up to the first knuckle. Wilson's breath hitched. House pushed a little deeper. Wilson looked up to House's face. He bit his lip then blew a kiss at Wilson. Without warning, Wilson smashed their mouths together.

House had to stop fingering himself to keep his balance. He didn't mind. He loved kissing. He loved it from his first kiss at age 5. He found he loved it even more when he had his first French kiss. His first French kiss while naked? House could replay that moment in his mind with perfect clarity. It was one of the greatest moments of pure joy in his life. Kissing Wilson like this beat it.

He reluctantly pushed Wilson back. Wilson stepped back and stumbled into a chair. His eyes were glazed over. If House didn't know better he'd have thought Wilson was stoned.

House rolled over on his side away from Wilson. He bent his legs and turned back to make sure Wilson was still watching. He was. House's ego swelled along with his anatomy. He reached back and spread his cheeks. He pushed his buttocks together then pulled them apart several times. House slapped his ass. He heard Wilson gasp. Perfect.

He spread himself open again and reached his fingers back to his hole. He pushed one finger in again. A low guttural moan escaped. He rubbed his finger in and out briefly before adding a second finger. He whimpered.

"Oh my God, House. Oh wow. Does it feel good?" He heard Wilson get up from the chair.

"Oh yeah." He laughed. "Like you haven't tried it." He could sense Wilson turning beet red. He felt the bed dip as Wilson sat down.

Wilson put his hand on House's hip. He thought about the video and was emboldened enough to kiss the surprisingly soft skin there.

House slid a third finger in and moved his hand quickly, greedily. He spread his fingers and stretched himself more. He was tighter than he'd hope and out of practice. He didn't get to be the receiver very often. His lovers tended to want him to dominate them. He'd had more than one want him to roughly take him. He liked it, but it was nice to switch things up.

His trust issues didn't help. Stay away from the dark, he told himself.

He concentrated on how his fingers felt and Wilson's hand stroking his hip. Wilson's hand moving downward. Wilson's hand on his ass. Wilson's hand lightly squeezing.

"I need it now," House said sitting up. "Get a condom," he commanded.

Wilson jumped up. He almost pulled the drawer off its rollers. Calm down, Wilson, he thought as he grabbed a condom. His hands were shaking.

House would have found Wilson's sudden loss of coordination cute under other circumstances. Right now it was frustrating. He grabbed the condom from Wilson and tore it open with his teeth. He slid the latex sleeve down Wilson's shaft.

Wilson was startled with House's speed. There was something comforting about how practiced House was, but there was something equally intimidating.

House nipped at Wilson's neck and growled. He didn't like the reaction from Wilson. He looked scared.

"Here's the deal," House panted. "I need you right now. Neither one of us is going to last long. It's going to be fast, hard, and primal. Once we've taken the edge off and we aren't both on the verge of exploding we can make love. Now, I need you to fuck me. Okay?"

Wilson nodded. He knew exactly what House meant. He was pretty sure House wasn't going to hold his inexperience against him. He was hoping he'd feel the same way about his brevity.

House bent over the mattress. He reached his hands back to give Wilson an obvious target. He felt Wilson get behind him, but he didn't move in closer.

"You've had anal sex with women, right? It's basically the same. Get to it."

Wilson moved closer and grabbed House's waist just above his hips. House was concerned about Wilson's breathing.

"Think about your movie. Remember the principal teaching that bad boy a lesson? His dick slid in so easy and then he fucked him deep and hard. Don't you want to fuck me like that? House wiggled his ass.

"Oh God, yes." Wilson lined his cock up and slowly slid into House. Truth be told, he had done this with women, but not very often. Before Amber he could have counted on one hand the number of times. Amber was much freer sexually than the women he usually dated. Compared to them she was a stone cold freak. Compared to House she was a nun.

"Keep going. I want it all. Guh," House huffed as Wilson found his magic spot.

Wilson wasn't sure if he was doing it right based on House's reaction. He didn't want to hurt him and he honestly couldn't see how this couldn't hurt. He started to pull out. House grabbed the comforter in his fists and pushed back. Wilson took that as a positive sign.

He thrust in and slowly pulled back. He did it a few more times experimenting with angles. He found one that made House moan and tried to duplicate it. House moaned louder.

"Faster! Give it to me, Wilson." Wilson had never heard House's voice like that. He wanted to hear it some more. He braced House's pelvis and slammed into him.

"Fuck! God! Do it, Wilson, do it. Huu huuah huaaa!" House's words dissolved into sounds as Wilson began pounding in and out of his tight ass.

Wilson bit his tongue to hold back. Remembering the porno he grabbed House's buttocks and squeezed roughly. He let go, but only so he could slap his left cheek. House cried out. Wilson smacked him again. The sound of his hand on House's flesh mixed with the tingle in his palm to overwhelm his senses.

On the fourth or fifth smack the recognition that he was spanking House almost pushed him over the edge. He abruptly pulled out of House and stepped back.

House missed the sensation immediately. He was really, _really_ enjoying himself. He hoped Wilson wasn't stopping.

"Get on you back." House smiled. He remembered Wilson's fantasy film. God bless the internet! House lay on his back and scooted his ass to the edge of the bed.

Wilson poised himself over House. They kissed frantically. He stood up and hooked House's legs over his elbows. He'd been concerned being face to face with a man would be weird. It wasn't. Wilson already liked this. He could see House's face.

"I love your eyes."

"I love your dick. Fuck me."

"I can do that," Wilson answered.

It wasn't as easy as it looked in the movie. It would probably be easier on a desk, Wilson thought. He found House's entrance and steadying his cock with his hand managed to push in a few inches. He moved his hand and accidentally touched House's erection. He pushed in all the way as he hooked House's knees over his elbows.

Wilson couldn't believe he'd touched his penis. I touched House's penis. Oh God! He pulled back and thrust into House hard. He was shocked at how deep he was.

House had his arms above his head. He wanted Wilson to touch him again. He knew it wasn't on purpose, but an unintentional hand job was still Wilson touching him. House guessed that fell into Wilson's category of too gay. He'd have to work on that.

Wilson was building up speed. He didn't know if he could hold out much longer. He tried to think about baseball, bass fishing, Lego castles – anything to keep from thinking about what he was doing.

House could tell Wilson wasn't going to last much longer. He was surprised Wilson had lasted this long. He was surprised he had! He'd have shot if he'd had any additional friction against his cock. He reached down awkwardly and began stroking his dick in rhythm with Wilson's lunges.

House felt Wilson's hand over his. He squeezed House's hand causing him to grip his cock tighter. It was almost like Wilson touching him. That thought was all it took.

"Yea…Yea…Wil…son…fuck…uhhhhg…deep…so…good…uhhh…so…oooo…ohhhh!"

Wilson's body was moving on its own. He was too busy watching House to process his own actions. His face looked pained then all his muscles tightened. It looked like he was sweating above his upper lip. He couldn't wait to taste it.

House came hard. He thought he was going to pass out. He hadn't meant to, but he had exploded all over Wilson's chest. He forced his eyes open to look at it.

Wilson was stunned by House. His face had gone completely lax. His arms that always seemed tautly muscled were suddenly boneless. Then House opened his eyes.

"Greaaaaaaahhg," Wilson yelled with a final push. Finally coming was a painful relief. House contracted his sphincter muscles and milked every drop from Wilson's cock. Wilson had a whole body shiver. He pulled out of House and collapsed next to him on the bed.

Wilson reached blindly out to touch House. His hand connected with House's chest. Wilson hadn't regained enough strength to do anything other than stroke the back of his hand against him.

House moved up the bed and kissed Wilson. Wilson weakly dragged his fingers along House's scalp. He licked House lips and tasted the sweat he'd seen.

"Delicious," he mumbled. He was vaguely aware of House taking the condom off for him.

"You just lost three pounds. Two from exertion and one in come," House said lying back down on the bed.

Wilson laughed. That was exactly how he felt. He forced himself to open his eyes. House had one arm over his head and his other hand resting on his stomach. He had his eyes closed. Wilson took the opportunity to study him. He'd never seen House look so peaceful or so happy. He felt a sudden twinge around his eyes as the emotion hit him. House deserved so much more than he ever got.

He kissed House before collapsing back into place.

Wilson must have fallen asleep. He was thinking about House in terms of emotions rather than concrete thoughts. The next thing he knew there was something wet on his stomach. He opened his eyes to find House raking a wash cloth over him.

"Just doing a little clean up. I didn't want you to wake up to dried spunk all over your stomach." Wilson hadn't expected House to be so considerate. He also didn't expect him to look so caring. He did expect House to throw the wet washcloth on the floor. He wasn't disappointed.

House touched Wilson's face. Having Wilson made up for all the things he hadn't gotten in life.

"I love you," he whispered before kissing Wilson's temple. He put his head on Wilson's shoulder and snuggled in close. Wilson rubbed House's back.

"I," Wilson began, "I downloaded another movie if you're interested." He smiled as House chuckled against him.


	16. Chapter 16 Power Outage

Chapter 16 – Power Outage

Wilson took House's suggestion and came into work late. He felt good and told everybody who asked, which seemed like everybody he saw, that he was feeling much better.

He was, in fact, feeling better than he had in ages. He was happy. He couldn't remember the last time he was really happy. He was content a lot. He worked on looking friendly and being nice. But happy? He guessed him being really happy was as rare as House's laughter. Well that was going to change. They were both going to be happy and laugh all the time now.

Wilson was thinking of House when he saw the familiar tip of a flaming cane peeking out from behind a potted tree. He sneaked over to surprise him.

"Hello there, hot stuff," Wilson said goosing the t-shirt covered midsection through the leaves.

"Uh, hello," a non-House voice said on the other side of the plant. Wilson walked around to see who he needed to apologize to.

He was shocked. It was House's t-shirt. It was House's cane. It was a respiratory therapist.

"Curt," Wilson said confused. "Sorry, I thought you were House."

Curt beamed. Thinking he was House was a natural mistake. He was sure he'd get a lot of that going forward.

"If it helps you can think of me as House 2.0."

Wilson took a closer look. Curt hadn't shaved or fixed his hair. He was wearing tennis shoes and a shirt that Wilson thought looked like something House would wear.

"Did you hurt your leg or something?" He nodded towards the cane. Now that he thought about it, House did have a cane like that, but had lost it in the bus crash.

"I don't need it, per se, but it helps me focus. I haven't quite got the hang of how House uses it. Well, used it."

Curt leaned against the cane like he'd seen House do so many times. He could tell by the way Wilson was looking at him he had it right. He was tempted to lecture Wilson about underestimating him, but he decided to take the high road. It would get him away from Wilson faster.

"I've got work to do. It's time for the magic to happen!" Curt walked away smugly, occasionally taping his cane on the ground.

House is right, Wilson thought. Curt had completely lost it. House had been known to drive people crazy, but this was extreme even for him. Wilson couldn't wait to see House's reaction. Poor Curt. He hadn't been such a bad guy. That didn't mean Wilson wasn't going to drop a hint to Cuddy about Curt being unstable.

Wilson waited to get some distance between him and Curt before going to pick up his messages. Two more rounds of 'I'm feeling better. Thanks for asking.' later and he was finally closing in on the elevators.

"Hi Dr. Wilson." Wilson turned. Taub was smiling pleasantly, but without any real pleasantness behind it.

"Morning, Taub." Wilson wondered how long it would take for one of House's team to say something. He thought he'd have at least a day of knowing looks.

"Just so you know, House is in a really good mood."

"Good. It's good he's in a good mood. Isn't it?" Wilson certainly thought it was good.

"He's messing with us and I thought you should know."

Wilson almost laughed. Since when wasn't House messing with his team? He'd start worrying when House stopped playing mind games.

"Consider me informed, but I like to stay out of his little games."

"You can't stay out of this one. He told Curt Freeling he's in love with you." That did make Wilson laugh. "We all heard him say the two of you are," Taub lowered his voice, "a couple. I almost believed him. Kutner and 13 do. Foreman doesn't care, but I think he might believe him, too. "

"Why don't you believe him?"

"I think you're too smart to get involved with him. Clearly Curt wasn't that smart."

"And he couldn't possibly be in love, right?" Wilson didn't like how other people saw House, but part of him knew he was guilty of the same thinking.

"That's why I'm telling you this. The two of you together? No, I don't believe it. House being in love with you? I think it explains a lot. I think, as hard as it is to accept it, House loves you. I don't know how you're going to handle this, but I thought it was only fair to warn you." Taub patted Wilson on the back and walked away.

Warn him? Wilson didn't need a warning. People needed a wake up call.

"Taub," Wilson called after him. "I am House's boyfriend so watch what you say about him." He turned and got on the elevator.

Taub and everyone standing within ear shot was stunned silent.

On the elevator Wilson struggled to not have a panic attack. He was proud of himself. He'd managed to stay calm and admit he was House's boyfriend. He smiled. He done it! He didn't dwell on not saying House was _his_ boyfriend. Minor semantics.

By the time he made it to House's office he wasn't feeling any anxiety. He was feeling great! It was like a burden was lifted. He hadn't realized how heavily weighted down he'd been. He walked straight to House writing on his white board, grabbed his shoulder, and turned him around. He kissed him passionately.

It wasn't often House was taken completely aback. He reached for Wilson who pulled away.

"I've got a funny story to tell you when you get a chance. I'll be in my office." He started to leave before turning back and giving House a quick peck on the cheek. The look on Foreman's face while he struggled to not show any emotion was priceless. Wilson made a quick exit before he broke out laughing.

House was smiling like an idiot. He's train of thought was completely derailed. He rubbed his cheek where Wilson had kissed him.

"So are you guys going to get married," Kutner asked smiling.

House put his game face on and glared at them.

"What else could cause hypertension, euphoria, fever, and numbness," he demanded circling those symptoms on the board.

"Sounds like love to me," 13 said.

"I hope that's your way of saying there's neurological involvement," House said trying to return to the case. "Or are you suggesting the bloody vomit means she met her soul mate?"

Something clicked and he had a minor epiphany. "Rescan her head." At least being in love wasn't going to affect his diagnostic skills.

Curt was getting frustrated. This wasn't working the way he thought it should. He'd tripped over the cane a half dozen times, his supervisor yelled at him for not wearing a lab coat, and his beard was itching. He had no idea how to control his new found powers.

Truthfully, he didn't even know the extent of those powers. House could read minds so he should be able to. He thought he could pick up a few pieces, but it wasn't as clear as he thought it should be. He had expected it to take some time for him to control time or will people to obey him, but the mindreading seemed like it would be easy.

He'd have to talk to House. He didn't want to admit he was having difficulties, but House must have had his own problems when he started. House must have anticipated issues or he wouldn't have told him to practice. He just wasn't sure how to practice.

"I'm serious! He went stomping off with the flame cane bouncing off the floor! He's lost it!" Wilson and House were laughing as they walked down the hall.

"People are freaking out all over today. Your little demonstration might have something to do with it."

"I can't believe I did that. People probably think I've lost my mind. No one will even notice poor Curt's breakdown."

"Everybody knew you were crazy. They just didn't know you'd ever come to terms with it. Maybe I should check in on Curtis to make sure he's getting on okay," House said expecting Wilson's definitive response of 'no'.

"I'm so glad you said that." They turned to see Curt. "I need to talk to you. It isn't working."

"You startled me," House said. He wondered when he became so shockable.

Curt was relieved. If he'd startled House that meant he couldn't read his mind any more. He was glad House couldn't tell how fearful he was of failing.

"That's my shirt! I've been looking for that." House took in Curt's appearance. They had identical shoes on. The cane was, for lack of a better word, creepy.

"You know I borrowed a few things."

House didn't know that. He wondered what else Klepto Curt had helped himself to.

"What's up with the cane?" He tapped it with his own cane. "It's not like you need it."

"I don't?" Curt was sure the cane was part of the magic.

"You've got two perfectly fine legs. I've seen them – not so much as a freckle." Wilson coughed. "Not that I committed them to memory," House added.

"You're right," Curt said suddenly smiling. "There are always trade offs for greatness, aren't there? Thank you, Greg." Curt smiled, turned and ran down the hall.

"I thought he was going to kiss you."

"Don't you sound jealous!" House could see Wilson was not in the mood to be amused. "I can't believe he stole my shirt!"

"You could have asked him for it back. You could have seen his flawless chest again." House grinned at Wilson's jealousy. It was a kick. He wouldn't go out of his way to make him act that way, but it was pretty clear he wouldn't have to. It was his own dysfunctional litmus test of affection.

"I wonder where he's going in such a hurry." House did wonder, but not enough to investigate. "I pull that look off better than him, right?"

"Yeah, but he still has better hair. Come on, I'll buy you lunch and maybe we can throw some more fuel on the gossip fire." House wasn't going to argue with that plan.

Curt couldn't believe he'd missed it. He'd even asked himself the question before. Had House been as powerful before the infarction? Answer: No or he wouldn't have let it happen.

It was a sacrifice he was happy to make. He drank another shot. He wasn't looking forward to the pain, but it couldn't be avoided. He picked up the knife and tried not to think about it as he stabbed the blade into his thigh. It didn't hurt as much as he expected. He pulled the knife out. That was when the pain hit.

He took the knife in both hands and shakily dragged it across his skin. Two horizontal lines and a vertical slash later, Curt couldn't feel anything. He could think clearly for what might have been the first time in his life. It was so obvious what he had to do. He understood House's plan at last. He began to make his own plan as he lost consciousness.


	17. Chapter 17 Lion’s Den, Spider’s Parlor

A/N: Good news/bad news - Good news: This is the last chapter! Bad news: I think there might be a sequel. I almost rewrote some of this after this week's episode - a massage and a recliner, but decided to leave it. This chapter is messy enough without me editing out trivial details! It's a bit anti-climatic, but if you read it slowly it will seem more suspenseful!

Thanks to everyone for reading and commenting. I really appreciate it.

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Chapter 17 – Lion's Den, Spider's Parlor, or Devil's Lair?

Wilson was almost asleep. The feel of House's hands massaging his back was comforting and relaxing and sensual and surprisingly gentle. He'd started by rubbing his shoulders before declaring Wilson a ball of knots. Wilson hadn't had a man give him a massage in years and then it was purely sports therapy. House was more far-reaching and multi-purpose.

He kneaded until Wilson's flesh was putty. Then he switched from concentrating on the muscles to gently rubbing the entire surface area of his back. Now he was using his fingertips to make what felt like little circles of pure pleasure on his skin.

Wilson waited patiently for House to make a 'happy ending' joke. He hoped he'd make it soon or he'd be asleep and miss it.

I'm so relaxed and it would be so easy to go to sleep…maybe I should tell House to stop before I can't make my eyes open…House is so good at this…so…good…

The next thing Wilson knew he was asleep. He didn't actually know he was asleep until his phone violently woke him.

"Hello? This is Dr. Wilson," he mumbled through still sleep bound lips. He glanced around for House. He was more interested in seeing him than anything the caller could say.

"James! I need you. I need your help," Curt cried. "It isn't working! What did I do?! Help me, Jamie!"

Wilson wasn't sure what he was supposed to say. He didn't want to talk to Curt let alone help him. Was he crying?

"What do you want, Curt," Wilson asked tersely.

"Can you come over?"

Come over? Wouldn't it make more sense to call a friend? I suppose Curt doesn't have a lot of friends. He's never introduced me to any. Oh crap. Now I'm feeling sorry for the lunatic.

"Isn't there someone else you can call?" Now Wilson was sure Curt was crying.

"I could call Greg. I didn't want to bother him. He's been so good to me."

"Are you serious?" Wilson couldn't believe Curt still didn't understand House. He was tempted to tell him to go ahead and call him so he could hear House hang up on him after a few choice words.

"I know he's grateful. He said the two of you would never have gotten together if I hadn't come along. I know he's busy, but he'll probably understand."

Wilson could hear the pain in Curt's voice. It was a double whammy of guilt and competiveness. He was the compassionate one to call for help, not House. The irksome truth was he probably wouldn't have allowed House to give him the world's most bone melting massage, and certainly not without his shirt on, if Curt hadn't planted the seed. He felt beholden to Curt for that.

Wilson walked into the living room. House was asleep in a recliner. He still wasn't 100% on his diagnosis so he had his phone on his lap next to the remote. He was hugging a medical journal like a teddy bear.

Absolutely adorable, Wilson thought. He wasn't going to let Crazy Curt interrupt his nap. He didn't think House was sleeping at all anymore at least not without the abuse of pills and liquor. He wished he had an afghan to tuck around him.

Curt whimpered biting back a sob. If House was freaking out and in pain he'd want somebody to answer his call for help – not that House would call anyone. Wilson caved.

"Okay, I'll come over," Wilson said tiptoeing back to the bedroom. "Don't call House." This had better be an emergency, Wilson fumed to himself, or he'd give Curt something to cry about.

Curt quickly ended the call before laughing. Controlling Wilson was so easy he didn't think he even needed House's power to do it.

Wilson had been to Curt's place before to pick him up, but he'd never been inside. Curt always said it was too messy or they were running late. Wilson hadn't really noticed until now. It was a cute, if small house. Even with its size, Wilson wasn't sure how Curt could afford it. He assumed House was right about respiratory therapist being overpaid. Of course, House thought he was the only person working in medicine who wasn't overpaid.

Now that he was going to go inside he was having second thoughts. It seemed like entering the enemy's camp. Wilson laughed that image off and knocked.

"It's open." At least Curt sounded a little better.

"You have a lovely home," Wilson said looking around. It didn't have the kind of feel he expected Curt's place to have. It seemed old and a little rundown.

"Thanks. Have a seat," Curt said gesturing to a leather couch Wilson thought looked similar to House's. "Do you want anything to drink? I make a mean Rob Roy."

"Sure," Wilson said sitting down. He could use a drink. He could also use House. He was comfortable alone with Curt before, but now it seemed like tempting fate. He watched Curt limp behind the bar.

"What happened to your leg? Instant karma hit you for walking with the cane," Wilson smiled, trying to joke.

"I cut the hell out of my leg. I bandaged it up, but I'd like you to take a look. I may need stitches.

Wilson was a little worried by Curt's calm, affectless-ness. He wondered if he was going into shock.

"How did you cut yourself?"

"With a knife," Curt responded returning with two tumblers. He clinked his glass against Wilson's and took a long drink.

Wilson did the same. He immediately regretted it. It tasted horrible.

"Okay, but how did you cut your leg with a knife?"

Curt put down his glass and unbuttoned his jeans. Wilson could see the faint outline of blood beginning to seep through the denim. Curt winced.

"Maybe you should sit down," Wilson started to stand.

Curt put a hand on Wilson's shoulder, his transferred weight keeping him seated.

"It hurts to sit." Curt slowly, painfully, pulled his pants down his hips. Wilson took another long drink.

"This is the worst Rob Roy I've ever had," Wilson said with an involuntary shiver.

Curt's breathing increased. He bit his lip in an attempt not to cry. Wilson put his drink down and delicately helped Curt pull his pants lower over the bloodied bandages.

"Oooo," Wilson said wincing in sympathy. It looked bad already and he couldn't even see it. He started to unwrap the damaged thigh. Curt re-steadied his hands on Wilson's shoulders.

Wilson yawned widely. He was suddenly very sleepy, even sleepier than he'd been when House was giving him a massage. Wilson looked up at Curt with half open, heavily lidded eyes.

"What the fuck is going on here?" Curt was too involved in his pain and concentration on Wilson to hear House enter. Wilson was too close to unconsciousness.

"House," Wilson slurred.

"House, what are you doing here," Curt panted.

House was resting his eyes. He was tired, but not sleepy. Wilson looked so peaceful House left him and his light snoring in the bedroom. He didn't want to wake him. His Wilson had had a busy day. He deserved a little rest.

House watched a little television and read a little in a Portuguese medical journal before he decided to rest his eyes again. He thought about going home, but in an uncharacteristic optimistic gesture he stayed hoping Wilson would wake from his nap and want to work up a sweat and earn another well-deserved rest.

He heard the bedroom door open. He was going to wait for Wilson to get closer then scare him. Instead he heard Wilson trying to quietly walk away.

"Okay…I'll come…don't…House." House couldn't completely make out what Wilson was whispering, but what he did hear was enough. He hadn't expected Wilson to be faithful. It wasn't in his nature. What he didn't expect was for him to be running around so soon. House didn't even think Wilson had his eye on anyone lately.

Then again, it didn't take Wilson long to let his eye wander, figuratively, literally, and physically. House made a mental note to keep that low blow handy for future use.

As soon as House heard the front door close he jumped up. He was going to follow Wilson. It wasn't because he was jealous, just curious. He imagined Wilson having a rendezvous with some hot, young blond with daddy issues and low self esteem. She wouldn't be needy enough to be the next ex-Mrs. Wilson, but feminine enough to reaffirm his heterosexuality.

No, House wasn't going to follow him to catch him in the act. He was going to follow him to see who he would be competing with for Wilson's time and affection. He didn't expect to win or to even tie, but he needed all the intell he could get to make sure he stayed in the game.

Following him would also let him know who he was specifically going to be hating for the foreseeable future.

Wilson pulled up in front of a matchbox house with garish purple trim. House didn't recognize the neighborhood. He parked a block away. In the dim front porch light he could make out Wilson knocking then entering. So this was the home of his newest enemy. He hoped this one was as brief an interruption as Curt.

House couldn't see anything through the frosty glass panels in the door. He calculated the risk of being caught and decided to climb into the bushes to peek in a window.

There was Wilson. He sat down on a couch. He looked nervous. He damn well better be nervous, House thought. Then a figure limped into view. It didn't take House any time to process it was Curt. Did they think it was funny to mock House's impairment? Wilson was smiling.

He watched Wilson take a drink. House struggled to keep his anger in check. Wilson knew Curt was crazy. Then again, he also said he felt bad for him, hinted he was worried, and wasn't that the first ingredient in Wilson pheromones?

From House's angle it almost looked like Curt was undoing his jeans. House could see Wilson better and he looked up at Curt concerned. He started to move and Curt put his hands on Wilson's shoulders. Curt was touching Wilson. Curt was touching his shoulders exactly where House had been massaging them earlier.

House could feel bile bubbling up in his throat. Curt let go of Wilson and from his angle he had no doubt Curt was pulling his pants down. Wilson's head moved jerkily. He looked away from Wilson in time to see Curt turn his head and bite his lip. He looked back to Wilson and saw him pull at Curt's jeans.

He couldn't hear them, but he saw Wilson purse his lips. Then Curt put his hands back on Wilson.

House lost it.

"What the fuck is going on here?"

"House," Wilson slurred.

"House, what are you doing here," Curt panted.

"House," Wilson slurred again. House heard it this time.

"What did you do to him," House shouted advancing on Curt.

Curt struggled to get away. With his jeans in a compromised position and his scrambling movements, he fell and reopened his wounded leg.

"He's hurt," Wilson managed to say with difficulty. "Curt's hurt." House looked from Wilson's drowsy eyes to Curt's bloodied leg.

"Good." He stood over Curt who couldn't hide his pain or fear. House poked his cane into the damaged flesh. Curt screamed and thrashed on the floor.

"House," Wilson began to say before he lost the fight to stay awake. House lunged back to the couch to keep Wilson upright.

"What did you give him," House shouted.

"Rah…Rahb…Roy," Curt stammered.

"I don't think so. Wilson's a light weight, but even he wouldn't be blotto from one cocktail." House picked up the glass and sipped. "You slipped him a Mickey?"

"I know," Curt said breathily regaining some composure. "It's a shame because I really do make a great drink, but your little drops give it a nasty after taste."

"My drops?"

"I was surprised to find them in your bedside table, but then I did some research. Using chloral hydrate to help an alcoholic sleep – that's real old school of you. It's kind of romantic. The lengths you've had to go through to make it through the day among the ordinary people." Curt pulled himself up against the wall and propped himself up.

"I wasn't going to hurt him. I was just going to keep him for a while. Once I had worked out how to do what you do, I would have given him back."

House didn't know how much Wilson had been dosed. He hoped he wouldn't be out long. There was no way he was carrying Wilson out of this place.

"You know, I'm real tired of hearing your nutty ramblings." House looked at the blood. Curt was looking decidedly pale. "So what happened to your leg?"

"You know," Curt answered grimacing.

"I want you to tell me." If Curt thought House was all powerful he wasn't going to discourage him now. "I need to hear it from you."

Curt perked up a little. House hadn't given up on him. Even with his failures he was still among House's chosen circle.

"You told me I had perfect legs. I realized I needed to sacrifice that to be your heir. Once I did that I could see things so clearly." Curt struggled against a new jolt of pain. "I suddenly understood why you really cling to that…" Curt tossed his head in Wilson's direction. "I thought he was just to take care of your physical needs, but now I see he does more than just feed you food. He feeds you energy. I can't be like you without being with him."

"That is the craziest fucking thing I've ever heard." House said unsympathetically.

Curt didn't know what House meant. He racked his brain to make sense of things.

"You know I don't just love you, right?" Curt propped himself up higher. "I adore you. I thought it was just your power, but even if you couldn't control time, space, things, people – I'd still love you. Even if you were only human. You're so smart and sexy and funny, God! Do people even appreciate how funny you are? If we were on the same level I know we could have been great together. You would have fallen in love with me."

"I love Wilson." House checked Wilson's pulse.

"And he really likes you. You thought he was here cheating on you didn't you? Why would you be with anyone you know you can't trust?"

"Why did you go after him when you knew he wasn't gay," House deflected.

"I never wanted him. You know that. Why do you pretend you don't know?" Curt tried to stand, but fell back heavily.

"No, actually, I don't know that." House didn't think Curt was going to be conscious much longer. Either he'd pass out or House would beat him to death. Curiosity was the only thing keeping him doing that.

"You do. You know I used him to get to closer to you. As amazing as you are, you have a real blind spot when it comes to James. That's one reason I thought he could help me. I know there must be a reason, a real reason, not a feeling, why you keep him around. He treats you like an unwanted obligation. You could have seduced him any time you wanted to. I know I could have so don't pretend you couldn't."

"You did manage to seduce me," House said trying to sound uninterested.

"You made me. I couldn't resist you any longer. I knew you wanted it so I did what you wanted me to do. I had hoped I could be your apprentice and your lover. I would have done anything to be with you."

"Yeah, being around me is reward enough."

"How can you know you are better than these people and still think so lowly of yourself?"

"I'm that good."

"I'm not. I screwed everything up. I don't know what, but I did something wrong, didn't I? It was the leg, right? That wasn't what you meant."

"Hmmm, was cutting the hell out of your leg a bad idea? Yeah, that might have been mistake." He barely finished the sentence before Curt grabbed his leg and cried out in pain.

House walked over to him and took a brief look.

"And with all your magical skills, you never learned how to bandage a wound. Do you have more bandages?"

"Back there," Curt said pointing weakly down the hall.

House nodded and hesitantly walked down the hall. He probed the ill-lit area with his cane before stepping forward. He might not want Curt to bleed to death, but he wasn't going to run into some kind of trap trying to save him. The first door on the right was slightly ajar and House could make out a flickering light. He pushed the door open with his cane.

It was a bedroom complete with over the top canopy bed and mosquito netting. The dozen candles rounded out the romantic caricature. House gave the room a cursory glance. He stopped when he spotted his t-shirt on a dresser. He stepped over to retrieve it and that's when he saw it. He looked around for a light switch so he could get a better view.

It was an altar. Next to House's shirt was his missing toothbrush, a few pill bottles and his bottle of chloral hydrate. There were pictures and newspaper clippings. There was an obituary for his father House hadn't even seen. The rubber band ball he made and assumed Kutner had stolen to keep him from throwing it at him was next to a fountain pen his grandfather had given him that he hadn't even realized was missing. Then there were more disturbing items House recognized from his trash – a worn out sock, a piece of toast with a bite taken out, a used condom.

An unhappy snapshot of an empty life, House thought as he flipped through surveillance photos. Some of the photos were intact, but others were cut to remove other people. House recognized one as him going to a hospital donor event. How long had Curt been following him?

He came across a series of him trying to catch up to Wilson in a hospital corridor. From Curt's angle he could see Wilson was trying to get away from him. It made him sad. He tossed the pictures down. He didn't need this. He needed to find those stupid bandages, make sure stupid Curt didn't bleed to death, call a stupid ambulance, and let some stupid EMT take stupid Wilson and stupid Curt to a really stupid hospital like Princeton General so he wouldn't have to deal with their stupid asses for awhile.

House turned to leave. He thought he saw something in the bed. House pulled the netting back and stopped still. It was a person or what had been a person some time ago. Now he was a mummified corpse looking surprisingly peaceful.

House started for the door. He heard a crash followed by a sharp sound. He ran to the living room.

There was just a smear of blood where Curt had been. A turned over lamp was broken on the floor and the front door was open. The screen door was partially broken. House hopped to Wilson's side. Wilson had blood on his shirt and pants. He was still unconscious, but House didn't see any cuts or wounds. His pants pockets were turned out.

House heard a car start. He made it to the door just in time to see Curt backing out of the driveway in Wilson's car. House sat down next to Wilson. He checked his vitals again. He was solidly asleep.

House hated to do it, but there were times even he had to go to "The Authorities". He called 911 and reported Wilson's car stolen, Wilson's body drugged, and himself creeped out.

"You have terrible taste in friends," House admonished.

"It has been noted," Wilson agreed. "Many times. Many, many times." His words were heavy.

It took Wilson a moment to process his surroundings. He was in a hospital bed with an IV in his arm.

"Was I in an accident?" He couldn't remember being in one. He didn't hurt. He did feel really sleepy.

"No, Rob Roy met Mickey Finn and had a party in your stomach. You'll be fine. They want to keep you for observation for a few more hours. I don't think it's necessary, but the good doctors at Princeton General must know what they're doing or they wouldn't be working at the third or fourth best hospital in town." House stood up, walked to Wilson's bedside, and put a hand on his arm.

"Get some sleep and I'll tell you all about it some other time." House squeezed Wilson's arm lightly and turned to leave.

"Where are you going?" Wilson had a dozen other questions, but that seemed to be the most vital.

"I'm going to go home, get a few hours sleep, and then explain to Cuddy why she needs to be more careful about the flavor of crazies she hires. The police will probably be around to talk to you in a bit."

"Police? House what happened? I don't remember…Curt?" Wilson had a fuzzy memory coming back about Curt being hurt.

"Curt Freeling has been dead for what looks like close to 4 years. He looks pretty good for his lack of life. Your little buddy took care of him. Maybe he was a mortician before becoming a respiratory therapist."

Wilson was completely confused, but he couldn't concentrate enough to ask other questions. He saw House smile sadly and leave before he couldn't fight the need to sleep any longer.

Epilogue:

Curt relaxed when he saw the "Leaving Delaware" sign. It was only another hour or so until Baltimore. He'd check in to a hotel and clean up. He couldn't wait to ditch the car and find something more in sync with his personality. Maybe he'd get a motorcycle. He'd need to add a clip to hold his cane. Life was easier before his infarction, he thought as he turned off the highway.


End file.
